Monday, April 28, 2008

Passions ignited

God is everywhere. He is a God of the nations, and miraculously became the God of my heart - by no small sacrifice on His part.

I say this because He has ignited my passions again. He has brought my heart back to a continent I love like my own, and has set a fire in me for the people of Africa which can not be quenched.

A couple years ago, I was talking about what I did in Kenya, and how I loved those people and what I desire to see happen in those programs. One lady said how she didn't see why people go to other countries to help those people when we have so many hurting here. At the time I had nothing to say in response. However, since, I have been enveloped in an amazing group of people through my church. I am seeing more and more people's gifting and passions work for the full body. I don't believe everyone has to have the exact same passions, and gifts. We are the body of Christ; one body made up of many members. (1 Cor 12:12)

All that to say - my heart is for people here but it is also for people in Africa. I am praying about how to be more involved on a regular basis. There is a really neat organization call Blood:Water Mission. You should check it out.

They are a solid organization doing great things in the continent of Africa. I thought I would let you see a little bit of whats going on over there. I like to throw you cool stuff I find in hopes that it will inspire, encourage, break you, or just inform if you didn't know.

For me, when I see things like this, it is cause to worship. There are so many out there doing good things. Lets rally behind them. Join them to BE witnesses. As so simply stated at church on Sunday, people's last words are very important. Jesus' last words were this:

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7-8)

All I want is to BE His witness. To go to the ends of the earth - no matter where that is.

At the bottom of my previous post, there is a journal entry... I just stumbled on it, and it reminds me again of where I am now. Check it out- longing.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

3 years ago...

3 years ago I didn't know that my sister would be gone in less than 24 hours. 3 years ago I was falling asleep in my bed, in my town house, in Bloomington. 3 years ago I was still grieving the loss of a friend in war. 3 years I had no idea what it was like to say goodbye- for good.

  • 3 years ago and 3 hours I would know what its like to get the call "The doctor said it will be less than 24 hours.
  • 3 years ago and 3.5 hours I would know what its like to drive 4 of us to the Carmel St.V's knowing that we were racing against the clock to say goodbye to our sister - trying to stay on the road.
  • 3 years ago and 12 hours I would know what its like to be waiting for the inevitable. I would know what it was like for people to come and say their goodbyes. To apologize and make right hurt feelings and relationships.
  • 3 years ago and 14 hours I would know what it was like to begin to wish to see your very own sister go to heaven instead of seeing her face the pain she is in.
  • 3 years ago and 20 hours I would know what it was like to watch machines be turned off because that part of her God given body was no longer working. I would know what it was like to feel a hot hand go cold.
  • 3 years ago and 20.5 hours I would know what it was like to see the mountains the heart monitor made, turn into a flat road.
  • 3 years ago and 1 day I would lie in my bed hating that I had to leave her empty body at the hospital... crying from deep within me - from a place I didn't know existed - not knowing how to pray just continually crying out "God - Oh God".
  • 3 years ago and 2 days I knew what it was like to begin to plan your sister's funeral. Help write her eulogy. I knew what it was like to receive cards, flowers, phone calls, and emails continually saying "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you".
  • 3 years ago and 3 days I would know what it was like to somehow go to the mall and figure out what to wear to your big sister's funeral. Learning how to eat when you weren't really hungry- trying not to cry at the drop of a hat.
  • 3 years ago and 4 days I would learn what it was like to see my big sister, lifeless, in a casket. I would know what it was like to see friends come out of the wood work - maybe they didn't know Sarah but they knew me and that was enough.
  • 3 years ago and 5 days I would know what it was like to stand up in front of hundreds of people and say my last words about my sister I knew for 21 years. I would know what it was like to watch my sister's body get buried in the ground, knowing her soul - herself - was in heaven.
  • 3 years ago I had no idea what was about to happen in 2 hours... and now, here i sit - having not seen my sister in 3 years. It is with tears I write and ache for her. I still can't believe this happened to us; and yet God has already gotten me through 3 years. I have experienced a lot in the 3 years Sarah's been gone. And that makes me sad to know she doesn't know some of my friends. She doesn't know about KAA. She doesn't know about Kenya.

But I guess it doesn't matter anyway - because I know what shes been doing the past 3 years. And the best part is, she doesn't have to come back to this sinful world - full of death, loss, heartbreak, hunger, tears, etc, But I get to go where she is, and where my Father is, waiting for me. I get to run on the streets of gold and worship God as I was made to. That is the day I long for.

So while these 3 years have been far from easy, and however many I have left to live... I anxiously await my time with my sister where there will be no heart monitors, no sin, no guilt, no shame, no regret...I long I ache I crave that day.

FROM ANNA'S WEDDING: Julie, Liza, Lydia, Me, & Sarah