Tongue Tied and Heart Broken

I didn’t notice that I hadn’t posted a blog in a while, until my friend (some of us call her Muffin Manda – maybe just me) reminded me that it had been a hot minute. Alas, I am now writing you.

As I began to pray for the words to speak to you here, lyrics from a Christian song popped into my head. “Give me words to speak. Don’t let my spirit sleep. I can’t think of anything worth saying but I know that I owe you my life.”

These past few weeks that I have ignored you, the few the proud the brave blog readers of mine, my spirit has not slept. I assure you. Over the past few weeks I have come to realize, as if I didn’t already know, that life is a series of “ups” and “downs”. I put those in quotes because what we define as ups are typically the easier times of life, and the “downs” are the suffering. However, “count it as pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds…” Joy doesn’t always mean happiness, but joy, hope, peace, can exist in suffering, or in trials. Counting it joy, and abiding in the love of God. “Abide in my love”. That is my aim lately.

Two weeks ago, it was determined that my dad has an enlarged heart, possibly caused by pneumonia. He was put on meds and told to “take it easy”. The loss of his father was already weighing heavy on his heart and mind. His suffering became an insurmountable hill where he lacked the strength to climb. [Insert the strength of the Lord] When finding out the news of the enlarged heart (making it hard for Dad to breath or be active), my family was, obviously, affected deeply.

Almost a week ago, he went into the ER after having trouble breathing. It was determined that he is anemic, and there could be other things to follow. Somewhere in my dad’s lovable 6 foot 3 inch body, there is internal bleeding going on. Next week’s tests will begin and we will find out the “source” of this. Alas, another journey, another “down”, and all the more reason for me to turn my eyes toward Jesus.

Last week my heart sank as I heard of another profound goings on within the body of Christ. I won’t go into details, for they are not mine to share, but a friend of mine, her mother, is battling cancer. I knew of the cancer, but the incline of the mountain they are climbing increased significantly. I do not say “battle” lightly, knowing the hills, mountains rather, that she and her family are climbing. Here is another beautiful God loving family who is facing suffering… enduring suffering… seeking Jesus in the middle of their trials. There is a very serious surgery that is coming up on the 3^rd of December. She is challenging us, in her words, to be thankful for how God has blessed us with those sitting around that Thanksgiving table. After “losing” Sarah, my sensitivity to those around me, how much I love them, and how thankful I am was there. It still is, but it takes times like watching my friend endure her mothers battle with cancer, that I remember how painful, how gut wrenching the tears are, how you fight any fear that is there, and how you put your mind on the hope that is in Christ and prayers on healing. Tears welled up in my eyes reading Susie’s words on her blog today…

“As you sit down to your Thanksgiving dinner this year look around at the people you love and tell them all how much they mean to you. You never know what tomorrow will bring.”

Now you’ve seen why my heart is breaking, and now for the tongue tied. I lost my big sister to cancer, 3.5 years ago. (can you believe its been that long? I can’t.) I walked a steep mountain with her for the 9 months of the fight. There were victories along the way, and the ultimate victory which God gave through Jesus to Sarah. She did indeed enter into eternal glory with our savior. My sister was a beautiful 26 year old, who loved children, loved to cook, love her family, loved Jesus… and was an absolute joy to those she met. Her smile contagious, her laugh addicting. Some days you just couldn’t soak up enough of Sarah.

Mollys mom, Susie, who is a bubble of joy every time I see her, is now facing “trials of many kinds”, and suffering that makes you want to say “take this cup from me” (or her, or them). I prayed for Sarah for 9 months for healing, knowing God’s will is good pleasing and perfect whatever the end of this particular story was. In light of my ending, or rather Sarah’s beginning in Heaven, how do I respond to someone like the McCrackens? How do I love them in the midst of this knowing the outcome of my story? I am tongue tied. All I can say is that I am on my knees, before Jesus, for you. I am with you in this, as I know so many are.

For a long time I asked that you join with me in prayer for the Aschliman family. Tyson and Tj are now living with out Leslie (in a physical sense). God is sustaining them and healing them. Tyson just posted a blog in regards to prayer and suffering that speaks to this very thing. Good to hear and keep in sight as I pray for the McCrackens, as I pray for my dad, and as dearly loved people, part of the family of God, face suffering.

I would ask that you join me again, as the body of Christ, before the throne of grace abundant, for the McCrackens. Follow their blog. Be faithful in prayer for them. The greatest gift we can give is to love them as Jesus does. To acknowledge that Jesus loves them, has not left them, nor will He ever, and to be present with them in their suffering. Lets BE the body. Mourn with those who mourn, laugh with those who laugh, rejoice with those who rejoice, and suffer with those who suffer.

Read their blog (http://ohhowhelovesq.blogspot.com) and put them on your prayer list. Let’s get on our knees for and with them before the God who created them. Lets love as Christ asks us to.

I am tongue tied and heart broken. I am more aware of His grace every day. I am more aware of His love for me. I am thankful that my hope is in Heaven, and that this present suffering only compares to the glory on the other side. To GOD be the glory on this earth, and that I would live my life as an offering to Him.

Full of His love and grace...

Katie

Persecuted church... here am I

Today, worldwide, is the day of prayer for the persecuted church. Did you know that? Thankfully our church did, and we focused on it.

I prayed this morning, prior to going, that the Holy Spirit would pour into me while in service. Pour He certainly did. He did not only pour a little, but so much that within the first 5 minutes my heart overflowed and tears ran down my cheeks.

The first thing I saw when service began were stories of people around the world being persecuted for following God. I read and saw faces, story after story, of those who will not renounce their faith.

We began to worship. The first song was so packed with the Spirit, more arms were raised than I have seen in weeks, and hearts were knelt down to our Maker. Hearing stories of people hiding in basements, countries where we don't know how many Christians are there because it is illegal to follow the Lord; men, women, and children killed for loving our God. Humble hearts of our congregation entered into a time of proclamation, with freedom, that our God is NAME above ALL Names. How great is our God. In hearing this I didn't think about my situation and how great God is in that (however He is). I didn't think about the clothes on my back, the car I drive. I didn't think about my family, friends or house church. I thought - how great is our God. He is savior and Lord of the universe. If the people hiding in other countries in basements worship Him today, quietly and peacefully so as not to be killed, I must sing even louder so that we together can proclaim His name.

We have so much freedom here, in the United States. We can worship who we want... we have the freedom to raise our hands, and shout as loud as our lungs will carry... but do we? I am challenged to know that God has put me in this place where there is freedom to proclaim his name, without torture to follow.

"Blessed are those who are persecuted..." Do we believe that? Do we believe that, even to our death?

A couple years ago, three christian men were tortured and killed because they would not renounce the name of Christ. The beauty of their faith brings tears to my eyes. Oh how I long to have faith like that. They had an option. Men broke into their place of worship, threatened saying that all of this, this torture, this punishment, will go away if you call out another name. They chose to say...God is Name above all names. Jesus is my Lord.

We are not put in situations like that every day here, but others are. We do live in a place of freedom from religious persecution. So, what are we doing with our freedom? I bet millions of people crowd into churches on Sunday morning, but outside of that proclamation, what are we doing on a daily basis to proclaim God's glory to the whole earth? Lets exercise our freedom to love our God out loud. Lets be changed by the Holy Spirit on a daily basis, so that others will get to know God. Its not about numbers of "conversion", or the numbers filling the pews. Its about our relationship with the Maker of Heaven and earth. Its allowing ourselves to be so filled with Him that is spills onto others, and they can't help but surrender out of love for Him.

Knowing Him has changed the lives of 3000 believers in this specific country. They are willing to be claimed as such in a land that is not safe for them to claim God. Do we love Him that much? Are we changed by faith to proclaim it until death?

My heart is heavy today for the persecuted church, and the church in the US. My heart is heavy to make known the mystery of the gospel. My heart longs to be counted as faithful through persecution.

God will not keep us from going through persecution, trials will happen due to the fall of man - but He WILL sustain us and bring us through. I was watching a movie last night that said this:

"People always say that change is a good thing, but what it really means is that something that you didn't want to happen, has happened"

That may be true- but let us count what God does in that change as good; knowing that He is refining us and bringing Himself glory.

And so, as the same verse always tugs at the very core of my being, they said this in church today (Isaiah 6:8):

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I sat there in church, and they said this before worship, and tears rolled down. This is my constant prayer. "God, Here am I. SEND ME!" I am willing to go to the ends of the earth. Take me where you want me to be. I will to go Turkey, I will go to China, I will go to Kenya, I will go... send me please."

I don't know what this means, but to have a ready heart to be sent [even if the sending is staying right here] it was refreshing for me to be in this place once again.

I wanted to share as God spilled His Spirit all over me today, and I believe our congregation, and prayerfully the entire Body of Christ, WORLD WIDE.

Today, with you, and millions of others, I lift up the persecuted church. I lift up their families. I pray God for a renewal of heart and mind for them. I am thankful that they made the decision to follow you, knowing that could lead them, even their families, to their deaths; but counting you as more gain that anything else in the entire world. Knowing that to follow Christ is the ultimate aim. I pray God that they will see you in fresh ways today. I pray that they would be encouraged, as "the blood of Christians is seed to the world." Nothing will stop Your name from being spread through out the earth. I pray, Lord, that we would not hold that up. May we, the body of Christ, proclaim boldly the mystery of the Gospel that has been made known to us through the Holy Spirit, and without shame.

Be made known, and praised through out the whole earth today.

In Jesus Name we claim victory,
AMEN

2 Thoughts

So typically when I post a blog I have a profound comment, or some huge moment of inspiration to share. Tonight, I am just me. Not really relaxed, not really happy... praying that I am in a place of just being still. My heart is on the verge of entering into the weight that existed over it today. However, I am taking this time as I eat vegetable soup, with a candle lit beside me, to enjoy just being here for the moment.

I had the option of going to bed on an empty stomach or writing small number of you who read my blog.

2 things I want to share with you.

Thought #1:
First things first, my Grandfather has been home with Jesus, Sarah, and others, for almost a month now. Crazy to think like that knowing how long those 3 weeks were prior to his death. My family is doing ok.

Last night on my way to the gym I stopped by mom and dad's. William (aka Nugget) was there, and as I ran toward him to say goodbye his giggles didn't stop. Dad was talking with my Grandma, and handed me the phone. Will and I giggled with Grandma on speaker and then I shared some deeper thoughts with her.

Gma: "Katie, you'll have to come up here and get a table cloth"

KT: "Grandma, I wish I had a table to put it on" - I do have a table which was cleared up, but we laughed talking about the "single life" that I lead. Not too many needs for a tablecloth except to throw baby and wedding showers

Gma: "You know what? I'm learning to let go of a lot more material things. You know they just don't matter all that much."

KT: "You're right Grandma. Thats why we need to live with open hands."

Gma: "Yep. Eventually I'll be where Grandma Mannan (my other gma in a nursing home) is and I won't be able to take all this with me. And I won't have a trailer full of my stuff behind my grave, so I might as well get rid of it now."

For me this is such a good image. Its sobering to think if my Grandma leaving earth, entering into Heaven with her earthly husband but as the bride of Christ. There is hope in that, and reminds me that life on earth is short. Almost too short to think, question, and to avoid truly living. Materials are here today and gone tomorrow. They are a gift, thats to be sure, but lets hang out hats on the eternal. I just really liked our conversation and I pray that it blesses you as you think about living with open hands; allowing the Lord to give and take away. Enjoying each action knowing His will is good, pleasing, and perfect.

Thought #2:

I will share with you, my dear companions, what I have been learning. I guess I have been learning to abide. That idea is not an easy one to take in... it encompasses everything and nothing all at the same time. Part of that is to see how the vision of the promise (land) helped the guys in the OT (Old Testament) to abide in the Lord & follow Him daily. I would say about 6 months ago I embarked upon reading Genesis. I would not read whole chapters at a time, but just 8 or so verses. That way I could digest what was happening. I am now into Exodus and loving knowing God in those contexts and how that relates and He works in my every day.

Lets take a side step and talk about Moses. He has been the focus on these first 13 chapters of Exodus, so to use him as an example is fitting. He, often with fear, surrendered to the Lord. He was brought up in a palace, and when he knew his true heritage, given the option he left. He "lowered" himself in the eyes of the world to join his people- the Isrealites. God had a hand on them since Abraham, through Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. God was ready to set his people free. So Moses, by faith hearing God's desire for him, when to Pharaoh 12 times. He asked him each time to let his people go, and if not God would bring a plague. Each time God answered, the magicians tried to answer, Pharaoh said he would let them go, then immediately when there was relief he took it back. "His heart was hardened". Why? To make God's glory known.

Here is what shook me up as I read through all 12 plagues - "God why would you harden Pharaoh's heart 11 times?" To make His glory known among both peoples. For the Israelites they wanted to believe that God was setting them free. I would imagine after 12 plagues of efforts they were discouraged, but how could they also not be in awe when the God who is fighting for their freedom has such power? And loves other (their enemies none-the-less) to make His glory known? Because that is the flip side I kept forgetting about. God loved the Egyptians too. He wanted them to see His glory. He wanted them to be saved, to know the glorious riches that are found in Christ. Ahh... God is good friends. Even to our enemies.

So with that I bid you goodnight. I pray that this somehow brought encouragement to your hearts. I knew that I needed to write you. I miss you. I miss processing on here with you. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Thank you blogger for giving me this forum to express myself and my thoughts of an eternal holy God.

God is rich in every capacity- rich in love, rich in kindness, rich in grace, rich in His presence, rich in goodness, rich in mercy... and those are what He is pouring out over us tonight. Soak Him up. Soak in the blessing. Know that God loves you.

Somber but peaceful,
Katie

A community lived out

Well - I know this is rare - two blogs in two days, but a "fresh word" was given to me at house church. What would it look like if we lived out the call to be the "church"? To be in community? I know that often we have what we call "community groups", "house churches", "small groups"... but I'm talking about a group of people, who recognize our constant need for the grace of God and of others. I'm talking about a group of people who worship their creator, and out of that, there is a love that transcends understanding which overflows, or gets pointed to, others on earth.

I don't know friends... often times I think we're settling. Out of fear, lack of understanding, or knowledge, we settle for a complacency. We allow ourselves to be in the same place for years - in ourselves and with each other. God is callings us to more. He requests more of us. Some say, "If I could just be Jesus to one person, that is worth it." Lets do it.

Tonight, as we were in our community, I was so blessed to look around the circle and see those who are diligent about "doing life" with me. They don't leave. They stay. The follow up. They pray. They support. Awestruck really, and entirely grateful. Sure this isn't yet lived out in the group setting, but there are some individual relationships that bless me so richly.

So, with that said, reading in Romans 12 - hear this "church":

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

What does it look like for us to live this out? To be the church. To be "Jesus" to others. It takes intentionality. It takes us being committed to living this out. Just like our relationship with God, is our relationships with others. But I am ready to be a part of a people that is transforms.

So, thank you all for supporting me. I know that many of you didn't mourn as though my Grandpa was your own, but you were there. I know that not everyone could make it to Sarah's "Celebration" but you prayed, called, and sent cards. Lets continue to transform the world, through God's love and grace for one another. I think it begins with surrender. Recognizing that we are NOT able to do this on our own- but God will surely lead us. He is blessing me, even today, with friends who He has brought us together through the leading of His Spirit- by which we are mutually encouraged in the word. Its beautiful.

I'm certainly not anywhere close to "living up" to this- but I know God will transform my heart as I surrender to Him, and He will give me the "ability" to live out these truths that will rock this world for Jesus. One hug at a time.

May we have dreams and visions of who God is and what He is capable of through us - if we would only make ourselves available to Him.

Amen and amen.

Katie

Thoughts of weariness and life

So many thoughts flood my mind tonight that it is hard to sort out or know what to say or how to begin. This weekend was a desert. How does God satisfy in a dry and weary land where there is no food?

He provides. He doesn't move. He doesn't leave you. He remains. He is present in those moments.

This weekend was hard for many reason, but the key factor is that I was to mourn my grandpa's death... and celebrate his life. Thankfully we did both of those. My grandpa was an amazing man and I am thankful for his life here on earth. My prayers are now with my Grandma - for her husband of 62 years has been set free.

My heart is weary, as I'm coming to find this a regular feeling. Not that I enjoy it or am choosing to wallow in it, but as I came before the throne of the Almighty tonight, I confessed to Him I don't know why I am like this. Yes my grandfather entered eternal glory, but it runs deeper. And He said "Just be." "Be present as I am present with you." As tears well up in my eyes over this realization, and I am thankful that its ok to be weary (once again).

I am thankful for the many blessings of this past weekend. The phone calls, the prayers, the emails...thank you for thinking of my family and me. Thank you for pleeding for strength and peace on our behalf. Peace there is, and I am thankful. But that leaves a tired crew who are coming back to re-integrate into "normal life". In this life I know that hope exists. I know that tomorrow will be a day that the Lord has made, just as today was. But today acknowledgment by my Grandfather's gravesite, that life is fleeting, how do I take that and live it out where I am?

More and more pictures of what I thought life would look like fade, and reality sets in. I do have to say it is somewhat less exciting, however, not at all less able to love God and love others. I was telling Anna tonight that life no longer feels like an "adventure". But rather a story, messy at times, and most days I probably wouldn't want to read, but God is unfolding something bigger than myself in it. As long as I am living in surrender to His will, His ways, and recognizing that I am creation worshiping the Creator, I'm good.

I guess I had words to say, things to process, but no real stories to tell. Just my thoughts and heart on the table. Take them for what they are.

So, now, I bid you goodnight. As I turn off my computer, roll into "sleeping position", I will rest hopeful in this weak body of mine because I know that Grandpa, Sarah, and someday myself, will dance on Glory's side. For that day, for what God can do in tomorrow, I sleep, wake up, and do it again.

Resting in His grace that defines me,
Kate


This is what my heart feels tonight...

A song by JJ Hellers. If you don't know her - get to. She is amazing.

I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there
and I have asked a thousand ways that you would take my pain away
you would take my pain away.

I am trying to understand, how to walk this weary land
make straight the paths that crooked light,
Oh, lord before these feet of mine
oh lord before these feet of mine

when my world is shaking, heaven stands.
when my heart is breaking I never leave your hands.

when you walked upon the earth
you healed the broken the lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
one day you will set all things right
yeah one day you will set all things right

when my world is shaking heaven stands
when my heart is breaking i never leave your hands.
your hands, your hands that shaped the world.
are holding me, they hold me still
your hands that shaped the world,
are holding me, they hold me still.

when my world is shaking heaven stands.
when my heart is breaking I never leave you,
when my world is shaking heaven stands
when my heart is breaking I never leave
I never leave your hands.

He's Home... Grandpa Umbaugh is Home

<--My Dad & His Dad - in 2004 - at a cousins wedding

Hello blog readers. It is with sadness for the now, and hope for the eternal, that I write to you. My Grandfather, Arnold Umbaugh, died this morning at 12:36am. I thought when I began to write to you that I had more words to say, but I guess its seemingly slim.

Your first statement I’m sure is “I’m so sorry. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.” Thank you, first of all. Second, please just keep me in your prayers. I am thankful that I am in your head, but throw us up to Jesus. He is exactly what we need right now.

Grieving will begin probably on Sunday. Tears have been shed, and even now as I begin to think about my grandpa, what I’ll say at his “celebration” service on Tuesday, tears well up from my soul in memory of him. My mom’s dad passed away when I was 9, so Grandpa Umbaugh is my main memory of a Grandpa. One word you might use to describe him is jovial and passionate. He was passionate about loving my grandma, and loving God. He was jovial in that there is no doubt he would make you laugh within 30 seconds of talking with him.

He told me stories of when he was working in the hospital and Grandma was a nurse there, how he would paint her shoes! What a silly man! He won the love of his life by playing pranks on her, and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker. What a lucky lucky woman. I haven’t gotten to talk to my Grandma yet to see how she is, but I am sure she is heart broken. The love of her life, for the past 65ish years, was ushered into Heaven this morning. 65 years is a long time to remain with the same companion. You have never seen two more faithful “lovers” in all your life. They have been a beautiful image of what marriage can be. Through thick, through thin, through tough times, and good… through broken hips, through surgeries, through the Navy, through grandchildren dying, through Alzheimer’s, and until death. Thank you Jesus for my grandparents; for meeting their needs through each other. Through growing their love old together and for showing me what real love looks like in the face of very hard times.

Anyway, so that’s the update friends. I’m exhausted and am headed to the batting cages tonight to hit the crap out of some fast pitch softballs. Until then… look below & you’ll see my beautiful grandparents. (Sprinkled with sisters & parents)

Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying.

<-- Grandma and Grandpa

Laura and Grandpa at cousin's wedding ---->

Every good and perfect gift...

Well, life is funny huh? You can hear things three thousand times, try and take it as your own, recognize it for what it is, and then only in precious moments of revelation you finally "get it". (or at least as much as you will at that time)

I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense, but I'm going to make efforts to explain. So you always hear (I think because its in the Bible) that "every good and perfect gift is from above". We hear that and know "yes- we must thank God for everything". But it goes WAY deeper than that.

Today I was thinking about certain things, "good things", undeserved blessings, and how that changes my life. Be it people, situations, things, etc. I thought "I wonder why xyz" And then you think "OH - its b/c of that or this".

So, if we walk in that direction we are recognizing that thing, or person, or situation as being what alleviates a problem, or helps in a circumstance. Although money bails you out of jail who provided the money? Are you following me yet? :) I know this is a small nugget of truth God gave me last night and reminded me again through a few different circumstances the truth of this.

God provided that money to bail you out; that car to get you to work; that roof over your house. So although the roof kept the rain out- don't praise the roof. Praise God for giving you the roof. Although the friend was there so that you could cry on their shoulder - don't praise the friend (I mean thank them, but don't worship them). Worship God who gave you that marvelous gift.

Anyway, this profound truth (perhaps just to me) really struck me. So although I am thankful for all these people and things, and I would say so to them - ultimately "every good and perfect gift is from above" - so it was God who bailed me out, it was God's shoulder that I cried on.

I know its 1am. I know I'm tired. But it made sense in my head and I hope it struck a chord with you.

Thanking Jehovah-Jireh, my provider....

Katie

Heavy laden & Sweet goodbyes

HEAVY LADEN:

As I sat down to write my chest felt like it was sinking in. I starting to say "I don't know where to start", and then I was going to describe how I felt. Weary would work, but not it. Scared too, but still not hitting the mark. And then finally, I noticed the pain in my chest. I was going to say "It feels like that dentist vest you have to wear when getting x-rays."

"Heavy"... "Heavy Laden." When those two words in combination hit my lips, tears began to roll down my face. It then went from quiet tears close to a sob. "Why Jesus? Why I am heavy laden? What does that mean?" I still don't have the answers... I just realized this. But what I can tell you is what I discovered through dictionary.com.

Laden means: burdened; loaded down
Lade means:

1.	to put (something) on or in, as a burden, load, or cargo

2.	to load oppressively;

Looking at those descriptions I see two things.

One being that I am loaded down... not necessarily by choice, but circumstances around me have "laden" me. The other being that I have done it to myself. "To put something, a burden or load on myself". I would venture a guess, and say that all lades are oppressively loaded. In addition, I would say that part of this laden, is inflicted by me, and part by circumstances uncontrollable.

If you're still with me, good for you, if not- sorry but I'm going to keep going so I can process.

I am heavy laden. I think thats ok. God allows for the weary and the heavy laden to exist. He mentions those are who are just that.... "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." If you read my previous blog you would see that God had given me the word "Rest" to soak in on Friday. Perhaps he was preparing me for this moment. So that I would know, to wait silently on God, and I will find rest. He is coming, and has come. He is with me. Emmanuel. He offers me peace. I just need Him to take off this dentist vest.

What is so amazing, as I continually point out as God pulls things together, is that He works all things together for the good & He is never without a teachable moment. (as we called them at KAA)

As I looked up Matthew 11:28, the verse mentioned above, I realized what comes next. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have been praying through this scripture for at least a year now- to learn what it means to take His yoke upon me & learn from Him. Praise Jesus that His yoke is easy and that His burden is light.

Obviously there is a lot brewing in my heart, all of which I won't divulge in such a "public" place, but I am thankful that He offers me that peace. We got home from Plymouth (story below) last night at midnight. I stayed at my parents, and drove up to my friend Heather's this morning to drive down to our "Unity service" for Common Ground. We have two locations- one on the west side, and midtown. So every once and a while we'll all gather as one community. It was B-E-A-UTIFUL today friends. I worshiped my socks off with "Great is thy faithfulness" "Jesus Lord of Heaven" "How Great is Our God" "Majesty" "God of this city" and more. It was restoring me to a place where I was remembering who my God is. (Like I should EVER forget right?)

Then today wrapped up the 4 week series about "church". Not just CG, but church in general. Jeff talked about Jesus, His ministry, and what it looked like for the disciples to leave all their fish, trust Jesus, and follow Him. (I would imagine they had to "take His yoke upon them, and learn the new way of life - with Jesus). So... what does that look like for me, right now, where I am? What am I not willing to leave behind to follow Him and enter into this way of life fully? Thats for God to say and by His grace for me to hear.

Anyway, so much just flooded my heart. Onto this weekend...


SWEET GOODBYES:

Yesterday I was at Indiana Sports Corp, Corporate Challenge. They happen to be my client, and our team, MediaSauce, always wins the spirit award. (thats just a side note b/c we don't win anything else) So needless to say, I was enjoying myself yesterday. I had the best run of my life. I won a bet with my boss. I was flying high.

And then I checked my phone. As you may know we've been "in the waiting" with Grandpa Umbaugh. I received calls and texts (yes texts- but from my dad) yesterday morning asking that we go up to see Grandpa again. So, Anna, Lydia, and myself left late yesterday afternoon. (Laura went up today)

When we arrived we saw relatives we hadn't seen in years, which was a blessing. But that was not the most significant part. When I walked in the room at the nursing home my sweet Grandfather was lying in his bed, with Grandma in a chair beside him, holding his hand and rubbing his arm. My grandpa doesn't open his eyes much, and things are slowly shutting down. However, God had a nugget of surprise.

I sat there and held his hand, spoke closely in his ear memories of times past; Laura running around in a diaper, fishing in Wisconsin, nicknames of the four of us. He remembered. He smiled. He laughed. He called "Goatie" (Anna) a poop. At one point the bed shook from someone getting up from sitting on it & his eyes opened. In that moment our eyes met- and I said "HI GRANDPA!" He responded "Hi sweetie. You're such a sweetheart." As as we left, we hugged him goodbye. We gave him kisses. We told him we loved him, and said he said to me "I love you too sweetheart. Take care of yourself."

I'll never forget what a wise soul once said ... "Tears are a gift". I love that. And God seemed to have blessed me with extra. And so, today, I am heavy laden. Not just because of Grandpa, but he has a lot to do with it. I am being formed, and it hurts. I want to follow, and I'm not sure I am. I want to be used, so I need to surrender.

A friend keeps reminding me (whether he means to or not) that praise brings it all back. It did for me today. It takes the "I" out of those statements, and things happen because God wants them too. Praise reminded me of the power of my God. It reminded me that His ways are better than mine. It reminded me that He loves me deeply.

Anyway, thanks for reading ... and allowing this to be a place where I can tell you about Jesus.

Joyfully HIS,
Katie

God is in the waiting...

Oh waiting. Its one of my least favorite things, and yet, God continues to impress upon my heart that He is there, in the waiting.

I guess if you're waiting you have to ask for what, right? You're waiting for the car in front of you to go the speed limit. You're waiting for a sign or an answer or direction. You're waiting for God to heal, or for God to take someone home.

Today I was waiting in all of those circumstances. I don't know about this whole patience thing- I mean I know its a virtue, but really... come on...

My Grandfather, my dads dad, was recently taken off his pace maker and his defibrillator. His heart was being "shocked" a couple times a day and it seemed best for his health to take them off. So Grandpa is going "all natural". He is the Grandfather that we got to see just a couple weeks ago. (see last blog) Apparently that was his last "good day". He played the sax, ate fried chicken, and remembered us. I am so thankful to have that memory of my Grandpa. I love him and already miss him.

Really its pretty cool. His memory was gone, and came back a little for a few precious moments. My father has been sleeping on the floor in the nursing home, with my Grandma in a recliner next to my Grandfather in his bed. They took those things off on Monday.

They anticipated Grandpa going "home" on Monday night. However, here we are, Thursday night at 10:45, and he is still here. I do not believe this is a coincidence or really if those exist. God, in His grace, perfect timing, and His mercy has kept Grandpa with us. He has graciously given us these days for a good reason. So, as I get ready for bed tonight, not knowing if my Grandpa will make it through, I rest assured knowing that God will take Him home in His good timing.

And so, we wait...

Oddly enough I am seeking some direction in areas of my life. (go figure right? The ever restless heart of mine) After I read about Moses killing an Egyptian, and marrying someone... and God taking what was meant for evil and using it for good... I made efforts to allow God to speak. As I felt the word "rest" fall on me, Psalm 62 came to mind. I remember this used to be my favorite Pslam because of the "rest" factor.

However, the word "wait" is what was more prominent today. Why? Because I read out of a NASB now instead of an NIV. NIV is covered with the word rest, and NASB talks of waiting. For me, that paints such a different picture. I suppose you should rest in the waiting- so you're not anxious about anything. Anyway, here is what God spoke to me today (keep in mind the blog theme)

Psalm 62:1-8

My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.
How long will you assail a man,
That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood;
They bless with their mouth,
But inwardly they curse. Selah.
My soul,wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Anyway, I guess God gave me that word on waiting for Him today & I wanted to share it with you. Know that He is there, and that often times it takes faith to wait, to listen, and be patient. He is not slow concerning His promise, but not willing that any should perish.

Be encouraged. He hears your cry. He loves you deeply, tenderly, and more than life itself. He is on your side, don't fight against Him. Fight for Him and with Him. Help me love Him. Point me to Him.

Sleepily your's,
Katie

[again, if we listen, He is speaking and provides our daily bread - I'm not good at this. Listening requirings waiting and waiting requires patience.]

Grandpa and Me 2006 Thanksgiving

A sobering, humbling weekend

God's grace is enough. It is enough to hold us. To get us through. It is enough for us to walk through the fire and not be burned, but come out more pure and ready to serve Him. His grace is enough.

Let me just run through the past weekend with you. This is not to feel bad for me in any way. I am thankful for the time I had this weekend, seeing the pain of others...allowing me, or reminding me, to be thankful for where I am; who is in my life; and the life that God has graciously given me.

Even as I think about it now my life comes with much responsibility."To whom much is given much is expected". Perhaps I'm not rich in the eyes of NFL players, politicians, "stars"... but those on the street, in the slum, or at the orphanage I have much. With that said...

FRIDAY:
On Friday night I had the privilege to volunteer for a benefit concert, hosted at Common Ground. (my place of worship) It was free, but there were t-shirts, and bands playing, to raise awareness and couple bucks for the worthy cause. "Whats the cause Katie?" You ask. Its Love146. I'm not sure if you're familiar with what is happening in the world today with sex slavery but it is outrageous. My eyes are being opened to this wretched situation that exists around the world, and has for decades, maybe even centuries. My heart breaks for those existing in it- for it is a life, at 8 years old I can't imagine.

The good news is Love 146 is doing something about it. Please check them out. Become aware. The shear fact of you just knowing about it is helping.

SATURDAY:
This is something I hadn't prepared myself for. If you read a few blogs ago, I mention Leslie, Tyson, and Tj. Leslie is one of Anna's best friends, who recently, went home to Jesus. Cancer was the assassin, but Jesus is her savior.

Anyway, the fam went up to Bolingbrook, IL for it. Lyd unfortunately couldn't make it. But Laura and I left saturday morning. On the way up we shared our hearts, we shared laughter, and hours later we shared tears. As I sat in the auditorium of the high school, listened to my sister sing "In Better Hands Now", grasping the finality of that, the victory of that, I was humbled.

Following her song, Tyson (Leslie's husband), took the stage with his church's worship band. We praised God together. We praised Him in the storm. We thanked Him and recognized Him for who He is. All led by a broken and hurting man. It was the most beautiful picture of God's redemption. He is redeeming Tyson. He HAS redeemed Leslie- she is home. She crossed the finish line. And I can't begin to tell you the lives that this warrior family has touched.

They said that their blog was read in over 70 countries. Over 100,000 readers have seen it. By their blog alone, by one families trial, by one family's faith & willingness to share, God has opened the eyes of thousands.

Tyson continues a blog here. Please pray for them. Now that the memorial services are over, a deeper sorrow will probably set it. The finality of her being gone. The truth that he won't get to see hundreds of people every weekend to talk about his wife. Please pray for Him.

SUNDAY:
Following the events in Illinois, we had one more stop to make. With continuous laughter from Laura and myself we journeyed on to Plymouth, Indiana. A place filled with so many memories. We ate, of course, at the local Pizza Hut.

Now, this trip wasn't to just see the Grandparents. We received a warning last week that my grandfather isn't well. He is my Father's dad. He is awesome you guys. If you met him you would love him instantly. He is JUST like my dad, only a little taller. He was in the navy. He loves Jesus. And he loves my Grandma.

He was doing ok when we saw him. I am thankful we made the trip. We also got to see my mom's mom. But really, as I watched my grandma lean on my grandpa. As I watched her say goodbye because they can't live together anymore (after over 60 or 70 years) my heart broke. This is life. All roads lead here. Or the lead to leaving earlier. But they do end eventually.

I told Laura she should have brought Brandt to the nursing home so that he would get a picture of what long lasting, steadfast, love looks like in the face of Alzheimer's, broken hips, and memory loss.

And so I return. I return to Broadipple. I return to my singlehood. I return to my 25 year old, relatively healthy, body. I don't have cancer. I am free from sex slavery. I'm not in a wheel chair. I am thankful for the breath I am breathing now.

It is important now that I take what I saw this weekend to my heart, but also use it to change my days. To keep perspective. To change who I live for. They live for God. Leslie lived & died for her savior, and mine, Jesus Christ. Why would I not do the same? For this life is but a breath. I pray as I exhale one day I will see the faces of those I've loved, those who have loved me, and the moments when I obeyed, followed, and loved my Jesus well. And through that- lived my life to the fullest.

The Pit & A New Song

What is so beautiful about God? Besides the obvious majesty, power, love, etc., He is able to redeem... even a wretch like me.

Just 2 minutes ago I began to type a blog, regarding "the pit". If you're familiar with God's word you are probably familiar with the "pit". This pit being what I've felt like I am in. I have heard sermons preached on it, taught it in Sunday school, seen people fall in what I thought it was, and talked about it in Bible studies.

However, lately, my outcry to the Lord is one of desperation. I am requesting redemption from this slump I'm in. Its not as if I have turned my back on God, or I'm not spending time with Him, and neglecting His word. But rather just the opposite. I am filling my life with praise music, seeking Him more, and being diligent in the Word.

Which brings me to another point... as I was brushing my teeth I thought "Abba, if I turned every worry, every thought about the future, every concern, into a prayer- I would be in a much better state than I am now.

Anyway, back at the ranch - the pit. So I knew the Bible discusses this pit, and typically when I share with you (my sometimes existent blog readers) I like to share where the scripture comes from. Thankfully God often writes it on my heart, however, due to painful memory loss I have a hard time knowing where on earth it is. So I went to our good resource "www.biblegateway.com" to find it. No sir- the "pit" was only found in Genesis & Exodus. I knew it was somewhere in the Psalms. I gave up. I almost didn't write a blog tonight.

Then I thought "He put a new song in my heart". Because that is what I am longing for I thought I could share that nugget of hope with you. Unbeknown est to me God has wisdom in this thought flow. As I googled it, the praise song came up, and then a Christian blog. The blog that came up covered Pslam 40. Are you ready?

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

I cannot express to you the pertinence of this scripture in my heart tonight. For a couple weeks I have realized my distrust in God. I have prayed that my feet would be firmly planted in Him. Do you see what I see? God just brought it full circle, in one scripture, I haven't read recently by my desire to write a blog. Tears rolled down my cheeks when I saw that it was all there. As I spent time with Him this morning- He reminded me "Remember My faithfulness Katie".

He is so faithful. So trustworthy. So good. Pray for me. Pray that I would trust the only truly trustworthy being. The God of the universe. The God of my salvation. The God of my heart.

I pray that you are encouraged to spend time with Him. Remember Him. For He never forgets you.

Love your not so faithful blog writer,
Katie

A forward...Powerful Womans Motto

I'm sure if you're reading a blog you are updated on recent technologies. For years you have been checking email, from AOL, to yahoo, and now probably on to gmail. Well, my mom hasn't been so updated.

For quite a few years we've helped her turn on the computer, open up Microsite Word, and print. Recently she has figured out how to turn on the computer, type in Word, and print for herself. Of course the most recent venture is email. Oh ... this has been a big one. But I think she is getting the swing of things on gmail, and is learning how to work "g-chat".

Anyway, I opened up my email at work the other day and saw an email from "Barb Umbaugh". The subject line was "FWD: Fw: Powerful Womans Motto". So naturally I skip it. I made announcement in the office that my mom just learned how to email & is sending me forwards. And of course the wide response was 'OOOOHHHHHH NO"! :) I love my mom.

So today I come over to my parents and mom asks if I read it. I explain the culture of email and the typical reaction people have when seeing there is a forward in their inbox. So she was trying to find it, couldn't, so I logged on and grabbed it. Turns out I really should've read it when she sent it to me because I needed it. But it will now be my motto!

Powerful Women's Motto:
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says... "Oh crap....she's awake!!"

The War is Over...

I wrote the following blog last night when I found out that Leslie went home to Jesus. I just finished reading Tyson's blog.
I would say, at this moment, I am grieving more than I was last night. When Sarah died I was told grief comes in waves. On Tuesday night, on my knees before the Throne of God, I was battling for Leslie. During my prayers I saw a picture of a wave coming over my family, remembered those words about grief, knowing that Leslie would bring the next wave. I don't mean that in a bad way, but certainly you can understand that grief comes in waves... as do the "good" and "bad" times of life. The beautiful thing about belonging to a God who defies all "logic", there is "good" in what we consider "bad". There is hope in what we consider death.

Anna was telling me last week that Tj's (Leslie & Tyson's son), favorite song is "Mighty To Save". I personally loved that song, so to know a 2 year old knew every word I was 1. impressed and 2. thankful - that God chose that song to give Tj a love for. The words are filled with hope. "Savior. He can move the mountains. Our God is mighty to save."

In my moment of wonderment as Anna told me about that, I forgot some of the words. Today at church we worshiped, asked for forgiveness, and generally let the Spirit move us. The last song we sang today was "Mighty to Save".... and I began to cry as I pictured little Tj singing such a powerful truth - and the words sang over me like a blanket of peace...

HE ROSE AND CONQUERED THE GRAVE. JESUS CONQUERED THE GRAVE!

So with that, as tears continue to roll down my cheeks, I am thankful for Leslie's life, Tyson's life, and Tj's life. All three have ministered greatly to me, and I hope you too. Pray for them with me down the road ahead. And here is my blog post about the end of Leslie's war...

The war is over but she left footprints. The Lord used, and continues to use, Leslie in other's lives. She has touched me more deeply than most in my life. Through their blog I have been blessed enough to stay on top of their lives. Through prayer God has built a giant love for their family. Tj was the first baby I really took a liking to, and Leslie let me babysit. :)

Not only did Leslie touch my life, but she touched Anna's deeply. I believe they were kindred spirits. As Tyson mentioned to Anna they "speak their own language".

I guess things just move faster than anticipated. Tonight Leslie flew home to be with our Maker, Redeemer, and Lord. She is shouting joyfully for she has made it home... to a home we have yet to know but by abundant peace in the Spirit- we can "only imagine." There is no more battle. There is no more waging war. Because of Jesus... Leslie won. The war is over and she got to go home.

Of course after every battle, every war, there is damage. In the heat of battle there is a quake left, lives impacted, and hurting hearts. The end of this war is no different. Leslie leaves a 2 year old son (almost three) and a loving husband. The battle, and war, is not yet over for them. Because of the wounds left on these two soldiers, the "Healer" the "Doctor" must come. I pray for this tonight over Tyson and Tj... and the rest of Leslie's close family and friends... and everyone she touched. That as they sleep, and approach the thrown of grace, that in the midst of their hurt, their pain, and the long road of healing ahead of them... that they can thank the God who created Leslie to begin with. Thank God, who loves Leslie more than they ever could. And thank God that Leslie is healed, made whole, and sits in the arms of the Almighty, Eternal, Everlasting, Loving, God.

Tonight I thank God that He is Emmanuel. That He is with us. That in those precious moments in the hospital, that they were filled with the peace of God as He took her home, but remained with them. I thank God for His power. I thank God for His love. I thank God that she breaths easy in Heaven right now - and that she unites with my big sister until I see them again.

I long for that day. May I live, every day, for Jesus. Because God lived everyday so that He could die for me... God give me the strength to live every day so that I can die for You. Like Sarah did. Like Leslie did. Spread a blanket of peace now...

In Jesus Name,
Amen

The War

In our language (the American English language) we tend to toss around the word "battling" a lot; usually related to sickness. "I'm battling a cold" "I'm battling this cough" "I'm battling cancer"

I have encountered these battles; whether I have gone through them or those close to me have. More recently a friend (view their blog), I've mentioned before, has undergone a serious battle. One in which she didn't ask for, but nonetheless is fighting. She has cancer. It went from her sinus and is now surrounding her lungs. After extensive surgeries, forehead replacement, Leslie and her husband and son are certainly warriors in this battle.

For those of you who don't know Leslie is my sister Anna's kindred spirit. They met years ago and instantly became friends. Leslie has been a rock for Anna, and the roles have switched. Anna's pain from losing our sister Sarah at the point of her cancer spreading to her lungs, is surfacing through Leslie's battle, and is now a battle for her as well. She aches for her dear friend, and has asked me to pray.

I thought - why not take it one step further- there is a world of prayers out there. Across the globe. I would ask that you would pray.

Dictionary.com describes a battle like so: a hostile encounter or engagement between opposing military forces

This would insinuate that there are teams, or forces, fighting against one another. And typically a battle is part of a war. So in Leslie's case, in your case, who is your force and what is the war?

I believe we have the opportunity to join forces with Leslie in her battle against cancer; while not losing focus of the war that is raging around us. For the battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph 6)... however we can continually pray for one another and our voices will be heard. God exists on earth, it is a matter if we recognize His presence, and ask for His power believing that He is able.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Daniel 3)- they were asked to denounce the Lord. The said no, throw us into the flames, and we know our God CAN save us... but even if He doesn't, we still won't bow down to your god. So what happened? They were thrown into the flames.... in the dungeon. There was a battle. As they were in the "heat" of the battle (no pun intended) a dude, a guard perhaps, saw not three men in that dungeon walking around (in the flames mind you) but FOUR. (i.e. JESUS) Praise God right? EMMANUEL. But remember, they said "But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

So, lets press forward knowing the victory is in Jesus. He died on the cross that we might have eternal life- so we don't get caught up in the temporary, but live for things eternal. The battles are here, lets fight them, knowing the victory (OVER DEATH) is won. Participate with me in fighting with one another... victories are won in Jesus daily if we fight for THAT force, and not our flesh.

I plead with you - fight the fight for Leslie. Pray for her, pray for the Body of Christ around the world, and pray. Just pray. God is with you. He is listening. He is speaking, if we only let Him!

The Lord talks about these battles, or trials...

"when you will face trials of many kind" (James 1:2)

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. " (Eph 6:10)

And... he talks about fighting.
"Fight the good fight of the faith." (1 Tim 6:12)

And the armor:
"Therefore put on the full armor of God, ... "(Eph 6:13-18)

And from our friend Oswald Chambers... a word on victory.

A humbled heart

25

A number seemingly insignificant. The big ones are usually 16, 21, 30, 40, 50, etc. But for me 25 was really significant. I'm not sure what it is about my birthday but I love this day. Not in a way that I get to celebrate me, but I am so humbled by the overwhelming communication received.

Even if some are just simply facebook wall posts... someone took the time to see it was my birthday, go to my page, and wish me a happy birthday. 25- seemingly no big deal.

Today was beautiful in so many ways. Starting at 8am the text messages starting rolling in. I received phone calls pretty steadily throughout the day and tonight was dinner with my family. When I got back from our seminar this morning, that MediaSauce was hosting, my mom dropped off the most beautiful flowers! Filled with Lillys and roses... making my office smell lovely. Ahhh...

Then, I went out to lunch to my favorite (When Eddie Met Salad), then Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, then work. Then at work they surprised me with a card signed by all and a cake- in which they gathered up the troops and they all sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It just meant a lot to me - that a few people went out of their way to make this day so special to me.

At dinner my family surprised me with a restaurant I had never been before- and they had sweet potato fries. wowza. They were good! And then the gifts...I won't go into it, but I feel undeserving and thankful. Laura pleaded with me that I not feel guilty; that the gifts are an expression of their love for me. Well I feel loved!

When I got home tonight there was a gift in the mail from my friend Ashley- out in CA. It is her favorite classic novel and I can't wait to dive into it.

So many kind words today. So many humbling moments. I just want to give glory to God for such a tremendous day. I love Him so much, and as asked, I will give as I have received. May this be the desire and action of my heart. As He allows me to receive good gifts, may He equip me with the same heart to give.

So I wanted to thank you. I'm sure in some way you played a part. Thank you for the cards, the calls, the gifts, the texts, and yes even the facebook messages and wall posts. They all meant the world to me. On this one day, God has given me a tiny glimpse of how much He loves me. I pray that we will all get to feel this at some point in our lives. You gave me a bigger gift than I could've asked for- I felt loved. It wasn't about money, cakes, or food. You rallied around me. You wished me a happy birthday. You were glad I, little 'ol me, was born. Thank you. Thank you for loving me so well.

From the whole of my heart,
Katie

A Kahuna

My thoughts have been overflowing. I was sitting on a plane last night coming home from Florida missing my blog. I was hand writing an enormous thought and processing and I needed you dear blog.

Anyway, alas, I am at my computer once again. This won't be the kahuna- that will come tonight or tomorrow. But I did want to share something cool with you. I'm reading "Irresistible Revolution", sweet book by the way, but its really stretching my brain. Still not my point - in it - he mentions a company that after coming to know the Lord, they wanted to remain in the same vocation but now everything is fair trade.

So if you want to propose (make sure I would say yes first) and then buy the ring from: CRED

I found the website when I returned to my computer. They are out of the UK, I believe retailers are in London, but they make beautiful jewelry and a beautiful statement. They stand for something bigger and are standing against blood diamonds and that rotten industry. I'm not sure if you've seen the movie "Blood Diamond" - but that isn't far from the truth. In fact isn't it based off a true story?

It is something I have become intrigued with, and wanted to spread the good news! So check out CRED.

Support their mission with me.

A Call for Prayer...

I know I know- I could write one every day. This world is in so much need- every human has a reason to call upon the Almighty. Today, I am asking that you call upon Him for our friend Leslie.

She has cancer. She had it in her sinus, and it is now in her lungs making it difficult to breath. There is quite in bit in there, and they aren't sure as to the procedures they are going to take yet. It hits home, having lost Sarah to lung cancer- we are claiming victory through Jesus Christ for her life. She is married to Godly man, Tyson, and has a beautiful 2(I think) year old son named Tj. I weep with them - and I ask that you pray too.

Please read their blog. (especially the most recent) It will move your heart to worship through tears.

I read about Moses this morning. I read about God opening the red sea, closing it, swallowing the Egyptians, putting them into "confusion", the plagues, and the VICTORY through God that the Israelites received. That is what I claim for Leslie, Tyson, and Tj.

Lovingly yours,
Katie

A word from my dad...

So, this year I am hosting mother's day. Our typical hosting places (Mom & Anna's) - should not be occupied on this day due to the fact that it's their day!

So- I sent an email to the non-moms asking about food, and Sunday's extravaganza...I asked about food, Laura said she could make some cheesy potatoes, and I mentioned to dad that he said grilling and I asked if I should get some meat and then in response I get this awesome message from my dad. Quick, short, and to the point:

"I have tons of meat. I have propane. I have skills. We can talk. I got it covered. I love you. You are special! Love Daddy."

I thought the response was so good I HAD to post it. My dad makes me smile, and has really been helping me keep a good perspective lately. I love him a lot & wanted to share! I hope you enjoyed his response.

Passions ignited

God is everywhere. He is a God of the nations, and miraculously became the God of my heart - by no small sacrifice on His part.

I say this because He has ignited my passions again. He has brought my heart back to a continent I love like my own, and has set a fire in me for the people of Africa which can not be quenched.

A couple years ago, I was talking about what I did in Kenya, and how I loved those people and what I desire to see happen in those programs. One lady said how she didn't see why people go to other countries to help those people when we have so many hurting here. At the time I had nothing to say in response. However, since, I have been enveloped in an amazing group of people through my church. I am seeing more and more people's gifting and passions work for the full body. I don't believe everyone has to have the exact same passions, and gifts. We are the body of Christ; one body made up of many members. (1 Cor 12:12)

All that to say - my heart is for people here but it is also for people in Africa. I am praying about how to be more involved on a regular basis. There is a really neat organization call Blood:Water Mission. You should check it out.


They are a solid organization doing great things in the continent of Africa. I thought I would let you see a little bit of whats going on over there. I like to throw you cool stuff I find in hopes that it will inspire, encourage, break you, or just inform if you didn't know.

For me, when I see things like this, it is cause to worship. There are so many out there doing good things. Lets rally behind them. Join them to BE witnesses. As so simply stated at church on Sunday, people's last words are very important. Jesus' last words were this:

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7-8)

All I want is to BE His witness. To go to the ends of the earth - no matter where that is.

At the bottom of my previous post, there is a journal entry... I just stumbled on it, and it reminds me again of where I am now. Check it out- longing.

3 years ago...

3 years ago I didn't know that my sister would be gone in less than 24 hours. 3 years ago I was falling asleep in my bed, in my town house, in Bloomington. 3 years ago I was still grieving the loss of a friend in war. 3 years I had no idea what it was like to say goodbye- for good.

• 3 years ago and 3 hours I would know what its like to get the call "The doctor said it will be less than 24 hours.
• 3 years ago and 3.5 hours I would know what its like to drive 4 of us to the Carmel St.V's knowing that we were racing against the clock to say goodbye to our sister - trying to stay on the road.
• 3 years ago and 12 hours I would know what its like to be waiting for the inevitable. I would know what it was like for people to come and say their goodbyes. To apologize and make right hurt feelings and relationships.
• 3 years ago and 14 hours I would know what it was like to begin to wish to see your very own sister go to heaven instead of seeing her face the pain she is in.
• 3 years ago and 20 hours I would know what it was like to watch machines be turned off because that part of her God given body was no longer working. I would know what it was like to feel a hot hand go cold.
  
• 3 years ago and 20.5 hours I would know what it was like to see the mountains the heart monitor made, turn into a flat road.
• 3 years ago and 1 day I would lie in my bed hating that I had to leave her empty body at the hospital... crying from deep within me - from a place I didn't know existed - not knowing how to pray just continually crying out "God - Oh God".
• 3 years ago and 2 days I knew what it was like to begin to plan your sister's funeral. Help write her eulogy. I knew what it was like to receive cards, flowers, phone calls, and emails continually saying "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you".
  
• 3 years ago and 3 days I would know what it was like to somehow go to the mall and figure out what to wear to your big sister's funeral. Learning how to eat when you weren't really hungry- trying not to cry at the drop of a hat.
• 3 years ago and 4 days I would learn what it was like to see my big sister, lifeless, in a casket. I would know what it was like to see friends come out of the wood work - maybe they didn't know Sarah but they knew me and that was enough.
• 3 years ago and 5 days I would know what it was like to stand up in front of hundreds of people and say my last words about my sister I knew for 21 years. I would know what it was like to watch my sister's body get buried in the ground, knowing her soul - herself - was in heaven.
• 3 years ago I had no idea what was about to happen in 2 hours... and now, here i sit - having not seen my sister in 3 years. It is with tears I write and ache for her. I still can't believe this happened to us; and yet God has already gotten me through 3 years. I have experienced a lot in the 3 years Sarah's been gone. And that makes me sad to know she doesn't know some of my friends. She doesn't know about KAA. She doesn't know about Kenya.

But I guess it doesn't matter anyway - because I know what shes been doing the past 3 years. And the best part is, she doesn't have to come back to this sinful world - full of death, loss, heartbreak, hunger, tears, etc, But I get to go where she is, and where my Father is, waiting for me. I get to run on the streets of gold and worship God as I was made to. That is the day I long for.

So while these 3 years have been far from easy, and however many I have left to live... I anxiously await my time with my sister where there will be no heart monitors, no sin, no guilt, no shame, no regret...I long I ache I crave that day.

FROM ANNA'S WEDDING: Julie, Liza, Lydia, Me, & Sarah