3 years ago...

3 years ago I didn't know that my sister would be gone in less than 24 hours. 3 years ago I was falling asleep in my bed, in my town house, in Bloomington. 3 years ago I was still grieving the loss of a friend in war. 3 years I had no idea what it was like to say goodbye- for good.

• 3 years ago and 3 hours I would know what its like to get the call "The doctor said it will be less than 24 hours.
• 3 years ago and 3.5 hours I would know what its like to drive 4 of us to the Carmel St.V's knowing that we were racing against the clock to say goodbye to our sister - trying to stay on the road.
• 3 years ago and 12 hours I would know what its like to be waiting for the inevitable. I would know what it was like for people to come and say their goodbyes. To apologize and make right hurt feelings and relationships.
• 3 years ago and 14 hours I would know what it was like to begin to wish to see your very own sister go to heaven instead of seeing her face the pain she is in.
• 3 years ago and 20 hours I would know what it was like to watch machines be turned off because that part of her God given body was no longer working. I would know what it was like to feel a hot hand go cold.
  
• 3 years ago and 20.5 hours I would know what it was like to see the mountains the heart monitor made, turn into a flat road.
• 3 years ago and 1 day I would lie in my bed hating that I had to leave her empty body at the hospital... crying from deep within me - from a place I didn't know existed - not knowing how to pray just continually crying out "God - Oh God".
• 3 years ago and 2 days I knew what it was like to begin to plan your sister's funeral. Help write her eulogy. I knew what it was like to receive cards, flowers, phone calls, and emails continually saying "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you".
  
• 3 years ago and 3 days I would know what it was like to somehow go to the mall and figure out what to wear to your big sister's funeral. Learning how to eat when you weren't really hungry- trying not to cry at the drop of a hat.
• 3 years ago and 4 days I would learn what it was like to see my big sister, lifeless, in a casket. I would know what it was like to see friends come out of the wood work - maybe they didn't know Sarah but they knew me and that was enough.
• 3 years ago and 5 days I would know what it was like to stand up in front of hundreds of people and say my last words about my sister I knew for 21 years. I would know what it was like to watch my sister's body get buried in the ground, knowing her soul - herself - was in heaven.
• 3 years ago I had no idea what was about to happen in 2 hours... and now, here i sit - having not seen my sister in 3 years. It is with tears I write and ache for her. I still can't believe this happened to us; and yet God has already gotten me through 3 years. I have experienced a lot in the 3 years Sarah's been gone. And that makes me sad to know she doesn't know some of my friends. She doesn't know about KAA. She doesn't know about Kenya.

But I guess it doesn't matter anyway - because I know what shes been doing the past 3 years. And the best part is, she doesn't have to come back to this sinful world - full of death, loss, heartbreak, hunger, tears, etc, But I get to go where she is, and where my Father is, waiting for me. I get to run on the streets of gold and worship God as I was made to. That is the day I long for.

So while these 3 years have been far from easy, and however many I have left to live... I anxiously await my time with my sister where there will be no heart monitors, no sin, no guilt, no shame, no regret...I long I ache I crave that day.

FROM ANNA'S WEDDING: Julie, Liza, Lydia, Me, & Sarah