Tears in a bottle...

As I sit in almost uncontrollable tears, I'm examining my heart. Why am I crying so hard and so much? I can't explain it. I share a similar experience to the McCrackens and the Stands but it runs deeper than that. There is this ache in my heart that goes beyond words or explanation. I almost "feel bad" for feeling their pain so deeply in my own heart.

I am NOT making myself out to be some saint. I guess as I sat here, read the blogs, my heart was torn open and tears, like a flood, began to fall out.

I praise God that He does indeed (as pointed out in a comment on the McCracken's blog) collect tears. My dear friend Amanda gave me one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever received. A bottle. Its a little glass bottle, with a ton of colorful beads it in. On this bottle it has this verse:

You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? (Psalm 56:8)

I never used to be a crier. I was kind of an "internal processor", and because of this in my high school days, and early college, anger inevitably followed. It would take me hours of crying to figure out the "source" of this frustration, anger, and sadness I was feeling. When Sarah was diagnosed with cancer somehow God released me. He released my tear ducts, my anger, my fear of being real and vulnerable (not completely... but I'm working on it), and because of the immense pain I felt with her, along side of her suffering, my tears were released.

Since then, I'm a "hot mess". Tears come really easily and often. I wear my "heart on my sleeve". And so it is today.

It struck me today how upset I am for my friends. How my heart physically aches with them, and how if I let it I could cry for hours for their pain. Perhaps all those tears I never released, up until (almost ... on 4/10) 4 years ago, that my sister went to Heaven, He is now letting me use them for others.

I used them on Leslie and Tyson. I used them on my Grandpa and Grandma. I used them for my parents. I use them now for the McCrackens and for the Strands.

Really, this is a call to prayer. Please pray for my beautiful friends as they walk the road of suffering. Tears and prayer are the only response I bring to the table. I remember when Sarah went home to Jesus. Some tried to encouraged. Others just said "I don't know what to say". All I needed to know is that I was loved; because certainly I didn't know what to say and I still don't. But here is what is on my heart for each family....

Susie & family... I love you. I love you deeply. I have ALWAYS been so encouraged by you, and your family. The life and energy that radiates from every member of your family is encouraging. I'll never forget the moment at Molly's wedding when all of the sisters sang a beautiful hymn of praise to the God we worship. Thank you for living your lives boldly for Christ, from the time I met you all in junior high until now. I pray that peace will fall on your lives like a warm blanket and that you may find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Laurie & family.... same goes for you. Laurie thank you for your post about peace and entrusting your family into God's hands. How beautiful are the hands that crafted you together in your mother's womb. He is certainly with you, abiding in this moment, with you. I pray for more peace that passes all understanding, and that it will continue to guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I love you.

To all families, in every walk of life, I believe in the God who split the Red Sea. I believe in the God who walked on water. I believe in the God who turned water into wine. I believe in the God who sent His Son to die for us and then raised Him from the dead. I believe He is with you all. In this moment. Crying with me. I am praying for you and available to you in every possible way.

With a humble heart loving you all...

Katie