Thursday, November 08, 2007

Dreams & Visions


I realized it’s been a while since I’ve bared my soul on my blog. I suppose it’s a good thing really… nor a really bad thing. It could be a good thing because I’ve found people to bare my soul to instead of pen & paper. (or in this case – a keyboard and the internet) It could be bad because things have been bottled up and I haven’t be sharing at all. Which isn’t the case. So if you were worried, be encouraged, I’m not about to burst.

Although as of late a neat turn of events has taken place. No I’m not moving, pregnant, married, or quitting my job. But God has just had a special hand in new relationships, conversations, dreams, and visions.

As you may or may not know Mo, my “father” and boss from Kenya, was here a few weeks ago. I hesitate telling you this because dreams don’t always happen – but as a good friend pointed out visions do. THUS! – I am changing my wording to tell you I have a vision. Its been an interesting journey that is leading up to this point in my thought. I go through old journal entries, blogs (perhaps not posted) and it makes mention of what I’m about to tell you. [got to love cliff hangers]

I have a vision to bring awareness of the good things that are happening through non-profit organizations globally through telling their story through video and photography. I know; it’s ambitious huh? J But God is bigger than me, thankfully, and who knows what God will foster. It’s awesome to see how much MediaSauce has played in growing my dreams about what I could do in the future. How much they’ve taught. I am still excited to be here. I’m thinking this is like 10 years down the road. So no worries- I’m not door knocking for money yet. But I’ve been encouraged at how things are coming together in my head. How this vision acts to fulfill every thing I love to do- travel, creativity, non-profits, relationships, speaking, and raising funds and awareness for things I believe in! OH ITS BEAUTIFUL!

Ah… that is one of the things that is going on in my head and heart as of late. The next thing is relationships. I have a friend who recently had to say goodbye to her daddy. Her dad had cancer and is now enjoying his treasure in Heaven. If you recall my sister is doing the same thing this very moment; and this year in April it will be her 3 year anniversary.

We, this friend and I, have been talking about it, through it, and something that we chat about are those moments of just an outburst. It could be the smallest thing. For her it was a t-shirt. Today, for me, it was a dream. When I woke up I was sobbing. Before you read what I wrote this morning when I woke up, you need to know when we were in the hospital ICU room with Sarah 2 ½ years ago, she said she didn’t want to go to Heaven. I think partially because she knew we all would have so much heartache and pain, and partially because I would imagine death isn’t an easy thing to face. And so at the end of this dream God flipped the story. He showed me truth though a lazy boy & three words. And so it goes…

I was driving up to Plymouth and Bridgette and Liza were going to meet me up there. Bridgette told me to get a baseball but I forgot before I left. So I pulled over and saw some people playing so I thought I would ask for one. This man walked me over to a gazebo where people were hanging out. He grabbed me a ball.

He tossed it to me & then it became as if people had a dog chain on them holding them to the gazebo. The guy started to put one on me and then the dream changed…

As dreams always drastically change, it was my family. But the only members I recall are my dad, mom, grandpa who died when I was 9, Laura, my aunt Betty, and my sister Sarah. Sarah was sitting in a chair, and she was sick. In the beginning she had her short hair that she did when she had cancer, and towards the end of the dream is was long again.

Anyway, Grandpa woke up and it wasn’t just from a sleep. He woke up from 20 years of not remembering. So he didn’t know Laura. But as he remembered he walked around and hugged everybody. He gave us the tightest hugs. I was standing next to Sarah he hugged her, then hugged me, then leaned down and hugged her again. He said “Be thankful for what you have”. Sarah grabbed and squeezed my hand… much like when she was dying (in real life) and we both started to cry. As he laid her back down in her chair, she let go of my hand, and she started saying “Just take me home. Take me home.”

There were other elements of this dream but I woke up and just starting balling for the reasons above. I’m not one to know what dreams mean, but when I remember them and they seem significant its best if I write them down.

Thank you Jesus for my dream. Thank you for teaching me through Sarah again last night, and my Grandpa. I pray that as I walk through this life that I would continually be thankful for what I have, where I am, and what You’re doing. Thank you that this time Sarah was the one saying “Take me home.” I miss her so much. I miss her touch, her smell, her hands, and her hugs. I miss her encouragement, her perspective, and her unending love.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson