A Day of Birth

Today marks what would have been my sister Sarah’s 29^th birthday. This morning I was thinking about all of her birthdays, and how we used to celebrate. If she were here we would probably be going to Benihana. She would have gotten the combo meal with shrimp & steak, eat one bite of salad, and most of her soup. Then we would have told them it was her birthday, they would have come out, we would sing, and then she would get a Polaroid photo taken with some crazy balloon hat on her head. She wouldn’t have been embarrassed – she would have soaked it up loving every minute. That’s what we would have done. But she isn’t here, so today I will go about my normal routine; whatever it is I do without Sarah being present. My head is filled with memories of her birthdays, but there are others who are filled with other memories more painful. No not her death- however painful it is to remember the hospital bed, us singing to her, praying with her, weeping over her… not those memories.

I thought of my mom. I thought about how she doesn’t immediately remember restaurants, hats, and songs; she remembers giving birth. She can remember Sarah, 29 years ago today, meeting her first child. She remembers Sarah’s first bath, Sarah’s first step, Sarah’s first word, Sarah’s first smile. She remembers Sarah’s first and last day of her life. Of course my dad too. That is something I cannot understand. That is a pain I can’t imagine feeling. So I pray for them today. I pray that they would see her in their dreams. I pray that they would be able to celebrate that 29 years ago they welcomed their first child into the world. And in a few months, they would be able to celebrate that they ushered that same child back into Heaven where she came from; 3 years ago. That is my prayer today. Pray with me.


Mom & Dad with Sarah Jane:

Continue praying...

Here are two more updates from those living in Kenya right now. Please read, and take serious consideration of praying for them on a consistent basis.

The good news is the violence has cooled and many businesses and parts of the country are getting back to normal. The bad news is that this is not the whole picture. If you just look a little below the surface or around the corner you will quickly find the real story going on in Kenya today. It is a bleak picture and one full of sadness. The nation is mourning as it is waking up to the realization that it is capable of such violence and hatred. Never did we believe that neighbors could turn on neighbors like they have. Is it possible that Kenyans could be capable of genocide? No one wants to believe it. Yet, there are reports of ethnic killings and mass hate emails and texts being spread around the country to dehumanize particular tribes. There are strong and clear divisions everywhere. People are very aware of people’s tribe and affiliation. Even to the level of aid responses, we were today being warned of sending the wrong tribe of Nationals into an area for fear of their own safety. There really is a sense of division.

Today is Saturday but when a crisis comes there are no weekends. Diane and I attended meeting after meeting today at the UN. Agencies, churches and individuals trying to help met to find some level of coordination. The reports coming in show upwards of 200,000 IDPs (internally displaced people). This means that 200,000 people that had homes and a sense of security a week ago today are on the street, looking for shelter, water and food. Nearly 300 have died from the police and army as well as from the ethnic violence. Reports of rape and robbery are climbing in the slums and everyone seems to be looking for an opportunity to act lawless. Shops that line the slums and various centers are being looted and often set on fire. Convoys that are trying to get food and supplies to the most hard hit areas are being blocked and looted. What makes things worse is that the issues Kenya is dealing with or not dealing with so well are now having an impact on the neighboring countries. Uganda is taking in refugees and suffering from a lack of fuel as Kenya is the pathway for the petrol/gas transport and no transport is moving. Almost all commercial transport has ceased so food and supplies going to Sudan, Somalia, Uganda, the Congo and other regions that have suffered humanitarian crises are now suffering more as their main port (Kenya’s Mombassa) has nearly shut down and the vehicles are not moving.

According to the UN’s World Food Program (WFP) there is enough food in the country for this crisis at the moment but people are starving because of not having access to the food. Just about 5 km from my house is a camp that has just started, Jamhuri Park. Tonight there are over 4000 people sleeping there and there are no tents or structures, little food but even less fuel to cook the food and water is becoming an issue.

The deeper issue in all of this is the ethnic tension. Even if there is a recount of the votes or a new election in a few month, it won’t fix this deep resentment felt by many of the tribes against the Kikuyu. Then, what if the fighting has stopped… Will people feel safe going home? Doubtfully. So, this becomes a long term response with immediate needs. Mostly we need prayers and God’s provision to lead us to the way of true reconciliation.

AND ANOTHER ASKING FOR PRAYER:

You have most likely read of the crisis facing Kenya, especially over the past one week. After an election whose results were rejected by the opposition, many parts of the country encountered pockets of violence that has left over 300 dead and 150,000 displaced people. Both the government and the opposition have accused each other of rigging in the presidential poll, and with lots of intervention from local and international peacemakers, are seeking amicable solutions to the ensuing impasse.

Many of you have written to ask after our welfare. We thank you for your prayers and concern. We fortunately live in the city in a neighborhood that has not been directly affected by the violence. We have kept safe by keeping our heads down. However, that does not diminish the pain we feel for many who have not been as fortunate. Keeping our heads down is probably not even the most godly solution to our situation right now, and we are seeking ways of becoming engaged—not in the politics, but in being salt and light and responding to the humanitarian crisis that faces our country today. Our hearts are heavy and we grieve the things we have seen, heard and felt.

I especially grieve for the youth who have mostly been used in the frontlines to fight the battles of politicians who are safely in their well guarded homes and travel in their bullet proof limos. Never before in our history have Satan’s lies been more visible as they are played out in the Kenyan arena. I feel the call even stronger now to be a frontline agent of instilling a Biblical Worldview that says, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Kenya will be saved because of the heart of God, working in and through his people. Africa will thrive in His Name!

Would you join us in prayer? I am here attaching items from the prayer bulletin of our church, Karura Community Church, for tomorrow’s worship services.

In Your Prayer Closet

Kenya is bleeding, the righteous must stand in the gap!

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive heir sin and will heal their land.”

(II Chronicles 7:14)

· Pray for an amicable solution to the Elections impasse. Pray that justice, truth and peace in Kenya will be served.

· Pray for Raila Odinga and Mwai Kibaki, the two men at the centre of Kenya’s pain.

· Pray for our fragile democracy, now threatened by an unsatisfactory election.

· Tribalism has shown itself to be a crisis in Kenya, one that is resulting in bloodshed. Sadly, even in the Church, even among its leaders, tribal allegiance seems to control our response to politics more than truth and righteousness does. Pray that we, the Church, a people whose nationality is one in the kingdom, will be a light to the rest of our countrymen. That love will not only be possible, but will predominate in our inter-ethnic relations.

· Pray concerning the ethnic violence, that it will stop; that the displaced will be able to return to their homes in peace. Pray that people throughout the country will be able to go about their business in peace.

· Pray for those who have lost loved ones through the violence of the last week. Pray also for those whose businesses and/or homes have been destroyed.

· Pray that fomenters of violence and murder will be stopped, and justice prevail.

Thank you.

Kenya Elections

I would ask as you read this begin to lift up Kenya. As elections ended, and Kibaki won, there is rioting, looting, burning & killing happening throughout Kenya. What was a rather peaceful nation is in turmoil.

Please pray for peace in that nation. Pray for unity. Pray for the violence to cease.

Pray. Pray. Pray. God is in Kenya; living, active, and moving through the hearts of those people. Lets pray with faith knowing God is big enough to stop wars from starting and to bring peace.
[Psalm 29:10-11]

http://allafrica.com/kenya/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22460182/

Kenyan Newspapers:
The Standard
Daily Nation

A word from those in Kenya right now:

The violence in Nairobi is around the slums, and fortunately we live away from any. Every once in a while we will hear gun shots in the distance, but so far we would have had to go out to look for trouble in order to find it. We grieve for the hundreds hurt or killed and thousands displaced (we know a few of the latter) and cant wait for this madness to end. But God is good, even in these circumstances.

People want normalcy. The last two days we have been able to go out to visit friends and buy provisions. Stores were open and I even ran into traffic snarl-ups today. Please pray for the country as tomorrow, the opposition has insisted on calling a mass rally where the leader, Raila, will be “sworn in” in a civilian coup—a sure recipe for a violent confrontation.

Unfortunately, the youth are misused at times like this... gleefully take to the streets to kill, burn and loot. All the more need for the instilling of a biblical worldview in their lives...

We appreciate your prayers. The Christian leaders have called for a three day fast and prayer. Consider joining us if you can.

Restlessness...

Will there be rest for my heart? I have found lately that I seem to be in a constant state of restlessness. Perhaps its discontentment coming out through restlessness, or is it that I am restless waiting for something to occur?

I ask questions because I don’t have the answers. So if you read those questions thinking “yeah- what are the answers?” I don’t have them for you. I wish I did. I wish I knew why humans, me especially, always seem ready for the next phase. But I wouldn't say this is a life-stage discontentment. I’m fine with being 24, working, single… but more along the lines of in this stage of life, am I doing what I should? Am I missing the still quiet voice of the Savior encouraging me to go in a particular direction – or even scarier – saying “stay”?

I don’t know. To be frank, I have no idea what God wants me to do. Possibly in my restlessness he wants me to rest- in Him; whether that means moving, staying, selling my car, going to other countries, or just being clueless but being ok with that. That could be the issue here. My “need” or really my want to know whats going on and what God will do in the next 6 months. Truthfully I have no clue what is in store, and don’t let me get away with saying I’m ok with it. Because the results are in, I am a discontented human who has a ridiculous want to know everything the God of the Universe does! Wow am I sinful. Thankfully I most assuredly have the Holy Spirit reminding me I am such, and despite my serious state of humanity- God loves me. He doesn’t just love a part of me, He loves me. All of me. And in my sin. That is the most incredible part.

So now, after reading this, you ask yourself, “Why would I need to know everything if I have a trustworthy God at the reigns?” The answer is, I have no idea. I wish I didn’t want to know. I wish I did just trust all the time. If I can trust him with my soul. My eternity. Why I don’t trust Him with tomorrow? Why don’t I think He will give me the desires in my heart? He isn’t out to get me, despite popular thought in my head. He loves me more than I love myself. Thus, He has decided to work out His will in my life. Which after the fact, I’m always thankful I didn’t know- because had I known I probably would have run- but after it all happens, whatever “it” is, I am thankful. And as I heard on Sunday, salvation always comes through suffering. That’s the way it happened for Jesus to purchase our salvation; and I can guarantee our present sufferings are NOTHING compared to His, and compared to what He has gained us through those sufferings.

So yes I am restless. Even at the end of this long flow of thought, I am still restless. I want to do more, go more places, live out passions, desires, hopes, and dreams. But before I get ahead of myself I have to remember, all of it is in vain if Jesus isn’t at the wheel. Amen?!

Dreams & Visions

11.8.07

I realized it’s been a while since I’ve bared my soul on my blog. I suppose it’s a good thing really… nor a really bad thing. It could be a good thing because I’ve found people to bare my soul to instead of pen & paper. (or in this case – a keyboard and the internet) It could be bad because things have been bottled up and I haven’t be sharing at all. Which isn’t the case. So if you were worried, be encouraged, I’m not about to burst.

Although as of late a neat turn of events has taken place. No I’m not moving, pregnant, married, or quitting my job. But God has just had a special hand in new relationships, conversations, dreams, and visions.

As you may or may not know Mo, my “father” and boss from Kenya, was here a few weeks ago. I hesitate telling you this because dreams don’t always happen – but as a good friend pointed out visions do. THUS! – I am changing my wording to tell you I have a vision. Its been an interesting journey that is leading up to this point in my thought. I go through old journal entries, blogs (perhaps not posted) and it makes mention of what I’m about to tell you. [got to love cliff hangers]

I have a vision to bring awareness of the good things that are happening through non-profit organizations globally through telling their story through video and photography. I know; it’s ambitious huh? J But God is bigger than me, thankfully, and who knows what God will foster. It’s awesome to see how much MediaSauce has played in growing my dreams about what I could do in the future. How much they’ve taught. I am still excited to be here. I’m thinking this is like 10 years down the road. So no worries- I’m not door knocking for money yet. But I’ve been encouraged at how things are coming together in my head. How this vision acts to fulfill every thing I love to do- travel, creativity, non-profits, relationships, speaking, and raising funds and awareness for things I believe in! OH ITS BEAUTIFUL!

Ah… that is one of the things that is going on in my head and heart as of late. The next thing is relationships. I have a friend who recently had to say goodbye to her daddy. Her dad had cancer and is now enjoying his treasure in Heaven. If you recall my sister is doing the same thing this very moment; and this year in April it will be her 3 year anniversary.

We, this friend and I, have been talking about it, through it, and something that we chat about are those moments of just an outburst. It could be the smallest thing. For her it was a t-shirt. Today, for me, it was a dream. When I woke up I was sobbing. Before you read what I wrote this morning when I woke up, you need to know when we were in the hospital ICU room with Sarah 2 ½ years ago, she said she didn’t want to go to Heaven. I think partially because she knew we all would have so much heartache and pain, and partially because I would imagine death isn’t an easy thing to face. And so at the end of this dream God flipped the story. He showed me truth though a lazy boy & three words. And so it goes…

I was driving up to Plymouth and Bridgette and Liza were going to meet me up there. Bridgette told me to get a baseball but I forgot before I left. So I pulled over and saw some people playing so I thought I would ask for one. This man walked me over to a gazebo where people were hanging out. He grabbed me a ball.

He tossed it to me & then it became as if people had a dog chain on them holding them to the gazebo. The guy started to put one on me and then the dream changed…

As dreams always drastically change, it was my family. But the only members I recall are my dad, mom, grandpa who died when I was 9, Laura, my aunt Betty, and my sister Sarah. Sarah was sitting in a chair, and she was sick. In the beginning she had her short hair that she did when she had cancer, and towards the end of the dream is was long again.

Anyway, Grandpa woke up and it wasn’t just from a sleep. He woke up from 20 years of not remembering. So he didn’t know Laura. But as he remembered he walked around and hugged everybody. He gave us the tightest hugs. I was standing next to Sarah he hugged her, then hugged me, then leaned down and hugged her again. He said “Be thankful for what you have”. Sarah grabbed and squeezed my hand… much like when she was dying (in real life) and we both started to cry. As he laid her back down in her chair, she let go of my hand, and she started saying “Just take me home. Take me home.”

There were other elements of this dream but I woke up and just starting balling for the reasons above. I’m not one to know what dreams mean, but when I remember them and they seem significant its best if I write them down.

Thank you Jesus for my dream. Thank you for teaching me through Sarah again last night, and my Grandpa. I pray that as I walk through this life that I would continually be thankful for what I have, where I am, and what You’re doing. Thank you that this time Sarah was the one saying “Take me home.” I miss her so much. I miss her touch, her smell, her hands, and her hugs. I miss her encouragement, her perspective, and her unending love.

Encouraged...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson

Umbaugh Family Blog

Hey everyone! I think this is pretty interesting. A few months ago, actually it may have been last year, I was randomly contacted by someone with the last name of Umbaugh. Clearly it isn't a "Smith" or a "Jones", so I was intrigued. After reading the email this gentleman had started an Umbaugh Family Blog. There are links there to other Umbaugh relative blogs.

After a few emails we figured out how we were related. It's through my Grandfather and his extended family that we found the connection.

So, if you think its cool too - you probably don't unless you're an Umbaugh - check it out!

UmbaughFamilyBlog

Thanks dudes... next blog I'm sure will be deep and soaked with meaning.

New life, an end, and a great race

Well, I realize it has been a while. I have neglected updated the general public (or just using my processing outlet) of what has been going on in my life. But I would just say, I have been busy.

For starters, on September 10th, I became an aunt. He was due on September 27th, but was ready to come into the world earlier. Because birth is already a miracle, Will is a double miracle baby. Anna went into labor everything was fine for a while; and then Will's heart rate started dropping. He flat lined. Within 7 minutes they wheeled Anna into emergency surgery and pulled the baby out. The resuscitated his litte heart- and there he was! Finally breathing. William Daniel Witzig. Born 5lbs 5oz. A true miracle!

I am LOVING being an aunt. I never knew I could love a baby so much & I can only imagine how Rob & Anna feel.

That is the new life.

An end...
If you have been pretty involved in my life you would know that over the past 4 months at MediaSauce we began a transition within the account management office. We "teamed up". I began working internally with our production staff to see projects through, and my "teammate" Beth began working with our clients. We merged our clients to create a base of about 80 clients, and maybe 60 projects at a time. I found out last week she is leaving the company. She has loved MediaSauce. She has grown there. But she was recruited to do her passion - working with annual funding for a children's hospital.

I congratulate her. I will miss her. This loss is comparable to a cop losing his partner. You learn how to work with each other. You learn how to communicate. And then become a super efficient team. But I applaud her for taking a hard move... to follow her heart. That is an end, and we'll see what kind of beginning it brings.

A great race...
Today was the Indiana Sport Corp Corporate Challenge. I was signed up for the 5k & tug of war. There isn't much I can say for the tug of war. HA! Yeah- we went down pretty quickly. But then there was the 5k. One week ago on a run my ACL started hurting; you may already know that my knee has tendinitis. My ankle has been hurting. Really, I'm just a full out mess. But I signed up for the run and so I ran.

I am not a runner, nor claim to be. I just enjoy it and its the easiest way to get in shape. Today I ran a 5k, with maybe 3-400 others from a bunch of companies. As we were running the city blocks I just kept praying for God's strength-because I knew nothing would get me through the pain I was experiencing. Then in the last 3/4 of a mile a guy from Duke Reality came up by me and said "Come on, let's go. You've been pacing me the whole time. Lets go!" So I kicked in...harder, faster, and longer than I have ever run. Dudes, I was tired. I saw the only "saucer" that was in front me, and I finished 5 seconds after him. Ya'll - I came in second. Not with the masses, but within the MediaSauce crew. I ran it in about 27.30minutes. I know its not amazing, but its a personal best.

God got me through that race, using an unsuspected 40-50 something man to get me to cross the finish line, at a reasonably good time, with really bad legs! Hallelujah! Just wanted to give him glory.

That is about it. Thats the update. Thats what I've been up to. And in about 47 days I'll be in La, and then Thanksgiving. HOORAY FOR VACATION!

thanks for keepin' up.

much love & GO COLTS

Katie

The Return of Humanity

I suppose feeling human isn't all that bad. Sure in the moment it hurts beyond what you can comprehend. One click, one word, one distraction, can send it all down the tubes. You think "I can't believe I did this.... oh wait, yes I can". Question - what gets us to the point that we think we're fine?

Today, at work, I made a mistake. Sure... minor in the "grand scheme of things", but at work -today- it was a big thing, for three employees at MediaSauce. I went from feeling niko sawa (I am fine - in Swahili), to humbled and crying. As I sit up late processing the day, it reminds of my life spiritually. Isn't that the way things happen? We thing we are on cruise control, and then we are humbled and we fall flat on our face. We are reminded we aren't perfect, we mess up, we sin, and there will always be another thing we wish we hadn't done. But at the end of the day, and even in the middle of it, there is grace.

Today I made a mistake. One that could have been big. If it rippled out I'm not sure how I would have handled it, but I know it wouldn't have killed me. This was one day. One day in the many days that make up this glimpse in which I call a "life". What could have been huge, by the grace of God, there was understanding and forgiveness; there was hope and a future. There was God. He was in the middle of it; in my tears, in my failure, in my humanity. He saved me. Big time.

I wouldn't say I was ready for this day. I wouldn't say that I would have ever asked for it. But what I will say is that I'm thankful for it. 11 hours later, I am thankful that I saw my humanity and saw, once again, my deep need for God's grace. It just makes my relationship with Him that much sweeter.

I pray that today you are aware of the grace that God is offering you. When you "screw up", or make a mistake, He is waiting for you to let Him save you from it. Surrender. Obey. LIVE.

Inescapably human and saved by grace,

Katie

Quicksand

What draws us to live in a state of discontentment? What does it begin with? Does it begin on a day that you can never crawl out of? Is it from something you did, that hurt another, and despite their forgiveness you chose to live in your guilt? Does it come from your past… things you’ve done, thought, or regretted that you can not get over?

For me, I think it started with a bad day, and then led me to the rest of the list. That has been my month. If you have been around me you probably watched me decrease into utter misery. Sure, I continued on as if nothing was wrong, but there was an underlying unhappiness about it. It was as if the joy and life had been sucked out of my like a vacuum. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t sleep; yet I was always tired. I allowed the worries of the day, month, year, and lifetime to consume me. I was in a rut. A pit. To me, what it felt like was quicksand.

When one is sinking in quicksand they lose their breath. They aren’t thinking of how to get out, but all they can think about is the fact they can’t breath, which sends them into more worry and disdain. So what can pull you out of something like quicksand? When you are sinking in your own misery, guilt, sadness, and anger, what is the life rope that you grab a hold to? (scene from Princess Bride) Actually, if you are the princess you aren’t the one grabbing the rope are you? No. Someone dives in the quicksand, holding the rope, and pulls you out.

When you both arrive on top you are exhausted, yes, and my biggest annoyance in that movie is when she is coughing back up in the sand. But she is so desperate for air. The sand is my misery. Westley is Jesus. (not a close comparison… but I do what I can)

So after this long, unintended, movie analogy, my point is I am coming out of the quicksand. Sure, I am still lying down, coughing it all up, but something has been restored. My dear friend Lindsay Helmbock asked me the question “what gives you life”? I couldn’t really answer. One thing I knew I loved to do, that I can do, is wake up around sunrise, sit outside with a cup of chai, and read the Bible. It’s different than reading it on my bed, or at the kitchen table. God meets me in His nature. He speaks to me. I find my rest in His creation. This week, yesterday, I did just that. It changed my entire day. You won’t get out of the quicksand if you aren’t willing and want to stay there. But I was ready to be rescued. Sure, there are things I am still thinking about, wrestling through, but my life on a daily basis is better now that I’m on the earth’s ground. Breathing.

My pastor said once “The opposite of discontentment is thankfulness”. The change began with being thankful. Whether I truly was or not, I need to thank Him, and through that I am being changed.

My life hasn’t changed. In fact, not one aspect is different. All the things that annoyed me before are still present. I have a lot of questions and unknowns, but life as I know it is not over. This is where I am. In Carmel Indiana. Working at MediaSauce. 24 years old. Living in Broadripple. Going to Common Ground. And I…I am ok with that. Because I know that is where God has me.

I miss Him...

Today I went to the Indy 500. I spent the night at a friends house, where we woke up at 4am, to leave at 4:30, to arrive at 6, to tailgate ALL DAY LONG. It was quite the excursion. Needless to say there wasn't a whole of of "Katie time". It was a good day though over all. A lot of rain and a lot of hanging out and grilling out. I enjoyed running into some familiar faces, hearing the loud rush of the cars, and the time spent with friends. But when I returned home it was funny....not "ha ha" funny, but I guess ironic funny, or the kind of funny that makes you think.

I arrived home around 8:30pm, and all I wanted to do was take a shower. Nice alone time. I hadn't really spent quality time with the Lord all day, and to be honest I still really haven't. But I had the greatest shower. That might catch you off guard, but I put on cd by this worship guy from NYC. His cd is entitled "Alone with You". When I listened to it, it was like returning home. Sure I prayed some through out the day, I was aware at times that Jesus was with me, but it was like there was an unknown ache that was restless about me all day and when I got home, to the quiet, to the stillness of this house, He was here. I was finally "Alone with Him".

This might be strange, I guess, but on a daily basis I don't find (notice) myself in that much need of Him (although I am); and not just to pray, but to worship, to read, and to fellowship with those who believe the same. To talk about Him, and how amazing He is, what He has done for us, and the amazing grace to which He has bestowed upon me. The least of these. I was in awe today. I miss my God. I miss everything about Him. I miss the love I feel when I'm with him. I miss the warmth of His presence. I miss the freedom I feel. The forgiveness I feel. Sure these things don't go away, but it was made apparent to me that I have chosen to not live in these things.

Anyway... this was a long blog. I'm not sure if any one reads this any more. But if you do, thank you. And if it is just me, it is the best therapy I could ask for. To be completely honest. To be completely vulnerable. To be human in front of no one, but possibly millions. I never thought I would say it, but I love to blog.

I hope you are enjoying your holiday weekend. I hope you find rest where ever you are. I pray that we will all by the power of God, live in the life He has designed for us.

Joyfully His,
Katie

random thought flow... hang on. its always a crazy ride

Well here I am on a Friday night, at home, alone. You know you’re bored when you find out the event of the night, making friendship bread, in fact isn’t supposed to be made until tomorrow. What could I do? I could watch a movie, but nothing sounds good. I could bake, but I have to bake tomorrow. I could play on facebook… that never lasts long. I could figure out how to use myspace, useless. I could re-watch a slideshow of pictures from the MediaSauce flag football game that I’ve watched twice… consider my attention span gone. I could go out to a friend’s, but I’m really tired. Of course there is always the option of going to sleep, but seeing how it’s Friday night something in me keeps pushing me on to a later hour.

I finished my book tonight, “An Echo in the Darkness”, by Francine Rivers. It was the second in the Mark of the Lion series. It was one of those books that you just wait for a free moment to pick up and read. The first book, “A Voice in the Wind” was the same. Phenomenal reads, and I would recommend everyone (even the males) to pick them up. It speaks of Rome about 40 years after Jesus died & was risen. It talks about the holocaust that happened in Jerusalem, and gives you a clear picture of what Rome looked like then. As I approached remarkable turns, being 2 chapters away from the end I contemplated not finishing. Not that I wouldn’t finish it, but it was so good, full of such truth, I didn’t want it to end. Interestingly enough, I tried to watch tv, call friends, but nothing quite satisfied me as when I finished. I took about 20 minutes and read the last 15 pages of a great novel. I’m glad it ended because it ended perfectly. Perhaps not in the “human” eyes, or a chick flick, but wow was it good. And so I find myself restless, bored, and thinking on this Friday night.

I turn to think of things like jobs, relationships, life in general. Its fleeting isn’t it? I mean jobs come and go, relationships may only last for week, and life can go in a flash. I am amazing at the people God bring in and out of my life. Looking back all I hope is that I was used. When you’ve met someone, you don’t the reason, you don’t know how long it will last, and as I write this I am unsure as to what God has in it…. But I can walk confidently that I’ve spoken the truth. I hid nothing. I was honest. And we’ll see what God does.

What can be hard sometimes is that you have such a deep longing for something more. In my case, I truly believe that God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Heaven is that longing…. I long to be “home”. As you grapple with keeping an eternal perspective, yet knowing tomorrow is another day, how do we approach it? I realize this is a lot of endless thought… but truly, knowing I am called to something so much greater than I’m living for how do you deal with that? How do I make a difference where I am now? How do I not become restless in every area of my life? Truth be told sometimes I feel like my life would make a bigger difference if I went back to Kenya, or I was off fighting for good causes. But as I think about it I am in the same war missionaries are in. I am in the same war followers are in doctor’s offices, schools, restaurants, cubicles….

I long to be different. I long to make a difference. I desire to leave none of me, but the reminisce of Jesus. I want to touch, and feel, and leave, a taste of something more in people’s lives so they are no longer satisfied with this life. I want to know the voice of Jesus, and I desire others to know that same Voice. I pray that we would listen. I pray that we would open our ears to hear the Voice of God echo in the darkness. For he is there, He hears us, He is speaking…. We just need to quiet ourselves to hear Him speak over us songs of hope, forgiveness, love, and satisfaction. It is only in His presence that I have peace, and I can rest.

I have no idea where you are, but know that you are not alone. This race isn’t an easy one. Hang in there. There are others standing with you, there are angels standing by, and there is One speaking to you the words you need so desperately to hear.

Learning from Relationships

As I was driving home today from northern Indiana I was thinking. There have been some pretty interesting relationships I’ve had through out life thus far. Not just relationships with guys, but relationships in general. Whether it was a bad experience, ending on a sad note, or an absolutely wonderful relationship (not with out hard times) that quite possibly hasn’t ended…. There is always something to learn.

In my reflecting I wanted to choose what I learned from relationships. Dig deep and see where I “dropped the ball”, or rather, where it is just a lesson learned… Because we are not perfect, nor will we ever be. We will be hurt, and we will inflict the hurt. We will cry, and we will be the cause of another’s tears. We will laugh, and perhaps be the source of another’s laughter. But there is always something to learn, and always something to take away.

As God’s sweet voice sang over me, on His day where He conquered death, He reminded me that what is in the past is there for a reason. All choices were made whether we regret them or not. And that He has a good, pleasing, and perfect will unfolding in my life. So, I am taking a look back to see how I can grow for relationships to come:

Trust more
Take leaps of faith
Be spontaneous
Be honest
Don’t hold back so much that you lose out
Risk
Dare
Sacrifice
Understand
Be patient
Stop being so dang rigid
Have faith
Think- but not too much
Really see the other person
Have no expectations
Don’t judge
Have fun
Let go

And the list goes on, and on, and on….

Hurt feelings & new chapters

Have you ever gotten your feelings hurt? I'm sure you have, as I would venture to say most human beings have. I know the phrase "you hurt my feelings" is often overused, but in my case it isn't used often. I suppose I have a hard time saying "you hurt my feelings" because it gets to the essence of me. I don't like being so vulnerable as to say that someone hurt my feelings because that would mean saying that person, or situation, does mean something to me. It isn't a relationship I just blow off, or an evening I will forget about. I am a prideful person and as such saying my feelings were hurt seems a weakness to me. But in reality it isn't.

Yesterday my feelings were hurt. Perhaps unintentionally, but noticeable. They made no effort to remedy the situation but in spite of their lack of effort I tried to put my best foot forward. In turn, a slap in the face. No returned phone call or even a hint of an apology. I suppose when someone knows you're mad they avoid, and when you finally have the conversation it might indeed appear you had no just cause for the anger but in the moment you desired nothing else but to run away and let that person know you didn't need them.

Yes this is just my friend who I am talking about, but in anticipation of a soon reunion I wonder about a conversation, how I will act, what I will say. And I had come to the conclusion that yes my feelings were hurt. I don't like to say it or admit it, but it is the truth. Maybe when this person hears it from me, or another source, they'll think I'm crazy. But guys... the truth is I was given a heart to care, to love, etc., and I can't help it that that is how it made me feel.

When this reunion, of sorts, happens I just pray that however I act, whatever I say, I will walk in truth. I won't hide behind a smile, I won't stomp around in anger, but just simply that all that I do or say will be the truth. No games.

I don't know why I felt compelled to tell you this. But if for nothing else, its ok that people hurt your feelings...it happens to everyone. But what will you do when you realize they've been hurt? How will you react? Will you extend grace even when its not asked for? Will you show love when perhaps there is hate? Will you thrive in patience when you are awaiting God's will to unfold? I suppose this goes with anything. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control." Let's keep each other accountable a be different. Surrender to the Holy Spirit living inside of us for Him to make the right decisions in our lives- not our sinful nature.



I had been waiting to blog again as I realized it had been a while. These are fresh thoughts off the brain of Katie Umbaugh. Life is going pretty well otherwise. I'm in the midst of wild transitions and adaptations. I have a new job, which is amazing and I'm continually humbled in how much I have to learn daily. I moved south to Broadripple with two amazing roommates. (picture above is us walking around on a "snow day". Everything was closed!) Those are the main updates. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. I pray that you are found today in the presence of the Almighty and comforted by His grace.

xoxo,
Katie

Bear vs Colt

***Taken right after the interception that got us the AFC Championship!!!***

In an effort to create craziness, there is a little bet going on... PLEASE go online to vote for Bear vs Colt.

http://www.bearvscolt.com/

Romance

Romance.... Its what every girl wants, every guy tries to give, and what we long for. Tonight it hit me as I was driving home on this cold winter night. You're probably wondering what hit me but let me first explain to you what I experienced. I went to Anna's to help assemble programs for Lydia's upcoming wedding, when I noticed the sky. Clear as day & so many stars (for the north side of Indianapolis). Beautiful. Then when I left Anna's I was going further away from the city out to where I live... darn near country if you ask me. But man it was gorgeous. I took a back route by the beautiful hidden houses away from the cookie cutter neighborhoods. The stars struck me again as I worshipped. I drove by a house that still had Christmas lights up & I longed for that time of year and could almost feel Christmas again.

Then I thought of what spring brings & somehow I always equate seasons with different types of romances. Summer is warm nights, swinging on swings, & looking at stars; fall is bon fires & hot chocolate; winter is fire places, movies, & cuddling up; spring... rainy nights, spring break, new life. Then I thought WOW! All the ways I'm romanced all year long aren't by any man.... but God. Ya'll HE ROMANCES US! It was so clear to tonight, just like the sky, that He draws me close to Him by romancing me. It was the most beautiful thought & moment. I had to share it with you.

I just remembered that I had a similar moment when I was in Kenya. I was at "coast camp"- at the beach with a bunch of 17-25 yr. olds. It was at sunrise as I was doing my devos on the beach....

"As I sit here, look at the vast ocean, the clouds that seem to be sitting gently on the waters You are romancing me. This very moment was designed for me. Thank you God. Thank you for this absolutely beautiful day."

Let God romance you & open Your eyes to all the ways that He is doing it.

Lovingly HIS,
kt

ps - here is a picture of what I was looking at in Kenya!

your africa...

I was feeling reflective tonight. A lot on my mind & heart as I watch the hand of God mold me. Life is deep in thought right now & I feel like I am on the brink of something new again. I anticipate what God is going to do, but yet, you just never know what is about to happen.

Well in my reflective mode I was going through old writings of my on this computer. I found some things in my "overseas" prayers file folder. I wanted to share this one with you. I was written on the 18th of April, 2006.

What is Your Africa?

"In my desire to become independent I’ve become dependant

In an effort to expand my mind, I realize how small my mind truly is

Knowing that pain produces perseverance, I acknowledge that I truly don’t want to face it

Coming with the excitement to be separate from my family, I realize how deeply in love with them I am.

Thinking, perhaps unconsciously, just coming was enough, I’ve learned it takes much more than one act of faith…

It takes
a daily dying to yourself
A daily commitment to The Almighty God
Expectation for His presence
Willingness to be used, broken, transparent, & healed

In thinking my desires to work outside of the slums was somehow un-noble, I’ve learned that it doesn’t define me, how big my heart is, and that what God has given me, the desires specifically, are God given & that each person possesses the desires & that in them will most glorify God. I didn’t have to go to a slum to learn that.

I’ve learned that everyone needs their “trip to Africa”. You don’t have to go to Kenya, or Africa to have it. It’s just taking time away; time away from the familiar faces, places, & things. It means taking a dive into the unknown; unable to trust any one or anything BUT God. Learning its quite enough for the God of the universe for you to be who you are, and that it could be just that much for a man on earth. It means taking moments to just breathe & realize “I am actually here. Doing it. Living it. Being here.” A trip to Africa doesn’t have to take place in Africa, but indeed it must take place. To learn who you are & whose you are. Africa is where I found myself. What is your Africa? "


thats it. that was a journal entry I wrote within the 120, and some odd, days I was Kenya. I hope that you have a wonderful & safe new years.

love, me

thoughts...

I suppose I haven't come with eloquent words tonight. I don't have a profound realization to share with you. As someone posted a comment on here I realized it had been a while since I last posted. So has I sit here on this wonderful December eve, I was thinking of my lovely blog readers & wanted to chat.

So, recently, as in the last hour, I returned from one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever had the blessing to attend. Everything seemed so wonderful. The church was beautifully decorated for Christmas, and the reception, wow... white chair covers with red velvet bows; center pieces of white roses, and everyone dolled up to the nines. It was gorgeous. I ceremony was what tipped it off to me. Many of you might know who the groom was, Mr. Lamont King Black; an amazing man of God & friend, who has impacted not only my life but I know many others. Anyway, he is 33. He met his WIFE, Tyler, last April. As of late I've been attending weddings, where the average age is 22-24. When I was 18 I felt like that was the perfect age, but now that I'm 23 I see beyond this time. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with getting married in your early twenties, but Monty's wedding had a profound beauty in which I had yet to see. He waited 33 years. Yes he dated other girls, pursued others that didn't work out, but then he found Tyler. Perfect for him in every way. But that isn't what made it so beautiful. He is 33 you guys. SO often I think how old I am getting for not even dating someone, and here is one of the most amazing guys ever and he just got married. When they repeated their vows, they stared into each others eyes, and with intent and true commitment, they promised. Monty first, nodding his head, so Tyler knew he meant every word. Taking her time and fighting through tears Tyler shared her intentions for the rest of their lives. They thought through, shared and committed before each other, God, and the 300 audience members, that there is and will never be another human for each other; Astounding and such a gift. The wedding was at ECC & the reception in Alumni Hall.

Other than that, just chugging along. Verizon is ok... we're going through our ups and downs & I can confidently say I feel a part of their family. Through all the times I've desired to leave God has kept me there. He is growing me & I am now at a point where I would be thrilled if another door opened for me to walk through, but if not, I am there to love the people I'm with and I intend to be a presence in their lives. No boyfriends to update you on, not too many changes. Dad had a huge ankle surgery but is recovering pretty well. Lydia is swamped with wedding stuff as the day rapidly approaches in just over a month. We're excited. Ok, sorry not such a great update, but at least you heard about an amazing wedding. And if you're married just remember how much of a gift that spouse is. Truly... not every one gets to have the blessing of such an intimate relationship. Glorify God in it. After all, that is why you are together.

Until next time...
kt

The bottom

Well today I reached the bottom. I walked into work and BAM! I was hit. A "corporate" walked in and found that my name tag was upside down, and the rest of the day was downhill. There was Jesus in the midst through customers, but me in my stubborn personality, did not give into joy in the midst of the storm. Today I hated my job & I was considerably at the bottom. I was a bottom dweller. I have to ask the question... "why do we choose to dwell in the bottom when we could joyfully dance on top?" I present this question to you, my faithful readers.

Today I found myself, at what I thought was the bottom. There was no light at the end of the tunnel (or that I was choosing to look at or focus on). So to top off the day, I go out to my recently purchased 2001 Volvo S60. Do you think it would start? Absolutly not. Nope. Not today. When I was at the bottom, I could've decided to stay there. I called my friend Nancy, and she said "You've had a really bad day haven't you?" My response was obviously "YES!" Nancy: "And you know the enemy just wants to get you with this right?" Me: "yeah..." Nancy: "and you know that this really isn't a big deal and it'll all work out?" Me: "uh huh". So that was it. A brief moment of pride taken out & what replaced it? Joy. When I thought the day couldn't get worse, it got better. Yes, I still have a job I don't particularly love. Yes, my car was towed to the dealership. But Jesus is with me. My car will get fixed. (I have a 3 year warranty!!!) I will get to work tomorrow. And He is with me.

So when you find yourself at what seems to be your bottom & you choose to dwell there... PLEASE, for me & for your sake, get out. It is so much better to just get out. Choose joy over self-pity. Choose humility over pride. Choose spirit over flesh. Choose God over self. Life is never as sweet, as when its lived with Jesus Christ. The hope of Glory. The Son of Man. The Son of God. The Alpha & Omega. My redeemer. My savior. My hope. My peace. Allow Him to sing over you with peace & love. Choose Him today. If you don't, you might find yourself at the "bottom". But if you do, life isn't so bad.

JOYFULLY His,
katie

ps- This is what I learned today. Joy is a choice. We choose. Sometimes it doesn't feel good, but we need to. Or all things of God -hope, love, joy, etc., will be stripped & only because we've allowed them to be. I pray that you're finding joy in knowing Jesus. And if you don't know Him, I pray that you would come to know Him. Trust me, He is the best thing that could ever happen to you.

the past

I have noticed something about myself. I often long for what's past. I love to look at old pictures, read old cards, watch funny videos, and talk about memories long gone. I love the past. Interestingly enough, when I was in the past, I longed for what was before that. I didn't love where I was at that moment. Sure there were moments of utter joy & laughter; but as with each phase of life it always seems to get a little more difficult than the last phase. Yes I love the past, but that gives me no excuse to not look forward to the future.

Yes, each phase of life is truly more difficult than the last because I will have never faced it before. This is the definition of growth. You can't grow when you're doing things you always have, or you've known how to do. But God pushes us in the unknown. Right now, as I sit here & type, there are so many unknowns. How exciting that God wants me to grow so much?! If I'm not feeling a push toward Him, than I'm not being sensitive. He wouldn't be doing Himself justice if He didn't want us to be closer to Him. He absolutely is the best thing that can happen to you. let's take advantage. Let's grow. Let's be pushed. Let's depend on Him.

I love you brothers & sisters. Thank you all for putting me in my place after that last blog. I am thankful to have faithful readers. I appreciate you being in my life.

In love & faith,
Katie