Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Tongue Tied and Heart Broken

I didn’t notice that I hadn’t posted a blog in a while, until my friend (some of us call her Muffin Manda – maybe just me) reminded me that it had been a hot minute. Alas, I am now writing you.


As I began to pray for the words to speak to you here, lyrics from a Christian song popped into my head. “Give me words to speak. Don’t let my spirit sleep. I can’t think of anything worth saying but I know that I owe you my life.”


These past few weeks that I have ignored you, the few the proud the brave blog readers of mine, my spirit has not slept. I assure you. Over the past few weeks I have come to realize, as if I didn’t already know, that life is a series of “ups” and “downs”. I put those in quotes because what we define as ups are typically the easier times of life, and the “downs” are the suffering. However, “count it as pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds…” Joy doesn’t always mean happiness, but joy, hope, peace, can exist in suffering, or in trials. Counting it joy, and abiding in the love of God. “Abide in my love”. That is my aim lately.


Two weeks ago, it was determined that my dad has an enlarged heart, possibly caused by pneumonia. He was put on meds and told to “take it easy”. The loss of his father was already weighing heavy on his heart and mind. His suffering became an insurmountable hill where he lacked the strength to climb. [Insert the strength of the Lord] When finding out the news of the enlarged heart (making it hard for Dad to breath or be active), my family was, obviously, affected deeply.


Almost a week ago, he went into the ER after having trouble breathing. It was determined that he is anemic, and there could be other things to follow. Somewhere in my dad’s lovable 6 foot 3 inch body, there is internal bleeding going on. Next week’s tests will begin and we will find out the “source” of this. Alas, another journey, another “down”, and all the more reason for me to turn my eyes toward Jesus.


Last week my heart sank as I heard of another profound goings on within the body of Christ. I won’t go into details, for they are not mine to share, but a friend of mine, her mother, is battling cancer. I knew of the cancer, but the incline of the mountain they are climbing increased significantly. I do not say “battle” lightly, knowing the hills, mountains rather, that she and her family are climbing. Here is another beautiful God loving family who is facing suffering… enduring suffering… seeking Jesus in the middle of their trials. There is a very serious surgery that is coming up on the 3rd of December. She is challenging us, in her words, to be thankful for how God has blessed us with those sitting around that Thanksgiving table. After “losing” Sarah, my sensitivity to those around me, how much I love them, and how thankful I am was there. It still is, but it takes times like watching my friend endure her mothers battle with cancer, that I remember how painful, how gut wrenching the tears are, how you fight any fear that is there, and how you put your mind on the hope that is in Christ and prayers on healing. Tears welled up in my eyes reading Susie’s words on her blog today…


“As you sit down to your Thanksgiving dinner this year look around at the people you love and tell them all how much they mean to you. You never know what tomorrow will bring.”


Now you’ve seen why my heart is breaking, and now for the tongue tied. I lost my big sister to cancer, 3.5 years ago. (can you believe its been that long? I can’t.) I walked a steep mountain with her for the 9 months of the fight. There were victories along the way, and the ultimate victory which God gave through Jesus to Sarah. She did indeed enter into eternal glory with our savior. My sister was a beautiful 26 year old, who loved children, loved to cook, love her family, loved Jesus… and was an absolute joy to those she met. Her smile contagious, her laugh addicting. Some days you just couldn’t soak up enough of Sarah.


Mollys mom, Susie, who is a bubble of joy every time I see her, is now facing “trials of many kinds”, and suffering that makes you want to say “take this cup from me” (or her, or them). I prayed for Sarah for 9 months for healing, knowing God’s will is good pleasing and perfect whatever the end of this particular story was. In light of my ending, or rather Sarah’s beginning in Heaven, how do I respond to someone like the McCrackens? How do I love them in the midst of this knowing the outcome of my story? I am tongue tied. All I can say is that I am on my knees, before Jesus, for you. I am with you in this, as I know so many are.


For a long time I asked that you join with me in prayer for the Aschliman family. Tyson and Tj are now living with out Leslie (in a physical sense). God is sustaining them and healing them. Tyson just posted a blog in regards to prayer and suffering that speaks to this very thing. Good to hear and keep in sight as I pray for the McCrackens, as I pray for my dad, and as dearly loved people, part of the family of God, face suffering.


I would ask that you join me again, as the body of Christ, before the throne of grace abundant, for the McCrackens. Follow their blog. Be faithful in prayer for them. The greatest gift we can give is to love them as Jesus does. To acknowledge that Jesus loves them, has not left them, nor will He ever, and to be present with them in their suffering. Lets BE the body. Mourn with those who mourn, laugh with those who laugh, rejoice with those who rejoice, and suffer with those who suffer.


Read their blog (http://ohhowhelovesq.blogspot.com) and put them on your prayer list. Let’s get on our knees for and with them before the God who created them. Lets love as Christ asks us to.


I am tongue tied and heart broken. I am more aware of His grace every day. I am more aware of His love for me. I am thankful that my hope is in Heaven, and that this present suffering only compares to the glory on the other side. To GOD be the glory on this earth, and that I would live my life as an offering to Him.


Full of His love and grace...

Katie

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