A storm...

Batten down the hatches. Put up the storm windows. Another blizzard is coming in. Snow piled in feet at our door. Not sure we packed enough for this one.


Yesterday my family had our Thanksgiving. [Thursday we got together. It was pretty ok. Nice to be at Annas. I ran a race that morning which was fun & wicked cold. But that is a different blog for another time]

As we watched the Colts barely win, and then the Hoosiers struggle for a victory, the mood at my parents was mediocre. Laura brought up how cute it would be for all of us to wear our Colts jerseys for a Christmas card. Quickly a response comes, “what would we say?”, and in that Umbaugh sarcasm, “We are having the happiest of holidays.” Anna chimes in “Pray for us!” I mention creating something like a prayer card… (Jokingly) “Here is a list of things you can pray for us about.”


This isn’t a “poor us” email, or a request or plea for you to feel bad for us. It is simply recognition of the storm that isn’t coming, but has arrived. The storm began in 2004 when my sister was diagnosed with cancer and the hits just haven’t stopped coming. Mixed in the last 4 years have been times of immense pain and extreme joy. Currently we are in one of the more painful times of life as God works His plans in and through us.

My family is one of faith, but we are never void of emotion. My grandpa, my dad’s dad, went to Heaven in October of this year. If you’re new to this blog, which is doubtful, there is a post or two about him back in October. Check it out.


Anyway, three weeks prior it was a waiting game of ups and downs. My dad stayed in Plymouth (Indiana, not Rock) the majority of the time. His time consisted of sleeping on the floor of the nursing home, with his dad in bed and my grandma in the recliner. He didn’t get much sleep those three weeks, and as always in death, it often doesn’t hit you until after the fact. It has been hitting my dad for weeks now. Along with his heart and blood flow. My dad is having tests tomorrow, Tuesday, to see whats going on in him. We know there is internal bleeding, but the cause is uncertain. I know I just wrote about this but frankly its hitting me harder than I’ve recognized.

We could find out a lot or a little. It could be anywhere from cancer to an ulcer. We are hoping for the later, but certainly won’t know until tomorrow. If there is a “cancer possibility” there will be more tests to be had.


As with anything, this does not just wear on the person going through it, but it wears on those they love and who love them. This is certainly wearing on my family, and more specifically my mom. I did not get permission to post this blog, or write about them, but I trust the eyes that fall on this blog will lift them up in prayer. I trust that those of who you stumbled on my blog will be challenged to pray. (even if you aren’t used to it)


My mom has shown more bravery and strength in the last 2 months than I have ever seen in her. It has been a beautiful experience for me to watch as she would “rise to the challenge” to take care of my dad the way she is. For my parents…each individual is in desperate need of strength and peace. They are both squeezed to the pulp. Tuesday could mean a lot of things, and I pray out of God’s grace that it would mean a quick fix, health for my dad, and ultimately joy for my family.


But alas, if it does mean more testing, if it does mean cancer, we will stare at it straight in the face and say “we will not let you take us down. God has the victory be it in this life or the next.” My family knows that truth, and we will rest in that truth once again. (if that is indeed where this is going) We will take life one day at a time as we’ve done for the last 4 years.

I am not ignoring God’s graces in storms, or His immense love for me. Job poured out his heart in his angst and heartache, and I am doing the same. I will remain faithful to my God, for His love for me, and my family, stretches beyond my comprehension.


He is faithful, even in sickness, and even in my sin. And so I will be faithful to Him, even in the face of trials, and my parents suffering. I don’t discount this is “my suffering” too, but I wish I could take it from them; the hurt, the grief, the pain, the illness. However, that is my Dad’s cross to bear, and my mom’s cross to bear. My cross is suffering along side them. I will pick it up, and I will follow Him.


There are other things that are happening in my life as an individual that aren’t cultivating peace. However, the One who offers me peace is always with me.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

I am challenged to seek Him first. It makes sense why the word says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Oddly enough, it comes from Matthew 6, in the ever famous passage of scripture about not worrying.


I do think, beyond food and clothing, God promises something else. I never thought that the things that would be “added” are peace, joy, comfort, wisdom… I just HAVE to put my trust, and turn my outcries to God before others. I must seek first His kingdom. My desire must be His. “God, to YOU be the glory in this seeming mess … and whatever that means it means.” “God YOUR will be done.”

As my eyes grow weary of watching my family’s suffering, as I grow tired of seeing my Daddy, the man in my life, hurt so deeply, I cry out to God for healing. I ask that you would please join with me in this.


I thank God for the words of wisdom my beautiful friend Amanda, out poured to me last night in a text message. As I reflect on her words, as I read again her love expressed here, it hits me “This is the body. This is the community I long for and am now experiencing. Praise God!” These words brought tears to my eyes…


“The word compassion comes from the roots that mean literally to ‘suffer with’; to show compassion means sharing in the suffering ‘passion’ of another. To live with compassion means to enter others dark moments. It is to walk into places of pain, not to flinch or look away when another agonizes. It means to stay where people suffer. You, my friend, are compassionate to me and to your friends you mentioned on your blog. I am honored to call you friend. I promise to be that for you as I pray for you and all of the things that make your heart heavy right now. Love you lots.”


She also gave me this verse on Sunday: (James 5:16b-18)

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.”

You are the righteous ones. Thank you for being a part of my life by reading this blog. Even if this is your first time or your last, thank you for being faithful in reading, keeping up, and praying for my friends and family that I mention. Thank you for praying for me.

As I sit here, reflecting on what my heart has poured out to you, Sara Groves song “What I thought I wanted” popped on, and these words sang over my agitation.


I keep wanting you to be fair

But that’s not what you said

I want certain answers to these prayers

But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job

I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows

About what it is he wanted and what he got instead

How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted...

Staring in the water like Esops foolish dog

I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost

What it was I wanted, what I got instead

Leaves me broken and grateful

I’m broken and grateful

I want to be broken and grateful

I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful


I stand (or rather sit) here broken and praying. I am grateful for God, His sovereignty, His goodness, His faithfulness, and His love bestowed on my family and me…just needing the prayers of the saints.


Thank you.

Katie