The Journey to Africa and Back

Phone Number to Host

2010-01-23T21:12:00.001-05:00

Please read my previous post regarding why I am posting this message.

If you would like to be on a list of a possible host to host orphans from Haiti please call DCFS at
312.814.6800 or 312.793.6800.

Praise God for your willingness!

Thank you,
Katie

Haitian Orphans Arriving in Chicago

2010-01-22T16:30:00.002-05:00

Hello there. So I didn't feel like it was the place to post this on our "joint" blog - seeing as how Ty is in a meeting at the moment and I received an urgent message today!

I received a message from a friend at church - our Compassion and Justice Ministry Director - and she let me know that there are 75 orphans from Haiti arriving tonight who need temporary hosts. Praise God that in, what I can only imagine was a few short hours, they found homes.

However, the need still exists. More orphans will be arriving this week and they will need warm homes to stay in as well. I'll find out more details if your interested. Basically the next step is being placed on a host list for those orphans that come in.

Pray on it and let me know.

Katie

New Blog ... Again

2010-01-18T18:16:00.003-05:00

Bet you think I would never come back huh? Me either!

Well, Tyson and I have neglected our new blog for quite some time. So, we thought we might update you on these to go check out the new site! We finally posted a blog, put up some wedding pictures, and some day I'll actually post reception picture, etc.

Blog: http://web.me.com/kateandty/Kate%26Ty/Blog/Blog.html
Photos: http://web.me.com/kateandty/Kate%26Ty/Our_Albums/Our_Albums.html
Homepage: http://web.me.com/kateandty

Thank you for keeping in touch and following along as God does reveals Himself and His plan in our life.

Lots of love,
Katie

A New Blog - A New Chapter

2009-10-28T11:40:00.003-04:00

Well... this is quite the turning of a page for me. Tyson and I have started a new blog. Crazy as it may seem my current URL kumbaugh.blogspot.com will sit on the internets as a record of past learning as one individual.

God has, is and will do so much in my life. I am thankful for the past 3 1/2 years with this blog. Starting in Africa and continuing on in Indy and then onto Chicago. God is good indeed and it has been a blessing to walk this road, through this blog, with you.

I am marrying Tyson Aschliman on November 14, 2009. That is the blessed day. And seeing as though we'll be learning, living and growing together we thought a blog together would be a good start to this "new chapter" in our lives together. Or rather the first "official" chapter as Mr and Mrs.

God has been teaching me a lot about identity, and finding my identity in God and not my singlehood, career or my "woman equality" kick. God is God no matter my marital status, job status, motherhood status - I am His kid and valued. This is simply a new chapter in my life. A good transition. And something God prepared me to do. I have been humbled to realize that in my singlehood, trying so hard to be content, I ended up finding pride instead of contentment in some ways. So now, I'm back tracking. I'm finding it ok to say "yes- my singlehood was awesome. God did so much and I totally enjoyed it. And now its a new chapter in my life, where God is the same God and is continuing to teach me. And the difference is in this chapter I won't be in an apartment by myself but a house with a guy named Tyson and a boy named TJ. And God has deemed this good."

Hopefully this makes sense. I'm so excited about the upcoming marriage and adoption. And as I close up this blog I just wanted to tell you a little bit about what I have learned about being single and now what I'm learning about being in relationship. Ah man... one thing I know, lessons on God and godliness will never end. But I intend to keep on learning, absorbing, being humbled, and falling to my knees before the throne of grace time and time again.

So please, as I close up this singlness chapter of my life move on with me to the "Katie and Tyson" chapter. Visit our blog (http://web.me.com/kateandty/Kate%26Ty/Blog/Blog.html) starting with our engagement story, and look for our seperate posts. I promise, I'll let him write.

With love, thanksgiving, and humilty...

Katie

Alas... a blog

2009-07-18T21:08:00.000-04:00

And as usual... these blogs get delayed. The blog below was written a month ago and another section was written about 3 weeks ago. The total blog was edited again recently. I share that friends because you are reading the blog of a scatter-brained gal who desperately desires to share truth and walk in the light. So, even though these particular words were written a while back, these lessons are ever present and continue to refresh and restore my heart back to the Lord. Enjoy the inner-workings of my crazy heart.

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Hey there blog. Gosh its been a while. I'm writing because I feel like I need my heart to speak but it doesn't have words. So... I will just start writing and see what it says.

Today I was brought, once again, to that humble place of recognition that God is God and I am not. That might sound silly, like "right Kate... He has never changed." But this recognition is not because I have tried to control my own life (although tempted and perhaps given in at times). Recognizing God for who God is, or as much as I can fathom today, has entirely to do with the fact that I need Him. Desperately.

Chicago has been good. Trying but good. God is teaching me a lot about being in relationship. Not only with Tyson, but friends and family long distance, co-workers and specifically Him.

A friend had asked a few weeks ago if I had blogged lately. I had but truthfully it was lacking this awe inspiring, life changing truth I feel like I had come to realize (through the power of the Holy Spirit) in the past. What had changed? What made my words come out softer?

The answer was clear. Time with Him.

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So... I wrote that section, and when I came to the realization that I needed time with Him, I put down the lap top and began to pray. Here is the newer section written over July 4th weekend.

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God is in the business of making beauty from ashes. And I have found myself to be in humble acceptance of that beauty.

To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

This past weekend a few friends of mine came in from Indiana and from Georgia. It has been a blast. Last night the whole group stayed at Tyson's. As friends get to hang out with Tyson and TJ, questions abound regarding life and follow up conversations are had with me.

"So Katie... what is it like?" "How has it been?" "How are you doing?" "How are they doing?" There are usually questions regarding the redemption and restoration that continues to take place in Tyson's life. Anyway, as Tyson converses with my friends he'll end up talking about life in Indy, life here, and just in general we find ourselves talking about his house with Leslie in Fishers, times when TJ was little, and even end up discussing the battles with cancer. (Leslie's and Sarah's)

Tyson put TJ down for his nap today and went to sleep with him. My friend just left for a cousin's to say hi for a bit. And I found myself in the basement, looking at a blank sheet of paper knowing it was time to pour out my heart to God. I began to release my heart to God in questions, thanksgiving and wonderment. As of late my heart is taking in the "lessons" of God, has almost felt paralyzed; not from fear just from shock at His hand and how it has moved and is moving.

In tears I began to ask..."How am I here?" "God... how can my heart ache so much for the pain that everyone went through in Leslie's going to heaven and yet stand here and be so thankful for the life you are giving me?" And the answer I heard was "I MAKE BEAUTY FROM ASHES".

A good reminder and yet not answering my question directly, but shifting the focus to Him. The glory of His Name. And ultimately God's story. Stay with me as I unveil my heart in its fragile state.

Friends, I cannot describe the compassion and sadness and the gut-wrenching pain I felt when Leslie died, and the ache I still feel every time I see her face in TJ's, hear stories of her from Anna, see her family and talk to Tyson about the hard times and the good. My heart aches for the pain that God is bringing them through and has brought them through. I am certainly in an odd position. So often I wonder how I am here, and yet...I able to rejoice in the healing that is now taking place. Surely the healing will continue, but just as sure as the tears are that fall from my eyes, there is hope in today. I just can't believe that God would have it so that I might be a part of the beauty from the ashes of cancer.

What is crazy, or rather not so crazy, is that Tyson and TJ are also apart of the beauty from my ashes. So often I discount the struggle I've been through, the sin that is within me, and the hope He has given me. All the stuff that has brought hurt in my life, including my own sin, is a part of those ashes that have formed the broken mess, the ashes, I find myself to have. But, when we see the soot on our knees, and smell the remnants of the fire, we must remember that God is in the business of making beauty from ashes.

Hardship, sin, pain and suffering are a part of this man-centric life on earth. But when lived for God there is something else to be had. There is hope to find. A lightness to feel. And a joy to live into. As my heart continues to ache for friends with cancer, 5 year old girls with brain tumors, a boyfriend who lost his beautiful wife and an incredible 3 year old who lost his mommy, I choose to go back to God and I remember the truth of WHO He is.

He takes my sin and washes it clean. He takes my tears and puts them in a bottle. He takes death and conquers it. He takes sickness and heals it. He takes the lost and finds them. He takes the hopeless and restores them. He takes my pride and He humbles it. He takes my ashes and He makes them beautiful.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.

To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins,
repairing cities destroyed long ago.
They will revive them,
though they have been deserted for many generations.

So although I do not feel like I should be able to participate in such a beautiful redemption story, I am humbled truly that I am God's at all. For I know that the good work God has begun on earth, He will see it to completion...and use me when necessary. :)

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Well, that about sums up what I've been learning. Thankfully God gave me sweet time with Him and although my stubbornness almost didn't take the time this morning, finally I stopped, listened and worshiped. Truly the lesson this morning for me was "It is about Me. Don't lose your focus in yourself, your life.... I will take care of those details. I am Alpha and Omega. I am the Redeemer..." Anyway, you get the point. God continues to refine me and remake me on this journey. And looking at today, I stand to tell you friends, it is a joy to be His!

Joyfully humbled today,
Katie

Wind blowing home

2009-05-31T16:54:00.021-04:00

Hi friends. I have accidentally neglected you. That was unintentional. Because of my accidental neglect I would ask as you read this post, to just hang with me as my fingers work out the crossroads of thoughts in my head.

Well, when I said the winds were blowing they did indeed blow. I ended up settling in by Friday May 8th. I guess settled isn't the right word but rather present. I am still settling into the life I have found myself living.

I have had weekends booked with fun activities for the past month and they will continue on for a while. Mom and Dad came the first weekend I was officially here. (played at the zoo, ate great food, etc.) Then we headed to the lake for Umbaugh family vacation over Memorial day weekend. Following that weekend (just 2 days ago) I had my first official "friend" visit. I am starting to feel "local".

This past weekend took the train from Naperville into the city. On our search for Michigan Avenue we ran into a family friend of mine from Indy. We were casually walking down Michigan and I just looked to my left and said "shut up". She followed it with "I have seen you more in the last three weeks than I have in a year and you live here now." God's blessings of making me feel comfortable in a sea of unfamiliar faces. After an exhaustively fun day of zero purchases for me (except for coffee and food) Saturday night we found a great local Chinese restaurant which I will continue to get take-out from. That is always a necessity wherever you live.

Sunday I got to see another friend from Indy who was here for her cousins wedding! We got to find a cute little restaurant in Batavia, sat outside, and enjoyed catching up on the last month or so of our lives. So this weekend was filled with comforts from home and old friends.

Life is interesting as it takes this new turn. I think about where this blog started... obviously Kenya; and where it is currently. I never would have imagined 3 years ago I would end up where I am. But that is the beauty of life. The beauty of following an unpredictable, larger-than-life, God. He isn't always comfortable. As Mr. Beaver said in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe:

"Safe? … Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he is good. He’s the King, I tell you.”’

These days I am filled with joy and thankfulness for this next step. There is no denying that there were frequent thoughts that I would never find "love". And I was right in a sense. I didn't find it. God is my "cupid". (as we say) There are days where I wonder "am I really here... did you call me to this man, this boy, this place?" and God's gentle voice of peace sings over me reminding me "Yes Katie you are; and I brought you here". Praise God. There are hard days when I am reminded that I am not "home" anymore or rather that Indy is no longer "home". Perhaps its redefining what home means. Not a place but a people. Not a house but God. God is my home and wherever we go I am home. I just happen to be residing in Aurora, IL.

As alluded to there are days that are hard. As previously stated we had Umbaugh family vacation over memorial day weekend. Sadly, Lydia and Bob couldn't join us due to exciting craziness in their lives. The rest of us headed down to Lake Cumberland and stayed in a house. We had an awesome time fishing, swimming, eating and playing games. The boys learned how to gut a catfish while Laura and Anna cut Will's hair. On Tuesday morning as Tyson and I drove away from the house and my family, and I was once again reminded "home" is being redefined for me. (with tears of course) I just miss them... but this is good my friends.

I won't give you all the juicy details but for an update... Tyson and I are doing well. We are learning a lot and totally enjoying the 15 minute drive between us. It no longer limits us to weekends but dinners and breakfasts and lunches are options. Its a crazy new blessing that we are very thankful for. For the other Aschliman boy...God is doing a lot with my relationship with TJ. I attribute it to God and His miraculous ways. I love him and his love for me seems to grow as well. Check out Tyson's blog.

So, to change gears a bit here, Sunday at church we talked about how great, huge and powerful our God is. He is a God who makes other gods bow down to Him. Ronn used the same quote from Mr. Beaver that I used. That is OUR GOD! He is worthy of praise ... when we praise Him and when we don't. It never changes WHO He is or His holiness and especially His character.

We were reminded that often in our "comfort" of our relationships with God (however long those relationships have been) we forget just WHO our God is! Truly we will never know the fullness of who our God is but we have eternity to figure it out.

Onto the the issue of "comfort". As I was talking with my friend Saturday on the train, comfort is not always a good thing. I've noticed that often in my life I seek the next phase of life and then finally its like my will just "gives up" or FINALLY surrenders to the Lord's. It is then that life is changed and the comfort I had fallen into gets switched up. (hence the wind blowing)

When the winds blow, when life changes, it doesn't change God, His goodness, His love, His sacrifice, or His holiness. But what it does change is my perspective, my heart, my mind... and (Lord willing) by surrendering I am changed. By whom? The Almighty Hand of God. How beautiful is that? It just hit me as I am writing this. He didn't just form me in my mother's womb. But He is forming me now into who He desires me to be on our wedding day. When the bride, His church, will be reunited with Him.

So these winds that blow, these life changes however hard they may seem, even how joyful they may be, the winds are blowing me home. Heaven forbid, though, that I not enjoy the wind... or even the times that it settles for a bit.

With a joyful heart,

Katie

ps- keep your prayers up. life is not always "hunky-dory" as my mom would say. But it is good and with fear and trembling I thank my God for it and will enjoy the good gifts He is giving me.

I am a happy girl.

Tyson and Me on the boat after a beautiful rainy afternoon…

My mom and TJ at the zoo when they came to visit

The wind is blowing...

2009-04-29T09:30:00.014-04:00

The wind is blowing. Changes are coming and indeed have come. As I looked out the window driving home from Chicago last Sunday morning, the sun was just peeking over the horizon. It was incredible. The previous day I signed a lease for an apartment in Aurora, IL. My heart weighed back and forth as I knew I was embarking upon God's adventure for me, but there were also small pockets of fleshly fear as I make a big life change. His sweet voice reminded me of scripture I've been praying for months now...

When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You,
"Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."

In regards the the wind blowing? Well, God swung a door open (perhaps it was His wind) at Martopia in St.Charles (west-suburban Chicago) and I am walking through it. MediaSauce knows of my departure and this Friday is my last day at an office I've come to know very well, a business I've learned in, and a people I've come to know as some of my best friends. Life is a series of whirlwinds and if we're only paying attention we can see God's hand. I promise you, when I stop and watch the sunrise, when I soak in all that He is doing in this "whirlwind", I can attest it is indeed God's hand that is moving and it is more than ok by me.

The word I continue to use on my aim status is "bittersweet". Bridgette, my roommie, tells me that there is no "bittersweet" in Italian. She speaks fluently in Italian and that happens to be her favorite word. So when she lived in Italy she always struggled not being able to accurately describe "bittersweet" moments of life. It would seem these moments are all around me; not just in my life but in the lives of many.

Last Saturday I signed a lease for an apartment in Aurora, IL. It is close to my new job (starting May 11th) and even closer to Tyson and TJ. I'm psyched. Of course the transition is bittersweet as I let go of commitments here, groups I've joined, and say a temporary "see you later" to my friends and family. This Sunday I will pack a trailer and drive up to my new home.

How consistent the story goes with me... I ask and I ask and I ask. Just waiting for God's answer about the next phase of life's journey. Then when He does make the path clear, swings open those somewhat scary doors, I'm like "WHOA GOD. I'm not ready!" "Knock and the door will be opened. Seek and you shall find." I have sought His face and He has answered. Alas, He is faithful and knows when I am ready. He knew that it wasn't time to leave for California last September. He knew that it wasn't time for me to go to Kenya in 2005 but rather in 2006. His plan is GOOD, PLEASING, and PERFECT; not only to HIM... but because His best for me is better than my best for me, His plan is indeed good, pleasing and perfect for me too.

Bittersweet.... this week has been a series of events, saying goodbye, enjoying "last meals" with friends and co-workers, preparing for the mini-marathon in Indy (or wishing I could), packing things here and there, and wrapping up at work. Then my heart shattered on Monday around 2pm.

The McCrackens posted a blog that still brings tears to my eyes at the mention of it. Susie McCracken has now flown home to Jesus. She rests in the company of the angels, my sister, and most importantly the Almighty God... her papa. Her father. She is no longer in pain. But as she is basking in the glory of the Lord, there are family and friends left aching, and it is with those that I ache. Bittersweet is best described knowing someone so deeply, seeing the hurt so intensely, saying goodbye until you reunite in Heaven, knowing that because they are away from you in Heaven they are happier, healthier, and made whole.

Please be praying for them as they walk through these days, weeks, months, and years. Realizing that it won't feel normal, but they will be able to adjust to a "new normal" as dad affectionately calls it.

And so the war continues to rage. The winds of life swirl about me. I am moving to be with Tyson. Can you believe it? God has brought me him; without any help from me. As more and more people find out about this miraculous relationship I continue to say "yeah... its full of redemption, restoration, and God's hand." And so it is again with me moving. A miracle.

Please pray for us. As God gave us Psalm 55 & Zeph 3:17.... we rest in the fact that God is our defender. With a waging war against a relationship that desires to please and glorify God we find ourselves at odds with each other for no (really) good reason.

The war is evident and it never ends. My heart is heavy for the body of Christ today in thinking of war, disease, and sickness. A friend of mine from Common Ground, about my age, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. My heart is aching for her as she was preparing to serve Christ over seas. She is a gift with incredible vision and passion, and certainly this will not squelch this but as she says it is simply a "detour".

The Strands are faithful in updating us on how they are doing. I am so encouraged by this family, Laurie & Greg's marriage, and the family's faith. Please continue to pray for them.

And yet... in the midst of all that is going on our God is good. He is sovereign. And indeed He is hope. I remembered that, watching that sunrise at 6am. My heart was able to rest amidst the blowing winds of life and I will continue to remain in this...

When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You,
"Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."

ps- we need someone to fill my spot in an awesome house in Broadripple (Indianapolis). Let me know if you know anyone! :)

4 years on a Good Friday

2009-04-10T20:24:00.009-04:00

Today, four years ago, my big sister flew home to Jesus; almost at the exact time I'm writing this. (8:30pm) It just so happens that thousands of years ago today Jesus flew home to His Father. There is no coincidence in what I, we, might take away from today.

A lot of you are probably familiar with last year's post on this day. "3 Years Ago". Although it has indeed been 4 years ago today that I have seen my sister alive, seen her heart beating, hear her voice, felt her hand, and kissed her warm cheek, I still miss her. It is a quiet ache that exists in my heart; as if she was and is a part of me and forever will be. Sisters have an tendency to "stick" no matter the length of time you haven't seen them.

She has a grave stone now. Her empty body lay under the ground while her soul is in heaven. Over the past four years, today marked (I think) my third day to visit the site. Her grave stone is light pink. It says her name, and the day she was born on earth and the day she was re-born in heaven.

"Sarah Jane Umbaugh January 21, 1979 - April 10, 2005. Always in Our Hearts"

How true that statement is. On the back of the gravestone these words are there:

"For God So Loved the Word - John 3:16" and under a picture of a dove says this " When you come to die fly to Jesus and live."

Its perfectly "Sarah". My parents did a great job. Around her gravestone are trinkets from those who came by to show their love for her. "She was loved", Anna put it just two days ago.

I suppose I don't have an eloquent order of words to say like last year. If you want to walk down the scariest 24 hours of my life, visit last year's blog on this day. Today, I want to remain hopeful. After all, Jesus died for me thousands of years ago today, and because of that death I have hope in my sister's death just four years ago.

Wow the symbolism. I am so thankful for Jesus. As we sang at church today "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe; sin had left a crimson stain He washed it white as snow." PRAISE GOD! This week, these past weeks, I have been slipping. I have been slipping into the excuse of "busy-ness" and "exhaustion". While we were worshiping tonight, God slipped me a memo. "Jesus died that You may have life." And as we prepared for communion, with a repentant heart, I asked for His strength to help me live that life. What freedom we have in Jesus! What hope we have to live for... and dare I say, what hope we have to die for.

"To live is Christ, and to die is gain." "Pick up your cross and follow Me." Life, as we know it (or rather don't know it), is about Jesus. Oh how often I make it about myself. Just goes to show you how human I am; how finite, how small, and how in need I am of a BIG God.

This morning I read Jesus' road to the crucifixion as told in Matthew, and then I read these words in Isaiah 40 and peace inevitably followed:

"To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

That is the God we serve! I was filled up, encouraged, and ready to remain in Jesus today.

Then of course, as my sinful heart forgets the truth God just spoke into it, the day wore on and my heart became weary; missing Sarah, wishing I was curled up in bed. I then remembered what this day is. I took a moment to breath in deep April 10th, Good Friday. I remembered the symbolism. I remembered that the road Jesus walked to His death greatly surpasses anything I endure on earth. And so it is with hope that I post this. It is with hope that I remember my sister and how she has spent 4 solid years playing with Jesus. And it is with hope and humility that I remember Jesus, His sacrifice for mankind, and His saving grace in my life.

Rest assured, my heart will be filled with abundant praise on Sunday. I plan on leaving everything at the alter and worshipping my guts out. He deserves it. He deserves so much more than I could ever give. I am thankful for the 21 years I got have with my amazing sister Sarah Jane. I miss her. But I know that she is in "better hands now", and I am in those same hands until we are together again.

Still reflecting... still processing... ever thankful...

Katie

Our last Easter together:
(Liza, Me, Sarah, Anna, Laura, Lydia)

A healthier Easter one year prior:
(Dad, Rob, Sarah, Anna, Me, Mom, Lydia, Laura, Brayden)

Tears in a bottle...

2009-04-04T16:10:00.004-04:00

As I sit in almost uncontrollable tears, I'm examining my heart. Why am I crying so hard and so much? I can't explain it. I share a similar experience to the McCrackens and the Stands but it runs deeper than that. There is this ache in my heart that goes beyond words or explanation. I almost "feel bad" for feeling their pain so deeply in my own heart.

I am NOT making myself out to be some saint. I guess as I sat here, read the blogs, my heart was torn open and tears, like a flood, began to fall out.

I praise God that He does indeed (as pointed out in a comment on the McCracken's blog) collect tears. My dear friend Amanda gave me one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever received. A bottle. Its a little glass bottle, with a ton of colorful beads it in. On this bottle it has this verse:

You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? (Psalm 56:8)

I never used to be a crier. I was kind of an "internal processor", and because of this in my high school days, and early college, anger inevitably followed. It would take me hours of crying to figure out the "source" of this frustration, anger, and sadness I was feeling. When Sarah was diagnosed with cancer somehow God released me. He released my tear ducts, my anger, my fear of being real and vulnerable (not completely... but I'm working on it), and because of the immense pain I felt with her, along side of her suffering, my tears were released.

Since then, I'm a "hot mess". Tears come really easily and often. I wear my "heart on my sleeve". And so it is today.

It struck me today how upset I am for my friends. How my heart physically aches with them, and how if I let it I could cry for hours for their pain. Perhaps all those tears I never released, up until (almost ... on 4/10) 4 years ago, that my sister went to Heaven, He is now letting me use them for others.

I used them on Leslie and Tyson. I used them on my Grandpa and Grandma. I used them for my parents. I use them now for the McCrackens and for the Strands.

Really, this is a call to prayer. Please pray for my beautiful friends as they walk the road of suffering. Tears and prayer are the only response I bring to the table. I remember when Sarah went home to Jesus. Some tried to encouraged. Others just said "I don't know what to say". All I needed to know is that I was loved; because certainly I didn't know what to say and I still don't. But here is what is on my heart for each family....

Susie & family... I love you. I love you deeply. I have ALWAYS been so encouraged by you, and your family. The life and energy that radiates from every member of your family is encouraging. I'll never forget the moment at Molly's wedding when all of the sisters sang a beautiful hymn of praise to the God we worship. Thank you for living your lives boldly for Christ, from the time I met you all in junior high until now. I pray that peace will fall on your lives like a warm blanket and that you may find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Laurie & family.... same goes for you. Laurie thank you for your post about peace and entrusting your family into God's hands. How beautiful are the hands that crafted you together in your mother's womb. He is certainly with you, abiding in this moment, with you. I pray for more peace that passes all understanding, and that it will continue to guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I love you.

To all families, in every walk of life, I believe in the God who split the Red Sea. I believe in the God who walked on water. I believe in the God who turned water into wine. I believe in the God who sent His Son to die for us and then raised Him from the dead. I believe He is with you all. In this moment. Crying with me. I am praying for you and available to you in every possible way.

With a humble heart loving you all...

Katie

Readying and a Run

2009-03-15T14:44:00.009-04:00

Hi there. I know it has been a little bit since I've posted, but as always, God's story and teachings continue on.

First, I want to thank you for reading my blog. Its not that you have to, not that you read every post, but I have received a lot of encouragement in the recent weeks that have lifted my heart and encouraged me to continue to write; and so I will.

Since telling the "world" about Tyson it continues to be a Katie-humbling, God-honoring, story. As I visited his church for the first time I was welcome with love and support. As I live in Indy I continue to meet people who have known and loved Leslie and Tyson, wrap their arms around me and give me encouragement. I've met people who have known us all seperately but can see our stories being intertwined together. Thank you. Thank you for welcoming me, in a sense, into Tyson and TJ's life. It means a great deal to me.

Ok - onto what I've been learning. As you read in my last post on "clouded vision", I wouldn't say that I have a clearer picture of what tomorrow brings, but I have a clearer picture about how to handle it today. Life has certainly been shaking it up a bit. God continues to try and help my heart and mind grasp "ABIDE". Man am I stubborn!

Yesterday I was running, and I haven't been feeling well. I thought it was warmer than it actually was, so a t-shirt and running pants didn't quite cut it. I was running on a trail close to my house and when I reached the 2 mile marker I turned around. I was cold, feeling sick, and I thought "If I book it home, I'll get there sooner and this will all be over with". Generally I like running, but yesterday it took a lot of energy to do it. Soon after my brilliant idea to run faster my shoelace came undone. Having to pause, kneel down, think for a second, and tie my shoe, I slowed down my pace.

My earlier pace was pretty fast, causing me to gag (sorry for the detail), I had a really painful cramp in my right rib, all of which was taking away any pleasure I had during the run just to gain the victory of being home. Then, a spiritual shift happened and God began revealing some serious truth into my heart.

"Enjoy the journey." I'm sure you understand this feeling. I'm a sucker for the "end". There is always something more, something next, something better. But God is giving me joy right where I am. (If I take Him up on it) Beyond just gleaning joy where you are, He is actually preparing you for what is next.

When I went to Kenya, I couldn't have gone the day I decided to go; there was preparation that needed to happen. Prayers to be prayed. Money to raise. Clothes to pack. And just physically and spiritually God was building a temple that could withstand what it was going to face when I got there. He was "readying" me. And so too - when I was running, He was readying me for the Mini Marathon in May, and my night of rest last night.

When I finally slowed down, I enjoyed my run. I got there in a time that I was happy with.

I was relaying my annoyance with not knowing answers to life's "tomorrow" to Tyson, and he questioned me saying "Katie- aren't there always going to be questions?" "Yes" I humbly admitted, and then began to ask myself about enjoying God and all He has for me today; exactly where I am.

To continue the beautiful lessons God is teaching me with "Abide" and "Take joy", we were talking, at church, again in Revelation today. Its been a really good journey for our church to go through together, as we see and learn truth through that book. Well today, toward the end of the sermon (Revelation 19) there was a parallel truth revealed once again for my aching heart.

Another "readying" parable you could draw would be the bride and bridegroom; even the engagement period. Some are longer than others. Others need more time to prepare. Anyway- if you're familiar with word of God, the "church" the body of believers, are indeed Christ's bride. He is our bridegroom; and He is engaged to us. He (as pointed out in today's sermon) has sent His Spirit as a "wedding gift" of sorts, a way to help us prepare. A seal. A commitment to our wedding day. And in Revelation it talks of the war being over.. Babylon falling. And us, God's bride, finally being with our groom.

"Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear."

So, not only is God wanting me to take joy in today, He is preparing me for something. And He isn't just preparing me for tomorrow, He is preparing me for Himself. I am His bride. So whatever happens, where ever God takes me, I am being prepared to reunite with Him; on our wedding day.

It, life, is about Jesus. As often as my heart and mind try to forget, the Spirit gently calls me back to the place my heart longs to rest. In Him.

I hope this made sense. I hope that your heart is encouraged to know that whatever you are facing, tomorrow might be better... but for sure, your groom, God, is coming back for you. He sent His Spirit to remind us of that, and to help us abide in Him in the mean time.

ps- some pictures below from last week's 4 day trip to Florida. (with the Witzigs)

Clouded Vision

2009-03-02T13:12:00.011-05:00

How do you move, take a step forward, when you can't see in front of you? How to do you walk, or even sit, when you're not sure where to? When your vision is clouded, when you can't see, how do you know if you're in the right place? How do you just have peace with where you are, in every aspect of your life... when the future is a big question mark?

I know. These questions are big, and easily solvable. But when you're in that place of uncertainty, when anxiousness and sin wags its weary head, when you feel unstable on all sides, its easy to "say" but much harder to "do" or live into the truth that you have come to know.

I spent some Jesus time on Sunday night. I just needed it. I wrote in my journal a ton. I listened. God sings words over me, literally, and a sort of uneasy calm rests on my soul. As I was pouring out my heart to Him, here are the words He gave me...

"The LORD your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior
He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."

Just to dissect this a little bit (and make it fresh on my heart to remind myself of these truths today) let me take it line by line.

"The Lord your God is in your midst" - this might be an easy one for you, but for me I had to take a deep breath and breathe this truth in. The God who created the heavens and the earth is in my midst; is with ME. That is incredible. To remember in the times where I feel like I'm running, he is there. Almost as if I'm on a treadmill, and he is sitting beside me but I keep looking ahead and don't notice him beside me; with me where I am. Not sure that was a good analogy, but you get the picture.

"A victorious warrior" You may be wondering why I didn't include this on the above line. Well I believe this particular description of God needs its own line, and in my heart brings a different meaning, hope, and freedom to the verse. God is a victorious warrior & He is in my midst. That is OUR God! Amen? So as the flaming arrows of the evil one, or my sin and flesh drag me down, all I need to do is call on Jesus, and He will go to war for me. In fact - He already has. He is victorious, over all my sin. Hallelujah! So He is big enough, and able, and willing and ready to get me out of this cloud I'm in. To sit me down. Help me abide. See that there is a future, but I just need to grab His hand and walk.

"He will exult over you with joy" Wow. This drops me to my knees. I don't have a reason for Him do that. The fact is though that He loves me. Of all people. He died on the Cross for my sins. He is with me, conquered death, and loves me. I give Him joy. I pray that as I learn to abide, trust, and have faith that this statement will be true of me.

"He will be quiet in His love" I pulled these verses from the NASB version because that is what I study in. Other versions might say "He will quiet you with His love". Which to me feels different. His love will quiet you. And in this one, it says He will be quiet in His love. Looking at it through the eyes of the NASB it isn't forced. He will be quiet in His love my friends; knowing that it is available, it offers peace, and that His love will transform your life. He is quiet with it. I read again this morning in Matthew 11, and it reminds me of taking his love "on".

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Take His quiet love on you, His yoke, and you will find rest for your souls. He is gentle and humble in heart. That is what I think can correlate to this passage.

"He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy" More of that undeserved goodness. There is rejoicing in heaven over sinners who come to know the truth. I think there is a whole lot of praise for the saved sinner, who continues their walk with Jesus, admitting their sin, and coming back in repentance. In essence "walking in humility and recognition of our need for God". In that recognition and being filled once again we are restored, renewed, refreshed, and made whole once again by His goodness and grace.

I pray that you are encouraged by my meditations on this scripture. I didn't expect it to take this turn, but as I began to write this is where the Spirit led me. If for nothing else, perhaps just to get me on track, with peace, to rest in Him.

God gave it to me last night, and is continuing to feed my soul by it today. If only I would walk in its truth. Submit to God's way. Hear His voice calling me... "Trust me Katie. Abide in Me. I love you. I am in your midst. YOUR victorious warrior."

love your not so faithful blog writer,
Katie

Freely give...

2009-02-22T14:22:00.003-05:00

Hi there. Thank you everyone for your support, prayers, and encouragement that I have received over the past week or so. God is certainly doing a good work. As always, the really good stuff doesn't come without some hard stuff too. But all in all, we're doing well and enjoying the gifts that God has given us.

That really doesn't have too much to do with what I'm about to say here, but it will kick start this idea of "giving". Prepare yourself, because sometimes my random thought flow may only make sense in my head. But please know as I worked out this post in trying to explain what God is teaching me, He continued to reveal more and more truth, and wrap it around my heart. I pray He does the same for you!

At house church on Wednesday we were walking through Revelation. (I know right?) But we're studying it on Sundays and God has really anointed the leaders of my church to speak relevance to us through scripture. Yes - even creatures with eyes all over them. Did you know they were given eyes to gaze upon our creator sitting on His thrown? Everything is to worship God and glorify Him. Its pretty awesome.

Ok, back at the ranch... the question as posed was my friend Amanda has some free flow "facilitating" going on. "Is there a difference between compassion and evangelism?" Deep right? Right before this question we were talking about losing our compassion for "the lost". In my younger days (i.e. 10 years ago) I was very "religious". I was kind of caught in my box of religiosity, rules, standards, etc. I didn't bask in the freedom of Christ. I set up bounds. Sure we need them, and many times kept me from things that could have gotten me into trouble. If you are a friend from high school, and you're reading this, thanks for still being my friend.

Moving along, I have since changed. God has just given me a passion to love people well. Showing them Jesus instead of just claiming Him. And not in a way that my only aim is to do good works, but that they would see an authentic relationship with Christ, see how God changes my life and how there is a good desperation for Him, and that they would desire the same. I am not claiming to be an expert, or even "good" at this little mission statement, but my conversations have strayed much farther away from 4 spiritual laws, into just knowing and loving people where I am and where they are.

Thus, I am back to house church. I think the two (evangelism and compassion) can go hand in hand depending on your definition (as some at HC pointed out), but I would really like to where my compassion has been. Passion, yes. But compassion paints a different picture.

Here is the definition my faithful friend (dictionary.com) gives:
a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

My heart is feeling the "...a strong desire to alleviate the suffering". I am talking about the agony of suffering spiritually in this case. YES to alleviating physical suffering. But "compassion for the lost", looks different. I want to alleviate the suffering that people experience by NOT knowing God. The deprivation that exists without Jesus can be intolerable, and unbearable. I want to alleviate that. I can say that isn't something I think about very often, and truly haven't for a while (maybe never in that way) until this past week.

Two things to follow this random thought flow:

1. Never worry about what you are going to actually say. Don't worry about the words that will be coming out of your mouth. Here is the truth that hit me in my time in the Word last week. Reading in Matthew 10: "...do not worry about how or what you are to say; for it will be given you in that hour what you are to say. For it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you."

2. It is a gift you are giving to speak truth into their lives. No this does not mean to go on a street corner and yell out truths (reference Preacher Dan if you went to IU, or other campus' that proclaim eternal damnation one every corner. To me this isn't love... but that is another topic for another day) But consider in the moment when the Spirit is prompting you to speak, or not speak, to listen, or to hug, to cry, or to laugh... whatever He is, do it in the truth of Jesus. That is a gift. You are showing compassion by speaking into their lives as God asks. [even christian to christian ok? Lets love each other continually in truth]

In Matthew 10 verse 8 says, as Jesus is telling the disciples to go out and live out the Kingdom of Heaven that is available on earth (making disciples of all nations): Freely you received, freely give.

God has freely given us His Spirit, and freely gave us salvation. We must offer up the same opportunity for those that God places in our paths. Don't hold back out of fear. Again out of Matthew 10: "Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known."

Walk in truth and love. Please hold me to the same standard.

I pray that you are encouraged. As my friend called last night, had me pray with her before church tomorrow knowing 3-4 friends might come who don't know Jesus, we prayed that God would move. We prayed that she would hold no expectation, but just that their hearts would be led to Jesus. It will never be out of anything of ourselves. Salvation, grace, love, mercy, redemption, restoration, are acts of the one true, Holy, Sovereign, God. All praise to Him.

Still processing I think... but my heart is encouraged by the boldness of His message in my life this past week.

Love in Jesus as always.

Katie

A Change in the course...

2009-02-13T12:13:00.004-05:00

Man where do I begin? It seems I have come to a point where there is something I want to share with you, and the words seem to be fleeting. However, it all began with my blog, my words, to you. So first of all, thank you. Thank you for reading, being interested in my life, and my internal processing. It is truly a blessing to not just write, but to be heard. Thank you.

God has richly blessed me with a friendship or rather a “relationship”, that I now find myself in. In all the blogs I’ve ever posted, to me, this feels the most vulnerable. I’m not sure why exactly… perhaps its because as far as “relationships” go, not many happen to me. I typically don’t find myself in them. I don’t usually feel a need to post a blog about anything of the sort either. And usually when I meet a guy, I give them to Jesus, and Jesus usually keeps them.

All that to say, right now, it is the opposite. I have found that God has worked in my life in this male relationship for the good, continuously. With that said, I’m not really sure how to begin to tell you about it… still… I guess I could start with a name. His name is Tyson. Hold on to your hats, because as I divulged this story to my closest friends and family, I usually would preface it with that. I’m about to take you on a crazy ride.

What better way to tell my friends about him, then this venue; where it all began.

I blog. Its what I do. Outside of everything else, when there is a moment to breathe, a “fresh word” as I affectionately call it, I spew out the very words that reel in my head. Thought after thought… until it comes out sometimes in a manner in which one might actually understand. A few months ago, my blog was found, and it was understood fully. That is the craziest part. (or not so crazy.. unless you think God is crazy… in which case it is indeed crazy.)

Tyson lost his wife, Leslie, in July from cancer. Leslie was Anna’s (my big sister’s) best friend. I linked to their blog continuously throughout Leslie’s illness and afterward. Through prayer God grew my heart for their family. Leslie and I had hung out quite a few times, and TJ was really the first baby I felt comfortable with. I actually WANTED to babysit him. That was a pretty big deal. Then when Leslie got cancer, I watched it affect Anna, and God grew my heart and my prayer life around them. I asked for prayer quite a few times, and I’m sure you sensed my deep longing for healing over her, and peace for the family. God took her home in July, and since then God has been taking Tyson (and Anna, and her family, and her friends) on a miraculous healing journey.

We “lost” our sister Sarah almost 4 years ago to cancer. She had it for 9 months, and it was an uphill battle until the end. She is sweetly home, with Jesus, and Leslie. God has done some miraculous things in Anna, in me, in Tyson, in TJ… and the stories could go on and on. We have received confirmation after confirmation that this new relationship is God’s desire right now. For today.

Back to the blogging – Tyson found this blog because he saw (through Google analytics) that my blog was linking to his. He talked to Anna about it… how similar our writing was, our hearts for God, and just how we process life, death, scripture, God, etc. Anna said in response “Finally… someone gets Katie.” How true that is.

Every day since Tyson found my blog and felt led by the Spirit to email me, it has been a day to abide, to surrender, and allow God to do what He wills. (not what I will)

There have been times I’ve wanted to run, but God sweetly sings over me “remai

n in Me, abide in Me, trust Me…” And the song of peace rests on my soul, and I again remain. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy, joyful, and extremely thankful for the man I now do life with; I just don’t want you to think its infatuation or that my head is in the clouds…perhaps it is on occasion, but God does ground me.

It is indeed a relationship; full of all the fun discussions, “DTR’s”, emotions, feelings, etc. It’s quite a humbling experience for me. God is giving me large doses of joy through this man – and for that I am thankful. God is working in us, and through us, for one another. We “do life” together, and it is great to walk with a man like him.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that this is where God has me… has us. Tomorrow is another day to surrender to Him, but with the confidence of commitment to one another. I seriously have never had God say “stay”…. And it’s almost as hard as Him saying, “go”. It is an interesti

ngly beautiful place, where I find myself.

So – Tyson is his name. Get to know him. Here is his blog: tysonaschliman.blogspot.com

Now – a lot of you may be new to my blog. Thank you for coming as I know Tyson is anxious for you to know me; as am I. My life is an “open book” of sorts. (as you can tell) I started my blog when God called me to Nairobi, Kenya for 4.5 months in 2006. He opened a side of me spiritually that began to pour out my heart in this venue, and I just can’t stop. It’s good for my soul.

Things you may want to know…hmmm….

I love Jesus (if you couldn’t tell)
my favorite color is green (TJ knows this and I think Tyson finally has it down)
I have 4 sisters

Sarah- in heaven. Would have just turned 30 on January 21^st
Anna – 27. Married to Rob. They have my one and only beautiful nephew Will (aka Nugget) And a cat, who they wish they could get rid of. (he is really cute, jus t high maintenance)
Lydia – 26 “adopted” otherwise known as my BFF. I’ve been friends with her since the 6^th grade, and she is just a part of the family. Wife to Bob. Mom of Benson (a very large labra-doodle)
Laura – 22. Married to Brandt. She is my baby sister and I have always been over protective. Just got married in August. Mom to a dog & cat. (they are busy “newly” weds)

I have two awesome parents. They are amazing…truly. Talk about overcoming adversity and staying the course in the midst of suffering and immense pain. They are an inspiration.
I love running even though I have really bad knees. Its something I’m working through.
I love movies and movie popcorn (much like my dad)
I am a “cat” person. I don’t want 50 – just one good one.
I played softball for 10 years, but never tried out for my high school team. Just too afraid to not make it.
I am passionate about other countries, and cross cultural story telling
I appreciate when someone can look at every human being as a person… as created in God’s own image. (I’m not that great at it- I aspire to be though)
I love to love… to love people well. It’s like my mission statement.
I love to dance and sing whenever I get the chance.
I love my church… not because of the walls, but because of the community I’ve found there. I see Jesus in the eyes of my friends.
The kind of music I listen to affects my mood. There are days when I know I just need to listen to some worship – to remember my place, the God who saved me, and worship my creator. Let’s be honest – He is the only one worth of it.
Family is (obviously) of the utmost importance. Not to be exclusive, but inclusive of all who want to be there. The more the merrier.
I love where I live – with Bridgette and Deb. In Broadripple (Indianapolis). It’s seriously the perfect spot – walk to restaurants and coffee shops. It’s great.

There is, obviously, a lot more to me than what you see here. If you read any of my previous blogs I’m sure you’ll begin to get a glimpse of my heart. If you have questions you can ask me. I am just following what I know to be God’s desire for me right now.

I want you to know, as friends and family of Tyson and TJ, that I adore them both. I would not be here (neither would Tyson) if we didn’t know that God desired this, and is indeed blessing it. Just when I think there will be a mountain we can’t climb, we get to the top of it better than we were before. I am excited and completely thankful to be a part of their lives… the lives that Leslie left them with, or “gave” them. I loved Leslie, and I love the parts of her that are in Tyson and TJ. I will, and do, honor her in every way.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for taking the time to invest in me, my heart, my relationship with God and others… and to pray with me. Because that is what I need most!

I look forward to getting to know the new readers and continuing to embrace the “old”.

Love,

Katie

Ps- this will not become a “relationship” based blog. However, I felt the need for my readers to understand this relationship as the course of life, and what I’m learning, can sometimes include Tyson and TJ. “Deep thoughts by Katie Umbaugh” will continue. Brace yourselves.

Picture: Compliments of Lydia and her new hobby

Identity Redefined... Constantly

2009-02-05T11:42:00.006-05:00

So, last night I was able to participate in a panel at Grace Community Church. I grew up going to Grace, and in the Sr. High youth group (now named "Merge") is where the foundations of my faith were built.

They had a panel of 5 people on the stage there. We each talked about our time in the youth group, how our view of God has changed since, things we took away from it, and then any advice we could offer. Each of us had different angles but were all supportive of the others points. It was great for me to be there, in that place, pray and speak to the kids who sit int he proverbial seat that I did just 8 years ago.

It was really cool to hear their perspectives, and to really express my own. To see Rob Yonan, "Mighty" Mike Chandler, Phil Bender, and Debbie Schaffer in the room, really kept it in perspective. To see their committed faces, still there, years later, and years before me, I was encouraged.

Anyway, onto identity. The other night I was talking with Tyson (story to come later), and we were talking about the idea of moving, etc. I was having an extremely bad day - for no apparent reason other than I was walking in selfishness and sin. I was freaking out at the idea, really grasping what it would mean. (and you know I'm a "moving" junkie) I began to explain how I would "lose myself".... "I would leave my job, my family, my friends, my roommates, my house, my church, my community, etc." I continued to complain until the point of tears. Gosh I was a mess.

Then, we began to pray at the end of the phone call. God brought some heavy truth to my earlier complaint. "Where is your identity?" "Who are you to be found in?" The answer is obvious, or maybe not so. But earlier in the conversation it would seem as if I was finding my identity in the things I did, the people I knew, the community I was in, the job I had. That night was a fresh Spirit reminder that my identity needs to be found in Christ.

To wrap this story back to the beginning, the students were able to ask questions after the panel. There was one girl, toward the end, who asked (something along this line...) "How did you just be yourself, and not be influenced by others?" Or... "how did you figure out who you are?" They were good at asking questions, and often times "the panel" would look from side to side kind of like..'Ummm...." However, I tried to answer and had nothing. I ended up saying "Just be yourself" not really knowing how to actually accomplish that.

With so much around you, so many different styles, likes, dislikes, personalities, religions, clothing stores, hair colors, cars, incomes, book bags, classes to take, cliques to hang with... how do you just be you? In that sea of endless possibilities and judgements?

In humility at the generic "non-answer" I gave, I handed the mic to Maven, who was sitting next to me. While she was giving a good explanation of how you kind of learn from each other in high school; pulling from different styles and tastes and "discovering" who you are, I remembered my moment of humility the night before. "CHRIST"

Maven handed the mic back as I told this awesome high school student, that just last night, at age 25, I realize (once again) that my identity needs to be found in Christ. Yes, you will discover what you like and don't like. In my previous answer I had said "try new things and find out what interests you and what you are good at doing at do it". Then it comes full circle. God gave you talents and gifts, and ultimately to live those out in Christ is your identity. First, and always, you are a child of God. Live into that. Grow into that, and the rest will come together as it may.

So it doesn't matter if I live here, Chicago, Kenya, California, or where ever God may take me. It doesn't matter what church I attend, how far away my family is, or who I love. [I thought I had learned this in Kenya]

I am a child of God.

Mulling over this beautiful realization with Lydia over dinner (before youth group) she reminded me of a JJ Heller song which I love. It goes like this...

True Things

I am not the clothes I’m wearing
I am not a photograph
I am not the car I drive

I am not the money I make
I am not the things I lack
I am not the songs I write

I am… who I am
I am who I am

There are true things inside of me
I have been afraid to see
I believe, help my unbelief
Would you say again what you said to me
I am loved
I am free
I believe, help my unbelief

I am not the house I live in
I am not the man I love
I am not the mistakes that I carry

I am not the food that I don’t eat
I am not what I’m above
I am not my scars and my history
To your love
I’m waking up
In your love
I’m waking up

Be encouraged. Live into Jesus, and who He created you to be. As Maven said "There has never been anything to prove."

Love,
Kate

Stirring of love

2009-01-24T10:43:00.005-05:00

What a week it has been. One of ups and downs. Fear and hope. Sorrow and joy.

My father has sleep apnea. After 3 days in the heart hospital his lungs and heart "check out" ok, and then it what was up to sleep apnea for causing weight gain (due to excessive fluid in his body), the lack of sleep, the shortness of breath, and general "weariness" of my father. Praise God they found it now - and praise God they have answers for that sort of thing.

The doctor said it would be a miracle to get the sleep test on Thursday night. But as we know of our God, He is a miracle doer. My dad got in on Thursday, was tested, and came out with all sorts of results that I couldn't re-iterate if I tried. Basically it was really bad. His oxygen was in the low 70s from the time he fell asleep until 1am - from there they put the "machine" on to give him oxygen and regulate his breathing, and he was "ok". Hopefully the machine and diuretics will help the fluid weight shed off and the breathing to become better.

Thank you for your prayers for him, for us, this week. They were certainly answered. I am looking forward to some healing here after!

There was fear and hope in those times with dad. More friends underwent sorrow and loss these past couple weeks. My friend's grandfather died this week and another friend's grandmother died last week. My friend whose grandmother passed away, said this after learning of the next death in "the group": adulthood sucks sometimes Amen. I am seeing death, suffering, and just the "hardships" of life are more frequent and personal as I gain years. But in that my recognition of God's love extends and grows even more so than the last time.

God has been showing me what His loves means in new ways. I was talking to a friend about "For God so loved the world..." We were talking about how we so often focus on the "that He gave His only son that who so ever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life". So, take it apart and really allow God's love to show. Allow the "bigness" the "grandness" the incredible love that God showed us by sending His ONLY son for US. Mankind. You. Me. And every face you see. That is who He loves. [hang on now.. I'm switching to a new point, but it will connect. God's love in sending this Son - that sacrifice ... ]

So reading in Exodus God stirred hearts to bring things for a "freewill offering". "The Israelites, all the men and women, whose heart moved them to bring material for all the work, which the LORD had commanded through Moses to be done, brought a freewill offering to the LORD " Man- even God's heart was stirred... "Everyone whose heart stirred him and everyone whose spirit moved him came and brought the LORD'S contribution for the work of the tent of meeting and for all its service and for the holy garments. "

It is beautiful to imagine that God gave us all gifts to contribute - some monetarily, some by physical ability, some by the ability of our hearts or minds. There is something for all people to give... to "offer" that contributes to the full beauty of God - the body of Christ! How awesome that as parts we are just an ear, or just a hand... but together we make up the body and can glorify God together. I love that. Harmony. Oneness. Sacrifice - ours and His - for the glory of God.

Anyway - bringing it together (if I can possibly attempt to do so) - out of God's "freewill" offering, He so loved us. [I.e. He sent His Son, as an offering, a sacrifice for OUR sin. That is amazing. Let that resonate. The God of the universe, the maker of you and me, who created all things, including light, day, night, animals, earth, planets, sun, moon, stars... HE sent HIS son for US. Wow. He sacrificed so that we might have life. He loves us that much. Praise God!!! And all God's people said....]

So lets "so love Him". Lets offer our lives as living sacrifices to Him.
(from Romans 12:1 The Message)

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.

He loved us. Embrace it. "Your kindness Lord leads us to repentance". Life, new life, will continue to come through repentance and we can get there through His kindness. What a gracious and merciful God! What would our lives look like if we gave back to Him, or began to, all that He has given for us? And you know what - I'm not talking about "sell all your possessions and give to the poor" (although it isn't a bad idea and its an idea that is certainly not out of what God might be calling for any one person to) However, just a daily surrender to His will and His way. Recognizing His love for us - not so that we sin more, but simply that we pick up our cross - however heavy it may be, it may make us sweat, we may not like, it could bring tears and even physical pain - but we pick it up because we know it is the best and we follow Him.

That, my friends, is true life. That is following the Lord. God is breathing new life into me on a daily basis. Through His Spirit, through the freshness of His words, through relationships. I am thankful for new life and His love which he "freely" gave. (freewill offering)

We have a choice in life. Who will you choose to follow? Who will I choose? Its not just when I wake, but every minute of every day. Yeah I'll fall. But He is surely there when I rise; and He may just send angels to pick me up.

May we be stirred to love others, out of a stirring to love God. "Because He first loved us."

Choose Jesus with me...

Katie

As we depart from this blog, remember the words in Romans 8 regarding God's love for you:

38For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

39nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Prayer request... vent... waiting... praise!

2009-01-21T17:12:00.003-05:00

So - I just got word Dad has sleep apnea. His heart is ok. His lungs are ok. Praise God, amen?

This day has been one of intentional prayer, for him, and other stuff... and I praise God for answering my prayers about my dad.

He is going to be in the hospital tonight. He is going to be released tomorrow (as of right now), and they are trying to schedule a sleep study on him to make sure they set the "machine" to the correct amount of oxygen he will need through the night.

I am awe inspired by God's working in my heart. I am awed by the response of His people - YOU. Thank you for speaking into my life. My heart is 180 degrees from where it was last night. God would get glory either way. Just like our friends who were thrown into the fire in the book of Daniel... "Throw us in there. Burn us up. Our God can save. But even if He doesn't... we will never bow to your god." However, He heard, He answered, and made clear that its sleep apnea.

Thank you all for your prayers, your notes, your encouragement. I've been brought to tears at your response, and I want you to know you've made a difference in my life.

Thank you.

Yours truly,
Katie

Still waiting...

2009-01-21T10:49:00.002-05:00

After my vent session last night and my day of prayer today, I wanted to update you quickly. (as I need to remain, or gain, focus at work)

My dad and I chatted this morning. The cardiologist came in after his echo and didn't find anything with his heart. This is good news... praise God!

The "arg" news is that we still don't know whats up. The diagnosis of heart failure was really giving us a clearer picture of could be happening and has been happening. And so, we wait. God is here though, amen? I'm trying to remain in His presence as He remains in mine.

He said to me "Seek my face", and my heart continually says to Him "Your face I will seek". And so it is today... still waiting, still anxious, but seeking His face in decisions, in the health of my earthly father, and gaining strength from my eternal one.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read the previous post!

love and peace will always come...

Katie

Prayer request turns to a vent...

2009-01-20T17:18:00.006-05:00

Well friends, there have been a few times I've tried to begin to write you. I wanted to begin to describe the sweetness that is my time in Exodus these days. Yes there are some days where I've been more "into it", but all together God is teaching me a lot about Himself; even showing me the consistencies of His personality (however debated it may be between the new and old Testament)

For example... here is a snippet of what I began 2 weeks ago:
My time in Exodus has been so sweet lately. Just a side note as God told Moses who He was this morning. As I look at the sun out the window I remember His words... (and Moses' immediate response... He "made haste"...)

Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth;

who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin'; ... Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship."

Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship. My friend has imparted to me her desire in the urgency of living for Christ. What are we waiting for?

Anyway, so you see where I was going with that one. I guess I wanted to bring something before you, yet again. Amidst the praises and sorrows of 2008, hopes are high for 2009. God is doing a lot in my heart and life (which I will divulge in future posts) but for now I will tell you about my dad.

Surely it will end up being "nothing" as they say, or at least "treatable". However, even in the optimism of those around me, and even the optimism in my dad, my spirits just kind of "sunk" today as I went and hung out with him in the hospital room at lunch.

We watched the inauguration together. Certainly a moment in history that will not be forgotten. I don't care if you are a democrat or a republican; a conservative or a liberal; or a little bit of both. (frankly I don't care what I am either) What I appreciated today was the redemption I saw in America. This is a post for another time... but seriously, equality for all mankind... the symbolism was quite beautiful.

Moving along with my dad...We had a big family lunch on Sunday. Kind of a last minute thing at my parents, and Dad didn't seem to be doing well. I think he was discouraged by the lack of wellness he is experiencing, even though he has been working his butt off to change the course his body was taking. (reference last November) Anyway, he is undergoing a lot of tests right now. They have gone back and forth with the diagnosis; certainly God is in the waiting. Its something with his heart. There is a mass amount of fluid in his legs. He is just not that well & has quite a few symptoms. So they need to find the original issue and that would (ideally) solve the rest.

Frankly, I'm just discouraged. Truly shouldn't be. I need to be trusting in the Almighty. I can feel myself crawling into that cave I've mentioned before... and what I told myself, and you (my blog), is this...

don't crawl in caves. That may sound silly but yesterday I shut down. I hibernated. I went into my "cave" of processing and it made things worse. I would let no one in and I certainly wasn't coming out. God was with me, but my heart was so unbearably hard I'm not even sure I was listening to the One person who was trying to get me out of there.

I am thankful for God's presence with me. I am thankful that He yanked me out of there today. Note to self: do not crawl into a cave unless you plan on bringing someone out.

Guys, my cave is seeming more appealing. I am hating the fact my dad is in the hospital. And I don't want to hear it will be ok, and I don't want to hear that they don't know... I want him to be better. And that is the fact. It makes it hard to work. It makes it hard to carry on conversations. This amidst a lot of other things going on. There are decisions to be made. There are answers to seek. And its as if crisis comes in my path every time I'm faced with decisions.

I apologize for the vent session. I prayed this morning as I spent time in the word that I would be a joy giver, not a joy taker.

Moses' face shone among the Israelites because of His time with God. Seriously! What a testimony. It shown so brightly that he had to veil it until he went to meet with God the next time. That is what I wanted to be today to the world, to my family, to my friends.

I fear that I have taken joy today. I desire to love others so well; granted I wasn't awful to any one, I'm not writhing in guilt tonight. However, in the midst of my dad's suffering, our waiting, I'm sure I could have been more kind, loving, patient, and gentle.

Even as I write this my heart is feeling a little more convicted about it, and God is speaking words of love over me.

"Katie... I love you. I know you. I created you. I fashioned you together for My purposes. I will never leave you nor forsake you. You are Mine."

These are words of truth... God hear my plea... break the glass, the ice, that is laid on my heart tonight. I pray the tears that so desperately want to pour out of my soul would come like a flood and land at your feet... or rather in your jar. If it is strength and not pride or sin that is holding me together like this, may I feel like, recognize it, and give you praise for it. But God - if it is sin in me, break me. Break my heart.

That is me in the flesh my friends. That is me tonight. I guess I would ask for prayer for my dad, and his health and spirits. My mom in her trust in God and her spirits. My sisters. My brothers. And me. I would ask for your prayer as I desire to seek God's face, God's will, and God's desire for me. I desire His rest. It is so obvious that God is tying together His truths in Exodus for my weary heart today:

MOSES - "Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people."

GOD- "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

That truth is available to all... for dad, for me, for you.

A friend gave me this today... praying these words sink into my heart with more truth than they did today. I pray that I wake up with these sung over me and that it would change the way I live my day, the way my heart feels, and the focus I have... may these words ring true for me:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscruitable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks strength, He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait on the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

So this was more of a vent session. Thank you for walking along side me in this journey. In my ups, and my downs. I pray that you find rest in God tonight. May His song of peace sing over you.

In Christ I find my rest,
Katie

PS- thank you for being here. I considered editing this blog post because by the time I got to the end of it, my spirit was lifted. God uses my times here to bring me before the cross again and rest. I am there once again. But it doesn't do any good for you to read a dishonest post. This is me tonight. These were my emotions and feelings as I processed. And I ended up on the side of God's grace once again. Praise God for that. I would hate to remain where I was....

Abiding... a year in review

2009-01-02T20:08:00.005-05:00

God is good.

I guess I felt like I needed to post and didn't know what to tell you. I suppose I could begin to relive what 2008 was like for me, for those I know, and knew, and what I hope 2009 unfolds. But there is just no telling what is on its way for us.

I do think its appropriate for me, and my heart, to make sure I receive what I learned last year and continue on in that learning with whatever God allows or brings my way in 2009.

First things first:

To abide. There has not been a word that has been so freshly laid on my heart as this one. As I recount the wars, the trials, the questions gone unanswered, the victories, the fears, the praises...to abide rings more true in my heart than ever.

Dictionary.com offers opinions on the matter and so perfectly coincide with my heart through out 2008. (and scripture that God taught me)

To abide is to remain. Crazy right? Or maybe not. But consider scripture that you probably have heard many times "remain in Me..." In the NASB the word the used is abide.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me." John 15:4

Another transforming idea of abiding is to abide in His love. What does that mean for you? For me, to abide in God's love, to remain there, means that I won't live into the fear, guilt, and shame that I have from my sin. It means choosing God before self. It means a constant surrender to the ONE who can do abundantly more than I could ask or imagine. Who wouldn't want to remain in that love? Even on those days when you question His presence, abide in His love, trust His presence. He is with you.

Other awe striking definitions of abiding are: "to have one's abode: to dwell", "to wait", "to accept without opposition or question".

Wow. God is dwelling with us friends. His dwelling place (His tabernacle) is us.

To wait. Do I need to explain this at all? Waiting is the name of the game. We are ultimately waiting for redemption and restoration of ourselves and mankind - however - we are actively waiting as in every moment God is calling us to love the world as He did. Abide in Him. He will enable you to accomplish all things in Him. "Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Let your heart take courage. Yes wait for the Lord."

To accept without opposition or question. If you didn't read the post 2 times ago, on Mary, please do because for me God is wrapping more and more truth around what I've learned recently in these definitions of abiding. Mary did question - I will give you that. But it wasn't with opposition, or a lack of trust, just kind of "are you serious God? I'm going to have Jesus, but really?" And then Mary was accepting it, she embraced it, and began the process of abiding in a new circumstance. Oh how I need to learn from her. God has put me in circumstances this year where I did not believe it. He has put people in my path where I felt inadequate to help, love appropriately, or be used by Him - but abiding did conquer. God conquered. I accepted the positions He put me in, and I have seen beautiful transformation in me and in the lives around me. How beautiful abiding is. To accept without opposition. Just trust Him. wow.

So those are my reflections on abiding.

The rest of year... I am in shock as I just went back through my blog from 2008, seeing what I've asked for prayer over. I guess I can update you on the fact that I can now take my coffee with just cream (cut out the sugar), and A LOT less cream than I was drinking last year. Baby steps to black.

My blog in 2008 began (after reflecting on Sarah) with crisis in Kenya, which is has now subsided. I believe there is still a little unrest, but God in His grace brought peace, and now Kenya is working on building their economy again. By His grace I might return this year. Now that would be incredible.

I asked for prayer for my friend (Anna's best friend) Leslie. We joined in the war, together, as a body of Christ, praying fervently for healing, but also for God's will. God, in His infinite and unfathomable love, understanding, and justice, took her home. I don't understand why God answers certain things the way He does. How do we learn to abide with answers we didn't prefer? We trust (in the midst of the agony) that God is sovereign. I do know that God has continued to pour out love and healing on the family she left behind. Please continue to pray for them. Her fight is over, but God still has a plan and a desire for Tyson and TJ.

I have asked for prayer for my dad. He is on the road to health. Having the understanding that dad has anemia, he is now taking a lot more iron, and eating iron rich foods. No internal bleeding. Praise God! Answered prayers... miracles. Thank you for walking along side us in that. Continue to pray for improved health.

There were some funny times certainly - with my family. Here are two blogs that I think are worth highlighting from the past year: (they aren't long, but I think they'll make you laugh. Especially if you know them)

DAD story about mothers day

Lets not forget how my mom began to use email. :)
MOM story about emailing

Also in 2008, my grandfather was very sick. In October he went home to Jesus. I praise God for the uniquely beautiful goodbyes I had with him. I will never forget how he loved me with his last breaths. I will never forget how he called me "a sweetie". I will never forget seeing his eyes for the last time. I will never forget his laugh, his smile, his kisses, his hugs. I will never forget him. I am thankful for him, his life, and even his death and all he taught me about being a fighter and a lover. Please continue to pray for my grandma, my dad, my uncles, and our family as we learn what life can look like without him. To live into the plan God has for us now, as Grandpa completed the task that God set before him. We've still got work to do my friends!

I have asked for prayer for the McCrackens. They still need your prayers friends. I just read an update on the possibility of surgery (they are pretty sure) on her liver to remove more cancer; and it looks like she will also be receiving radiation treatment. Pray for the family. Pray for Susie McCracken. Praise God for their time of "rest" over the holidays- no surgery, no radiation, just family time. But we need to join this family again in prayer. Thank you for your faithfulness family.

My baby sister got married in August. Brandt (her hubby) and her are learning a lot and growing together beautifully. There are a lot of raw truths that are discovered in marriage (not that I know from experience... but I've walked with a lot of friends through it), and they seem to be taking them one day at a time. Putting one foot in front of another. Her wedding was incredible and beautiful, and its a great thing to watch as they learn and grow and love each other more daily.

Ahhh... what a year huh? I know I've learned more, studied more, blogged more, than I put here but to just recap what God is doing, how He is active in my life and the lives around me is healthy for my heart. I am thankful that I was able to look at Him at the end of 2008 and say ...

"Thank you God. Thank you for your faithfulness, your goodness, your provision, your love this year. May I come to know you more intimately in the days, months, and year to follow. Thank you for new relationships, thank you for those I've temporarily said goodbye to, thank you for being present in the joy and sorrow. For the year to come... May I praise you more. May I come to you more. May I love you more. May I surrender more. Oh God ... that I would abide more. I offer you my life, my year, my all."

So - I guess I went into details of events over the past year, but it is just interesting to look at it over a year. I pray that we will all grow and learn and love more in 2009.

Thanks for sticking with me the past year. I look forward to living life on here with you in the year to come.

Cheers to 2009!

Katie

My Tabernacle

2008-12-23T16:23:00.002-05:00

So I wrote this post before Christmas, but I thought the message of Mary should remain until after the big day. As a side note, the idea of Mary's desire turning into the desire of God that already exists is beautiful to me. She accepts it, desires it, but it doesn't take away from how hard it is and will be. Keep that in mind as you allow God to mold your desires into what He desires. Its cool... but in ain't easy.

Anyway, along with the post. I am past this now in my current study of Exodus, but I hope this raises questions and thoughts from you. Thanks for reading and participating with me as I grow in the knowledge and understanding of God through His word (even in the OT).

my tabernacle

So… as you may know, and if not you’re just now finding out, I have been studying the Old Testament. For words I don’t understand I look at my thick concordance. But generally things make sense when taken in smaller chunks. Sure I could use a little history lesson, but it beautiful coincides with some of the study I’m doing in Revelation at Common Ground and Acts that I am doing with a friend.

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Exodus, but for a while its been mainly about Moses; the journey out of Egpyt, through the sea, into the wilderness, etc. I just finished the laws, and have entered into the building of the tabernacle.

Its taken days on days to get through it, and I’m still reading about curtains, pillars, linens, the alter, etc. It is filled with intricate details, none of which I will begin to share with you lest I lose the small amount of interest that I have thankfully peaked. Just know that it is very detailed. As the sizes are determined, the materials choses (gold, silver, bronze, acacia wood, etc.), and colors picked (purple linen for example) I was amazed for the first couple chapters of such detail; pulling some verses to which I can squeeze a drop of “word” into my soul for that day’s “daily bread”.

Well, a couple days ago, I continued on this journey of reading how God was describing that the Israelites build His tabernacle. Then I noticed a baby “a” right by the word “tabernacle”. (this signals me to go down to the bottom of the page and see what reference its talking about) It translated the word “tabernacle” to “dwelling place”. For a minute I began to think “cool. Yeah. Where God dwells…like His church”.

Although that may be true, and Exodus is speaking of a physical place that is being built, the Holy Spirit led me to consider my body as the temple, or “dwelling place” of the Lord. You have heard it said, or read, that our bodies are God’s temples. From that you can draw ideas as to how to eat, work out, drink, etc; just the general upkeep of our bodies. Well, consider with me for a moment that through out Exodus as God describes how He desires the temple to be built not just maintained, how then are we building our temple?

What kinds of things are we allow ourselves to be built with? I’m not suggesting we hide from the world, and to be honest, I haven’t gotten much beyond the question to myself, but something to consider and really something I’m looking for feedback on.

We are tabernacles. We are dwellings places for the most High God! That in and of itself is powerful…and then how is God telling us to build it?

Maybe the dwelling place is the collective church/tabernacle of the body of Christ. In which case God specifically outlines how we are to “build one another up” and to operate as Christ to the world, and to each other. To mourn with those who mourn. To be joyful with those who are joyful. “There is a time for everything under the sun…” and to be fully with God and each other in those times.

Just a thought…

There is more depth in Christmas...

2008-12-21T14:27:00.007-05:00

I have been challenged with some thoughts regarding Christmas and I thought it would be good for me to dig deeper into them in this venue.

The first being the idea of saying "Welcome to the world baby Jesus!" My friend was struggling with the idea of saying this knowing the purpose and intent of God coming down in the form of man to suffer, be persecuted, and ultimately killed for His people - us! How can you say lightly "Welcome!" ? I think there are some things to keep in mind in regards to that idea. Absolutely it is with humble gratitude that we thank God for coming to save us from the destruction that we ask for, the wrath we deserve... knowing He offers life apart from that.

God decided long before we began to say "welcome" that He would send His only son, to come, live this life, die for us, and then be raised from the dead. He crafted His plan so that all mankind would have the opportunity to come and know Him. We rejoice with who He is. We hurt because we see our God take on our punishment on the cross. And we rejoice when He is raised from the dead because that is what gives us life.

So he came, he lived, he died, and now lives again.

"...And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." (John 14: 15-17)

PRAISE GOD! When I take communion, some times my mind is coherent and alert enough as I come before the throne of God, my creator, my savior, my redeemer, my restorer, my King, I imagine the nails going into Jesus' hands. I picture the blood pouring out of them. I imagine the Father on the throne allowing this to take place so that He would see me not only in Heaven, but living this life for Him.

I imagine my greed nailed on Jesus. I imagine my selfishness pouring from his forehead. I imagine my lust nailing his feet. I weep in raw humility of what my God has done for me. I weep knowing He CHOSE to give me the option at life, and He died so that I may also die to myself.

Three days later my God rose again. He rose so that I may have life. He sent the counselor. He sent the Spirit. He was not just offering life in Heaven, but on earth. Life to the fullest in both places.

"You heard me say, 'I am going away and I am coming back to you.' If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me." (John 14: 28)

That is Jesus speaking to His disciples. The world MUST KNOW. Who is going to tell them? Who is going to communicate the gospel in love to the people who haven't a clue? Its not about the 4 spiritual laws. Jesus loved. Follow His example. He was in relationship. Follow that too. Trust Him.

So when I say "Welcome to the world baby Jesus"... may my heart be rendered humbly and eternally thankful for the sacrifice and choice that God made to save a wretch like me.

Point Number 2 (keeping in mind point number one and even the previous blogs on redemption):

Mary was first told by an angel that she was going to give birth to Jesus. She was engaged, not married. She was a virgin. So obviously there were a lot of questions. She was not afraid to ask the angel...

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

And as angels do, they provide clarity and reassurance of God...

"The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God."

Any well minded teenager I am sure would have many more questions... wondering what people would think of her, of Joseph, how they would provide for this baby; and so it is with the call of God on our lives so often.

"God seriously? Keeping me in Indiana? How will I do the things I'm passionate about in this state?"

" Um... so Africa... money... language... culture... how God?"

"Sarah has cancer. If she dies Lord, how will I live? How will I breath? How will I go on?"

After each question I ask, He continually answers "Trust Me."

Anyway, so, Mary doesn't ask a second round. The angel affirms her, and puts her in her place, so to speak. "Nothing is impossible with God."

Well ok then. She says..."I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her."

What was so astounding to me today, was after the revelation from the angel, telling Mary what was about to happen, was her reaction. Its ok to wonder, its ok to ask a question, but sooner rather than later you need to accept that this is God's will. Mary did that so beautifully.

"I am the Lord's servant. May it be as you have said."

Yes its scary. The will of God isn't always easy or predictable, but if He has called you to it, you must trust Him that it is better than what YOU could have conjured up yourself. That, to me my friends, is incredible faith. If you notice it is not just "yes God I'll do what you say", but it is "May it be as you have said." Her desire for her life then became what God's desire is.

May my will conform to what God's will is. May my desire for my life be what God's desire is for it.

"Not my will, but Your's be done."

Jesus said that (to bring back point 1). He chose God's will, and essentially His, to be crucified, taking on the wrath of the world, and to be raised 3 days later and then ascend into Heaven. WOW. So that we, all mankind, might be saved. That is the most beautiful love story of all. That is the greatest unfolding of God's will I've known.

There are so many things to learn. There is so much transformation of my heart that needs to happen. May we be presently aware of the inter workings of the miracle of Jesus' birth, and the characters and stories that God worked together for one pregnancy.

The birth of our savior is something to be trembled.

I pray that this season, these days, we would focus on GOD. Not just the story. Not the days and years that followed, but praising God today, 2008, for how He continues to unfold the story of redemption in our lives.

Joyfully & Humbly His today,
Katie

Part 2: Redemption in the Inbetween

2008-12-14T13:17:00.002-05:00

I don't believe I've ever written a "part 2" on my blog before. If you're finding this just read the previous post about redemption. I'm sure I will begin to repeat myself, for which I apologize, but I am praying that God gives me the words that He wants me to share here; as I process what redemption looks like in my own life.

Ironically (or not so because of God), today at church we talked about redemption. I'm sure many churches across the US, or perhaps the world, did as well. Why you ask? Because Common Ground has decided to walk through the liturgy of the advent season. Today's verses were found in Isaiah 61, mainly.

So, as I'm sitting there astonished after reading Isaiah 61 and the first thing the pastor says is "You know what this story is? REDEMPTION." Ok Jesus, let the lessons begin. I just re-read Isaiah 61, and tears welled up in my eyes over the story of redemption. So much so that I'm not sure where to begin with the processes as I sat in church.

Lets start at the beginning. Restoration. "Restoration Katie? I thought we were talking about redemption?" We are, but as I sat there and the pastor almost used the two interchangeably I was challenge by the possible integration of the two.

So... I looked them up. Definition time. If you read my blog a lot you know how much I love getting to the definitions. It makes it all the more clear in my heart as I understand what is being said.

#1: Redemption:

deliverance; rescue
atonement for guilt
theology: deliverance from sin, salvation

#2: Restoration:

the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.
restitution of something taken away or lost
a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition

Friends, is the truth of this unveiling itself in your heart?

To me it would seem, (feel free to send me emails and comments about how I'm wrong. I certainly don't stand to be the expert on any subject. I write what I'm learning, and its open for discussion) that redemption is part of the bigger story of restoration. I have heard restoration a lot in the church and in the word. "Restoration of all things" Taking this into our context, not just of the Israelites which I mentioned in the blog post below, or the passage that is going through it in Isaiah 61, but in our lives.

God is the one who is restoring all mankind back until itself. He is returning something former. He is in the process of restitution... something that was lost or stolen. I venture to guess what was lost or stolen was our perfection in Him. Our sin was the thief. His desire is for us to return to the original state of being.

We cannot be restored without redemption. He has delivered us from our sin. He has rescued us from lives filled with it and living in emptiness. He has, and is, redeeming us.

The reason I believe its continual acts of redemption leading to our restoration is because we are not perfect until we go home. Its small victories won, with Jesus. Its us admitting ourselves to be transformed into His likeness. Its the body of Christ committing to participate in His kingdom come on earth.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. " James 1:2-3

Trials suck. Earth can often suck. Joy doesn't mean happiness. But my prayer is that we would "keep the faith". That we would run with perseverance the race marked for us; whatever befall us.

So on this grander story of restoration, through God's redemption in us and around us (through the cross of Christ), we can partake also in His joy. Knowing He is the only One who can bring about healing, redemption, and restoration... let us hold tight to His promises. "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "I am with you always. Even to the end of the age." "I am not slow concerning my promises... but not willing that any should perish." (these might not be direct, but they're in my heart)

Friends, if you're still with me, thank you. I know its this massive "revelation" if you will in my heart, I just hope it translates to someone. One person. Continuing on...

After our suffering, even if it is one trial to the next, God will redeem us, restore us, and put us "back together" in a newer, probably better, version of ourselves. "To grant those who mourn in Zion. Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." (Isaiah 61:3)

That is where I started to cry when I re-read it. Those are the promises. That is what he is doing after, and through, each trial. That is what He is doing in all mankind. He is restoring us to be better version of ourselves that we didn't know could come, or exist, unless there was suffering.

It doesn't mean live is easier, or happier, but to grasp how wide and deep is the love of God, to know His promises of Heaven by watching a dearly loved one go there, changes your life. It transforms the way you live, the way you think, the way you breath, the way you live.

In this beautiful body of Christ, I also believe God did not intend to allow our experiences with Him to only be for ourselves, but each other. Here is a nugget of truth expressed in Isaiah and in church today.

"The recipients of redemption then become the administers of it." In God's stories of redemption He uses people, each other. I posted a blog about this Every Good and Perfect Gift", the idea being that it is always God weaving this story, but He might use others to do it.

Be encouraged family. When I was 20 I would not have chosen to lose my big sister at age 21. I would not have picked this road for myself. But I know that it has brought blessings into my life that I would not have otherwise had.

I lost my sister, but I lost her to Jesus. I ache for her. I miss her like crazy. But in the same breath I am SO thankful that God uses tragedy, or suffering, in the lives of others. If I knew what the outcome was, and continues to be, and how God uses it, honestly not sure if I would choose it still. But, that doesn't matter. This is the story being written on my heart. God is using my story of redemption in the lives of others. He is using Sarah's story of redemption in the lives of others. And I know He will use your's too.

Why? For the greater restoration of all things. If you continue to read the rest of Isaiah 61 - you will see how obvious it is that God is using the people He is redeeming, to be a part of other redemption stories in the greater story of Restoration.

The beginning of ALL this, and the foundation of ALL restoration and redemption, is the cross and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I NEVER want to discount that. It is because of that that I write these words, and know the Lord that I know.

I pray that you find these words encouraging your heart today as you go through what life has dropped on your lap.

Take heart...

Katie

Redemption in the inbetween

2008-12-12T18:11:00.003-05:00

Do you know any really good stories of redemption? Immediately perhaps your mind goes to the redemption of mankind; Jesus coming, living, dying, and then raising again. That is part of God's redemption story. I suppose in a nutshell (if you can put God, or His redemption story in a "nutshell") that might be it.

But as I read in Exodus these days I am blown away at God's desire for the people of Israel to remember where they've been redeemed from. Chapter after Chapter, trial after trial, "Israel, remember what I've redeemed you from!" They were in bondage in Egypt, and now they're free. They were slaves, and now they're free. God provided for them in their captivity and He continued to in their freedom. Did they complain? Yes. They would say things like "Why did you bring us into the wilderness to die? We would rather be back in Egypt. At least we ate there." WHAT? The people of Israel are requesting to be set back in the chains that God freed them from.

I dare to compare us to them. I don't believe things have changed. God did amazing things to set the Israelites free from Pharaoh and his armies. The parting of the red sea. Providing manna. The plagues. Even in love he sent the plagues so that ALL MEN (the Egyptians too) would know that He is God. After all of that, they still said "we want our chains back". You can't be serious. I split a sea, you walked on the ocean floor, I provided manna - this crazy food from heaven, I made water pour out from a rock, and I began this redemption story as I came to this dude named Moses in a burning bush, and you still don't trust Me?"

Wow. How silly, close minded, and near sighted individuals we can be. "Remember from what I've redeemed you." Friends, my admission is that as God weaves His story of redemption within my life, I get caught up in myself. I lose a thankful heart that should constantly be there if I remembered what He has redeemed me from. He freed me from bondage of sin, guilt, shame. He set me free from a life of death and self distruction. I was walking toward death, and he plucked me up, and put me on the road to life. Narrow as it may be, a road nonetheless. Now I have to walk on it.

What has He brought me to on this road? A life lived for Him; ultimately satisfying; even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes. That is my sin keeping me from experiencing the freedom right? Its me saying "God. I don't know about this. Its getting awfully hard. I kind of liked where I was a month ago." But to keep growing into this freedom, to dig deeper in my relationship wtih God, to truly be redeemed, the road I walk is narrow and hard. Not that many are on it. But oh the life it brings. Beautifully fulfilling even in the midst of suffering. Hopeful? Nothing but.

He is redeeming His people. Please... lets not forget from whence we came. He is a gracious God. He is pouring His love into you through every bite you eat, through ever friendship you have, through every gift you receive. He is telling His story of love. He did it on the cross. Even as I write that new truth hits me to share with you.

He showed His redemptive love through the cross. The cross was the very wrath of God, that we deserve - STILL, taken on by God Himself. If that isn't love, if that isn't redemption, then we have no hope of ever experiencing it. Redemption will never be without suffering. Nor will life. (really life should be the redemption) Redemption will never come without an admission that we were wrong. That we have sinned. And that we are, indeed, in need of it.

May our hearts be humbled, and our mouths rejoice, for He is, was, and will redeem us from ourselves and welcome us home one day into His eternal glorious home. I await that day my friends. But in the mean time, I will abide in the inbetween. I will rejoice in Him. He has not called me home yet, but He has called me here. To abide in God. So many are often on either side of Heaven... caught up here and not wanting to think of it OR caught up in it and not wanting to be here.

But I suggest to my often heaven-longing heart - I will allow Him to pour out His love and write a small chapter of His greater story of redemption, in me, that He is working out through all mankind.

That includes you.

A broken heart for another...

2008-12-06T19:22:00.002-05:00

I don't have much to say as I am caught up on the lives in the McCracken household. (their blog) My heart is overflowing with a deep sense of the weight that exists. Tears well up in my eyes over them.

Suffering... certainly not something we wish and hope for. Certainly something that isn't easy. However, I trust that God is in the midst of it. He is loving them through it. And that the best thing for me to do is bring them before His thrown.

McCrackens... if you read this, my heart is ever with you. It is breaking for you. I will do my part in bringing you before the thrown of our Savior. May the peace of God that passes all understanding guard your hearts in minds in Christ Jesus.

Amen.

A lift in the downpour...

2008-12-02T21:58:00.002-05:00

Today there has been a lift in spirits.

In the waiting much prayer took place. My dad was supposed to go into his tests today at 12:45. I called my mom every 20 or so minutes to check in. I was planning on going to hospital once my mom said he was "in", because 45 minutes later we would know the answer.

So around 1:45 he went in, and at 1:55 I headed for Noblesville's Riverview Hospital. I arrived seeing my down the hall. "They found nothing". "What?" I exclaimed. "I'll tell you in a minute."

So she got her cheeseburger and we sat down. Basically they didn't find anything. What the ER doctor thought was internal bleeding wasn't. My dad has had two bleeding ulcers in the past, and now he is battling anemia and pneumonia. So they, the new set of doctors, believe this is the reasoning for the symptoms that brought him into the ER twice in the past two weeks.

Alas, he is on a new eating regimen and iron pills for the anemia. If after the pneumonia is gone, and the anemia gets better, they'll reassess. I'm praying the reason they didn't find what they expected to is because God healed my dad. There is no doubt in my mind that is possible, and I give Him complete glory for the lift in the storm.

I raise my hands and bow my head to the Peace giver and lover of my soul. He sang a beautiful lullaby over my heart today and called me to rest there.

Thank you body of Christ for being a part of my life. Thank you for joining with me in this fight. There is no doubt there are more mountains to climb, but I am also confident of God's presence in the midst of them.

Thank you for your notes, words of encouragement, and love poured out. You are a faithful family, and for you I give Gods thanks today.

Sincerely,
Katie

ps- don't crawl in caves. That may sound silly but yesterday I shut down. I hibernated. I went into my "cave" of processing and it made things worse. I would let no one in and I certainly wasn't coming out. God was with me, but my heart was so unbearably hard I'm not even sure I was listening to the One person who was trying to get me out of there.

I am thankful for God's presence with me. I am thankful that He yanked me out of there today. Note to self: do not crawl into a cave unless you plan on bringing someone out.

A storm...

2008-12-01T17:38:00.001-05:00

Batten down the hatches. Put up the storm windows. Another blizzard is coming in. Snow piled in feet at our door. Not sure we packed enough for this one.

Yesterday my family had our Thanksgiving. [Thursday we got together. It was pretty ok. Nice to be at Annas. I ran a race that morning which was fun & wicked cold. But that is a different blog for another time]

As we watched the Colts barely win, and then the Hoosiers struggle for a victory, the mood at my parents was mediocre. Laura brought up how cute it would be for all of us to wear our Colts jerseys for a Christmas card. Quickly a response comes, “what would we say?”, and in that Umbaugh sarcasm, “We are having the happiest of holidays.” Anna chimes in “Pray for us!” I mention creating something like a prayer card… (Jokingly) “Here is a list of things you can pray for us about.”

This isn’t a “poor us” email, or a request or plea for you to feel bad for us. It is simply recognition of the storm that isn’t coming, but has arrived. The storm began in 2004 when my sister was diagnosed with cancer and the hits just haven’t stopped coming. Mixed in the last 4 years have been times of immense pain and extreme joy. Currently we are in one of the more painful times of life as God works His plans in and through us.

My family is one of faith, but we are never void of emotion. My grandpa, my dad’s dad, went to Heaven in October of this year. If you’re new to this blog, which is doubtful, there is a post or two about him back in October. Check it out.

Anyway, three weeks prior it was a waiting game of ups and downs. My dad stayed in Plymouth (Indiana, not Rock) the majority of the time. His time consisted of sleeping on the floor of the nursing home, with his dad in bed and my grandma in the recliner. He didn’t get much sleep those three weeks, and as always in death, it often doesn’t hit you until after the fact. It has been hitting my dad for weeks now. Along with his heart and blood flow. My dad is having tests tomorrow, Tuesday, to see whats going on in him. We know there is internal bleeding, but the cause is uncertain. I know I just wrote about this but frankly its hitting me harder than I’ve recognized.

We could find out a lot or a little. It could be anywhere from cancer to an ulcer. We are hoping for the later, but certainly won’t know until tomorrow. If there is a “cancer possibility” there will be more tests to be had.

As with anything, this does not just wear on the person going through it, but it wears on those they love and who love them. This is certainly wearing on my family, and more specifically my mom. I did not get permission to post this blog, or write about them, but I trust the eyes that fall on this blog will lift them up in prayer. I trust that those of who you stumbled on my blog will be challenged to pray. (even if you aren’t used to it)

My mom has shown more bravery and strength in the last 2 months than I have ever seen in her. It has been a beautiful experience for me to watch as she would “rise to the challenge” to take care of my dad the way she is. For my parents…each individual is in desperate need of strength and peace. They are both squeezed to the pulp. Tuesday could mean a lot of things, and I pray out of God’s grace that it would mean a quick fix, health for my dad, and ultimately joy for my family.

But alas, if it does mean more testing, if it does mean cancer, we will stare at it straight in the face and say “we will not let you take us down. God has the victory be it in this life or the next.” My family knows that truth, and we will rest in that truth once again. (if that is indeed where this is going) We will take life one day at a time as we’ve done for the last 4 years.

I am not ignoring God’s graces in storms, or His immense love for me. Job poured out his heart in his angst and heartache, and I am doing the same. I will remain faithful to my God, for His love for me, and my family, stretches beyond my comprehension.

He is faithful, even in sickness, and even in my sin. And so I will be faithful to Him, even in the face of trials, and my parents suffering. I don’t discount this is “my suffering” too, but I wish I could take it from them; the hurt, the grief, the pain, the illness. However, that is my Dad’s cross to bear, and my mom’s cross to bear. My cross is suffering along side them. I will pick it up, and I will follow Him.

There are other things that are happening in my life as an individual that aren’t cultivating peace. However, the One who offers me peace is always with me.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

I am challenged to seek Him first. It makes sense why the word says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Oddly enough, it comes from Matthew 6, in the ever famous passage of scripture about not worrying.

I do think, beyond food and clothing, God promises something else. I never thought that the things that would be “added” are peace, joy, comfort, wisdom… I just HAVE to put my trust, and turn my outcries to God before others. I must seek first His kingdom. My desire must be His. “God, to YOU be the glory in this seeming mess … and whatever that means it means.” “God YOUR will be done.”

As my eyes grow weary of watching my family’s suffering, as I grow tired of seeing my Daddy, the man in my life, hurt so deeply, I cry out to God for healing. I ask that you would please join with me in this.

I thank God for the words of wisdom my beautiful friend Amanda, out poured to me last night in a text message. As I reflect on her words, as I read again her love expressed here, it hits me “This is the body. This is the community I long for and am now experiencing. Praise God!” These words brought tears to my eyes…

“The word compassion comes from the roots that mean literally to ‘suffer with’; to show compassion means sharing in the suffering ‘passion’ of another. To live with compassion means to enter others dark moments. It is to walk into places of pain, not to flinch or look away when another agonizes. It means to stay where people suffer. You, my friend, are compassionate to me and to your friends you mentioned on your blog. I am honored to call you friend. I promise to be that for you as I pray for you and all of the things that make your heart heavy right now. Love you lots.”

She also gave me this verse on Sunday: (James 5:16b-18)

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.”

You are the righteous ones. Thank you for being a part of my life by reading this blog. Even if this is your first time or your last, thank you for being faithful in reading, keeping up, and praying for my friends and family that I mention. Thank you for praying for me.

As I sit here, reflecting on what my heart has poured out to you, Sara Groves song “What I thought I wanted” popped on, and these words sang over my agitation.

I keep wanting you to be fair

But that’s not what you said

I want certain answers to these prayers

But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job

I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows

About what it is he wanted and what he got instead

How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted...

Staring in the water like Esops foolish dog

I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost

What it was I wanted, what I got instead

Leaves me broken and grateful

I’m broken and grateful

I want to be broken and grateful

I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful

I stand (or rather sit) here broken and praying. I am grateful for God, His sovereignty, His goodness, His faithfulness, and His love bestowed on my family and me…just needing the prayers of the saints.

Thank you.

Katie

Tongue Tied and Heart Broken

2008-11-26T09:41:00.000-05:00

I didn’t notice that I hadn’t posted a blog in a while, until my friend (some of us call her Muffin Manda – maybe just me) reminded me that it had been a hot minute. Alas, I am now writing you.

As I began to pray for the words to speak to you here, lyrics from a Christian song popped into my head. “Give me words to speak. Don’t let my spirit sleep. I can’t think of anything worth saying but I know that I owe you my life.”

These past few weeks that I have ignored you, the few the proud the brave blog readers of mine, my spirit has not slept. I assure you. Over the past few weeks I have come to realize, as if I didn’t already know, that life is a series of “ups” and “downs”. I put those in quotes because what we define as ups are typically the easier times of life, and the “downs” are the suffering. However, “count it as pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds…” Joy doesn’t always mean happiness, but joy, hope, peace, can exist in suffering, or in trials. Counting it joy, and abiding in the love of God. “Abide in my love”. That is my aim lately.

Two weeks ago, it was determined that my dad has an enlarged heart, possibly caused by pneumonia. He was put on meds and told to “take it easy”. The loss of his father was already weighing heavy on his heart and mind. His suffering became an insurmountable hill where he lacked the strength to climb. [Insert the strength of the Lord] When finding out the news of the enlarged heart (making it hard for Dad to breath or be active), my family was, obviously, affected deeply.

Almost a week ago, he went into the ER after having trouble breathing. It was determined that he is anemic, and there could be other things to follow. Somewhere in my dad’s lovable 6 foot 3 inch body, there is internal bleeding going on. Next week’s tests will begin and we will find out the “source” of this. Alas, another journey, another “down”, and all the more reason for me to turn my eyes toward Jesus.

Last week my heart sank as I heard of another profound goings on within the body of Christ. I won’t go into details, for they are not mine to share, but a friend of mine, her mother, is battling cancer. I knew of the cancer, but the incline of the mountain they are climbing increased significantly. I do not say “battle” lightly, knowing the hills, mountains rather, that she and her family are climbing. Here is another beautiful God loving family who is facing suffering… enduring suffering… seeking Jesus in the middle of their trials. There is a very serious surgery that is coming up on the 3^rd of December. She is challenging us, in her words, to be thankful for how God has blessed us with those sitting around that Thanksgiving table. After “losing” Sarah, my sensitivity to those around me, how much I love them, and how thankful I am was there. It still is, but it takes times like watching my friend endure her mothers battle with cancer, that I remember how painful, how gut wrenching the tears are, how you fight any fear that is there, and how you put your mind on the hope that is in Christ and prayers on healing. Tears welled up in my eyes reading Susie’s words on her blog today…

“As you sit down to your Thanksgiving dinner this year look around at the people you love and tell them all how much they mean to you. You never know what tomorrow will bring.”

Now you’ve seen why my heart is breaking, and now for the tongue tied. I lost my big sister to cancer, 3.5 years ago. (can you believe its been that long? I can’t.) I walked a steep mountain with her for the 9 months of the fight. There were victories along the way, and the ultimate victory which God gave through Jesus to Sarah. She did indeed enter into eternal glory with our savior. My sister was a beautiful 26 year old, who loved children, loved to cook, love her family, loved Jesus… and was an absolute joy to those she met. Her smile contagious, her laugh addicting. Some days you just couldn’t soak up enough of Sarah.

Mollys mom, Susie, who is a bubble of joy every time I see her, is now facing “trials of many kinds”, and suffering that makes you want to say “take this cup from me” (or her, or them). I prayed for Sarah for 9 months for healing, knowing God’s will is good pleasing and perfect whatever the end of this particular story was. In light of my ending, or rather Sarah’s beginning in Heaven, how do I respond to someone like the McCrackens? How do I love them in the midst of this knowing the outcome of my story? I am tongue tied. All I can say is that I am on my knees, before Jesus, for you. I am with you in this, as I know so many are.

For a long time I asked that you join with me in prayer for the Aschliman family. Tyson and Tj are now living with out Leslie (in a physical sense). God is sustaining them and healing them. Tyson just posted a blog in regards to prayer and suffering that speaks to this very thing. Good to hear and keep in sight as I pray for the McCrackens, as I pray for my dad, and as dearly loved people, part of the family of God, face suffering.

I would ask that you join me again, as the body of Christ, before the throne of grace abundant, for the McCrackens. Follow their blog. Be faithful in prayer for them. The greatest gift we can give is to love them as Jesus does. To acknowledge that Jesus loves them, has not left them, nor will He ever, and to be present with them in their suffering. Lets BE the body. Mourn with those who mourn, laugh with those who laugh, rejoice with those who rejoice, and suffer with those who suffer.

Read their blog (http://ohhowhelovesq.blogspot.com) and put them on your prayer list. Let’s get on our knees for and with them before the God who created them. Lets love as Christ asks us to.

I am tongue tied and heart broken. I am more aware of His grace every day. I am more aware of His love for me. I am thankful that my hope is in Heaven, and that this present suffering only compares to the glory on the other side. To GOD be the glory on this earth, and that I would live my life as an offering to Him.

Full of His love and grace...

Katie

Persecuted church... here am I

2008-11-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

Today, worldwide, is the day of prayer for the persecuted church. Did you know that? Thankfully our church did, and we focused on it.

I prayed this morning, prior to going, that the Holy Spirit would pour into me while in service. Pour He certainly did. He did not only pour a little, but so much that within the first 5 minutes my heart overflowed and tears ran down my cheeks.

The first thing I saw when service began were stories of people around the world being persecuted for following God. I read and saw faces, story after story, of those who will not renounce their faith.

We began to worship. The first song was so packed with the Spirit, more arms were raised than I have seen in weeks, and hearts were knelt down to our Maker. Hearing stories of people hiding in basements, countries where we don't know how many Christians are there because it is illegal to follow the Lord; men, women, and children killed for loving our God. Humble hearts of our congregation entered into a time of proclamation, with freedom, that our God is NAME above ALL Names. How great is our God. In hearing this I didn't think about my situation and how great God is in that (however He is). I didn't think about the clothes on my back, the car I drive. I didn't think about my family, friends or house church. I thought - how great is our God. He is savior and Lord of the universe. If the people hiding in other countries in basements worship Him today, quietly and peacefully so as not to be killed, I must sing even louder so that we together can proclaim His name.

We have so much freedom here, in the United States. We can worship who we want... we have the freedom to raise our hands, and shout as loud as our lungs will carry... but do we? I am challenged to know that God has put me in this place where there is freedom to proclaim his name, without torture to follow.

"Blessed are those who are persecuted..." Do we believe that? Do we believe that, even to our death?

A couple years ago, three christian men were tortured and killed because they would not renounce the name of Christ. The beauty of their faith brings tears to my eyes. Oh how I long to have faith like that. They had an option. Men broke into their place of worship, threatened saying that all of this, this torture, this punishment, will go away if you call out another name. They chose to say...God is Name above all names. Jesus is my Lord.

We are not put in situations like that every day here, but others are. We do live in a place of freedom from religious persecution. So, what are we doing with our freedom? I bet millions of people crowd into churches on Sunday morning, but outside of that proclamation, what are we doing on a daily basis to proclaim God's glory to the whole earth? Lets exercise our freedom to love our God out loud. Lets be changed by the Holy Spirit on a daily basis, so that others will get to know God. Its not about numbers of "conversion", or the numbers filling the pews. Its about our relationship with the Maker of Heaven and earth. Its allowing ourselves to be so filled with Him that is spills onto others, and they can't help but surrender out of love for Him.

Knowing Him has changed the lives of 3000 believers in this specific country. They are willing to be claimed as such in a land that is not safe for them to claim God. Do we love Him that much? Are we changed by faith to proclaim it until death?

My heart is heavy today for the persecuted church, and the church in the US. My heart is heavy to make known the mystery of the gospel. My heart longs to be counted as faithful through persecution.

God will not keep us from going through persecution, trials will happen due to the fall of man - but He WILL sustain us and bring us through. I was watching a movie last night that said this:

"People always say that change is a good thing, but what it really means is that something that you didn't want to happen, has happened"

That may be true- but let us count what God does in that change as good; knowing that He is refining us and bringing Himself glory.

And so, as the same verse always tugs at the very core of my being, they said this in church today (Isaiah 6:8):

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I sat there in church, and they said this before worship, and tears rolled down. This is my constant prayer. "God, Here am I. SEND ME!" I am willing to go to the ends of the earth. Take me where you want me to be. I will to go Turkey, I will go to China, I will go to Kenya, I will go... send me please."

I don't know what this means, but to have a ready heart to be sent [even if the sending is staying right here] it was refreshing for me to be in this place once again.

I wanted to share as God spilled His Spirit all over me today, and I believe our congregation, and prayerfully the entire Body of Christ, WORLD WIDE.

Today, with you, and millions of others, I lift up the persecuted church. I lift up their families. I pray God for a renewal of heart and mind for them. I am thankful that they made the decision to follow you, knowing that could lead them, even their families, to their deaths; but counting you as more gain that anything else in the entire world. Knowing that to follow Christ is the ultimate aim. I pray God that they will see you in fresh ways today. I pray that they would be encouraged, as "the blood of Christians is seed to the world." Nothing will stop Your name from being spread through out the earth. I pray, Lord, that we would not hold that up. May we, the body of Christ, proclaim boldly the mystery of the Gospel that has been made known to us through the Holy Spirit, and without shame.

Be made known, and praised through out the whole earth today.

In Jesus Name we claim victory,
AMEN

2 Thoughts

2008-11-05T22:26:00.000-05:00

So typically when I post a blog I have a profound comment, or some huge moment of inspiration to share. Tonight, I am just me. Not really relaxed, not really happy... praying that I am in a place of just being still. My heart is on the verge of entering into the weight that existed over it today. However, I am taking this time as I eat vegetable soup, with a candle lit beside me, to enjoy just being here for the moment.

I had the option of going to bed on an empty stomach or writing small number of you who read my blog.

2 things I want to share with you.

Thought #1:
First things first, my Grandfather has been home with Jesus, Sarah, and others, for almost a month now. Crazy to think like that knowing how long those 3 weeks were prior to his death. My family is doing ok.

Last night on my way to the gym I stopped by mom and dad's. William (aka Nugget) was there, and as I ran toward him to say goodbye his giggles didn't stop. Dad was talking with my Grandma, and handed me the phone. Will and I giggled with Grandma on speaker and then I shared some deeper thoughts with her.

Gma: "Katie, you'll have to come up here and get a table cloth"

KT: "Grandma, I wish I had a table to put it on" - I do have a table which was cleared up, but we laughed talking about the "single life" that I lead. Not too many needs for a tablecloth except to throw baby and wedding showers

Gma: "You know what? I'm learning to let go of a lot more material things. You know they just don't matter all that much."

KT: "You're right Grandma. Thats why we need to live with open hands."

Gma: "Yep. Eventually I'll be where Grandma Mannan (my other gma in a nursing home) is and I won't be able to take all this with me. And I won't have a trailer full of my stuff behind my grave, so I might as well get rid of it now."

For me this is such a good image. Its sobering to think if my Grandma leaving earth, entering into Heaven with her earthly husband but as the bride of Christ. There is hope in that, and reminds me that life on earth is short. Almost too short to think, question, and to avoid truly living. Materials are here today and gone tomorrow. They are a gift, thats to be sure, but lets hang out hats on the eternal. I just really liked our conversation and I pray that it blesses you as you think about living with open hands; allowing the Lord to give and take away. Enjoying each action knowing His will is good, pleasing, and perfect.

Thought #2:

I will share with you, my dear companions, what I have been learning. I guess I have been learning to abide. That idea is not an easy one to take in... it encompasses everything and nothing all at the same time. Part of that is to see how the vision of the promise (land) helped the guys in the OT (Old Testament) to abide in the Lord & follow Him daily. I would say about 6 months ago I embarked upon reading Genesis. I would not read whole chapters at a time, but just 8 or so verses. That way I could digest what was happening. I am now into Exodus and loving knowing God in those contexts and how that relates and He works in my every day.

Lets take a side step and talk about Moses. He has been the focus on these first 13 chapters of Exodus, so to use him as an example is fitting. He, often with fear, surrendered to the Lord. He was brought up in a palace, and when he knew his true heritage, given the option he left. He "lowered" himself in the eyes of the world to join his people- the Isrealites. God had a hand on them since Abraham, through Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. God was ready to set his people free. So Moses, by faith hearing God's desire for him, when to Pharaoh 12 times. He asked him each time to let his people go, and if not God would bring a plague. Each time God answered, the magicians tried to answer, Pharaoh said he would let them go, then immediately when there was relief he took it back. "His heart was hardened". Why? To make God's glory known.

Here is what shook me up as I read through all 12 plagues - "God why would you harden Pharaoh's heart 11 times?" To make His glory known among both peoples. For the Israelites they wanted to believe that God was setting them free. I would imagine after 12 plagues of efforts they were discouraged, but how could they also not be in awe when the God who is fighting for their freedom has such power? And loves other (their enemies none-the-less) to make His glory known? Because that is the flip side I kept forgetting about. God loved the Egyptians too. He wanted them to see His glory. He wanted them to be saved, to know the glorious riches that are found in Christ. Ahh... God is good friends. Even to our enemies.

So with that I bid you goodnight. I pray that this somehow brought encouragement to your hearts. I knew that I needed to write you. I miss you. I miss processing on here with you. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Thank you blogger for giving me this forum to express myself and my thoughts of an eternal holy God.

God is rich in every capacity- rich in love, rich in kindness, rich in grace, rich in His presence, rich in goodness, rich in mercy... and those are what He is pouring out over us tonight. Soak Him up. Soak in the blessing. Know that God loves you.

Somber but peaceful,
Katie

A community lived out

2008-10-15T22:23:00.000-04:00

Well - I know this is rare - two blogs in two days, but a "fresh word" was given to me at house church. What would it look like if we lived out the call to be the "church"? To be in community? I know that often we have what we call "community groups", "house churches", "small groups"... but I'm talking about a group of people, who recognize our constant need for the grace of God and of others. I'm talking about a group of people who worship their creator, and out of that, there is a love that transcends understanding which overflows, or gets pointed to, others on earth.

I don't know friends... often times I think we're settling. Out of fear, lack of understanding, or knowledge, we settle for a complacency. We allow ourselves to be in the same place for years - in ourselves and with each other. God is callings us to more. He requests more of us. Some say, "If I could just be Jesus to one person, that is worth it." Lets do it.

Tonight, as we were in our community, I was so blessed to look around the circle and see those who are diligent about "doing life" with me. They don't leave. They stay. The follow up. They pray. They support. Awestruck really, and entirely grateful. Sure this isn't yet lived out in the group setting, but there are some individual relationships that bless me so richly.

So, with that said, reading in Romans 12 - hear this "church":

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

What does it look like for us to live this out? To be the church. To be "Jesus" to others. It takes intentionality. It takes us being committed to living this out. Just like our relationship with God, is our relationships with others. But I am ready to be a part of a people that is transforms.

So, thank you all for supporting me. I know that many of you didn't mourn as though my Grandpa was your own, but you were there. I know that not everyone could make it to Sarah's "Celebration" but you prayed, called, and sent cards. Lets continue to transform the world, through God's love and grace for one another. I think it begins with surrender. Recognizing that we are NOT able to do this on our own- but God will surely lead us. He is blessing me, even today, with friends who He has brought us together through the leading of His Spirit- by which we are mutually encouraged in the word. Its beautiful.

I'm certainly not anywhere close to "living up" to this- but I know God will transform my heart as I surrender to Him, and He will give me the "ability" to live out these truths that will rock this world for Jesus. One hug at a time.

May we have dreams and visions of who God is and what He is capable of through us - if we would only make ourselves available to Him.

Amen and amen.

Katie

Thoughts of weariness and life

2008-10-14T21:23:00.000-04:00

So many thoughts flood my mind tonight that it is hard to sort out or know what to say or how to begin. This weekend was a desert. How does God satisfy in a dry and weary land where there is no food?

He provides. He doesn't move. He doesn't leave you. He remains. He is present in those moments.

This weekend was hard for many reason, but the key factor is that I was to mourn my grandpa's death... and celebrate his life. Thankfully we did both of those. My grandpa was an amazing man and I am thankful for his life here on earth. My prayers are now with my Grandma - for her husband of 62 years has been set free.

My heart is weary, as I'm coming to find this a regular feeling. Not that I enjoy it or am choosing to wallow in it, but as I came before the throne of the Almighty tonight, I confessed to Him I don't know why I am like this. Yes my grandfather entered eternal glory, but it runs deeper. And He said "Just be." "Be present as I am present with you." As tears well up in my eyes over this realization, and I am thankful that its ok to be weary (once again).

I am thankful for the many blessings of this past weekend. The phone calls, the prayers, the emails...thank you for thinking of my family and me. Thank you for pleeding for strength and peace on our behalf. Peace there is, and I am thankful. But that leaves a tired crew who are coming back to re-integrate into "normal life". In this life I know that hope exists. I know that tomorrow will be a day that the Lord has made, just as today was. But today acknowledgment by my Grandfather's gravesite, that life is fleeting, how do I take that and live it out where I am?

More and more pictures of what I thought life would look like fade, and reality sets in. I do have to say it is somewhat less exciting, however, not at all less able to love God and love others. I was telling Anna tonight that life no longer feels like an "adventure". But rather a story, messy at times, and most days I probably wouldn't want to read, but God is unfolding something bigger than myself in it. As long as I am living in surrender to His will, His ways, and recognizing that I am creation worshiping the Creator, I'm good.

I guess I had words to say, things to process, but no real stories to tell. Just my thoughts and heart on the table. Take them for what they are.

So, now, I bid you goodnight. As I turn off my computer, roll into "sleeping position", I will rest hopeful in this weak body of mine because I know that Grandpa, Sarah, and someday myself, will dance on Glory's side. For that day, for what God can do in tomorrow, I sleep, wake up, and do it again.

Resting in His grace that defines me,
Kate

This is what my heart feels tonight...

A song by JJ Hellers. If you don't know her - get to. She is amazing.

I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there
and I have asked a thousand ways that you would take my pain away
you would take my pain away.

I am trying to understand, how to walk this weary land
make straight the paths that crooked light,
Oh, lord before these feet of mine
oh lord before these feet of mine

when my world is shaking, heaven stands.
when my heart is breaking I never leave your hands.

when you walked upon the earth
you healed the broken the lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
one day you will set all things right
yeah one day you will set all things right

when my world is shaking heaven stands
when my heart is breaking i never leave your hands.
your hands, your hands that shaped the world.
are holding me, they hold me still
your hands that shaped the world,
are holding me, they hold me still.

when my world is shaking heaven stands.
when my heart is breaking I never leave you,
when my world is shaking heaven stands
when my heart is breaking I never leave
I never leave your hands.

He's Home... Grandpa Umbaugh is Home

2008-10-10T18:05:00.000-04:00

<--My Dad & His Dad - in 2004 - at a cousins wedding

Hello blog readers. It is with sadness for the now, and hope for the eternal, that I write to you. My Grandfather, Arnold Umbaugh, died this morning at 12:36am. I thought when I began to write to you that I had more words to say, but I guess its seemingly slim.

Your first statement I’m sure is “I’m so sorry. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.” Thank you, first of all. Second, please just keep me in your prayers. I am thankful that I am in your head, but throw us up to Jesus. He is exactly what we need right now.

Grieving will begin probably on Sunday. Tears have been shed, and even now as I begin to think about my grandpa, what I’ll say at his “celebration” service on Tuesday, tears well up from my soul in memory of him. My mom’s dad passed away when I was 9, so Grandpa Umbaugh is my main memory of a Grandpa. One word you might use to describe him is jovial and passionate. He was passionate about loving my grandma, and loving God. He was jovial in that there is no doubt he would make you laugh within 30 seconds of talking with him.

He told me stories of when he was working in the hospital and Grandma was a nurse there, how he would paint her shoes! What a silly man! He won the love of his life by playing pranks on her, and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker. What a lucky lucky woman. I haven’t gotten to talk to my Grandma yet to see how she is, but I am sure she is heart broken. The love of her life, for the past 65ish years, was ushered into Heaven this morning. 65 years is a long time to remain with the same companion. You have never seen two more faithful “lovers” in all your life. They have been a beautiful image of what marriage can be. Through thick, through thin, through tough times, and good… through broken hips, through surgeries, through the Navy, through grandchildren dying, through Alzheimer’s, and until death. Thank you Jesus for my grandparents; for meeting their needs through each other. Through growing their love old together and for showing me what real love looks like in the face of very hard times.

Anyway, so that’s the update friends. I’m exhausted and am headed to the batting cages tonight to hit the crap out of some fast pitch softballs. Until then… look below & you’ll see my beautiful grandparents. (Sprinkled with sisters & parents)

Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying.

<-- Grandma and Grandpa

Laura and Grandpa at cousin's wedding ---->

Every good and perfect gift...

2008-10-04T00:49:00.000-04:00

Well, life is funny huh? You can hear things three thousand times, try and take it as your own, recognize it for what it is, and then only in precious moments of revelation you finally "get it". (or at least as much as you will at that time)

I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense, but I'm going to make efforts to explain. So you always hear (I think because its in the Bible) that "every good and perfect gift is from above". We hear that and know "yes- we must thank God for everything". But it goes WAY deeper than that.

Today I was thinking about certain things, "good things", undeserved blessings, and how that changes my life. Be it people, situations, things, etc. I thought "I wonder why xyz" And then you think "OH - its b/c of that or this".

So, if we walk in that direction we are recognizing that thing, or person, or situation as being what alleviates a problem, or helps in a circumstance. Although money bails you out of jail who provided the money? Are you following me yet? :) I know this is a small nugget of truth God gave me last night and reminded me again through a few different circumstances the truth of this.

God provided that money to bail you out; that car to get you to work; that roof over your house. So although the roof kept the rain out- don't praise the roof. Praise God for giving you the roof. Although the friend was there so that you could cry on their shoulder - don't praise the friend (I mean thank them, but don't worship them). Worship God who gave you that marvelous gift.

Anyway, this profound truth (perhaps just to me) really struck me. So although I am thankful for all these people and things, and I would say so to them - ultimately "every good and perfect gift is from above" - so it was God who bailed me out, it was God's shoulder that I cried on.

I know its 1am. I know I'm tired. But it made sense in my head and I hope it struck a chord with you.

Thanking Jehovah-Jireh, my provider....

Katie

Heavy laden & Sweet goodbyes

2008-09-28T18:45:00.000-04:00

HEAVY LADEN:

As I sat down to write my chest felt like it was sinking in. I starting to say "I don't know where to start", and then I was going to describe how I felt. Weary would work, but not it. Scared too, but still not hitting the mark. And then finally, I noticed the pain in my chest. I was going to say "It feels like that dentist vest you have to wear when getting x-rays."

"Heavy"... "Heavy Laden." When those two words in combination hit my lips, tears began to roll down my face. It then went from quiet tears close to a sob. "Why Jesus? Why I am heavy laden? What does that mean?" I still don't have the answers... I just realized this. But what I can tell you is what I discovered through dictionary.com.

Laden means: burdened; loaded down
Lade means:

1.	to put (something) on or in, as a burden, load, or cargo

2.	to load oppressively;

Looking at those descriptions I see two things.

One being that I am loaded down... not necessarily by choice, but circumstances around me have "laden" me. The other being that I have done it to myself. "To put something, a burden or load on myself". I would venture a guess, and say that all lades are oppressively loaded. In addition, I would say that part of this laden, is inflicted by me, and part by circumstances uncontrollable.

If you're still with me, good for you, if not- sorry but I'm going to keep going so I can process.

I am heavy laden. I think thats ok. God allows for the weary and the heavy laden to exist. He mentions those are who are just that.... "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." If you read my previous blog you would see that God had given me the word "Rest" to soak in on Friday. Perhaps he was preparing me for this moment. So that I would know, to wait silently on God, and I will find rest. He is coming, and has come. He is with me. Emmanuel. He offers me peace. I just need Him to take off this dentist vest.

What is so amazing, as I continually point out as God pulls things together, is that He works all things together for the good & He is never without a teachable moment. (as we called them at KAA)

As I looked up Matthew 11:28, the verse mentioned above, I realized what comes next. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have been praying through this scripture for at least a year now- to learn what it means to take His yoke upon me & learn from Him. Praise Jesus that His yoke is easy and that His burden is light.

Obviously there is a lot brewing in my heart, all of which I won't divulge in such a "public" place, but I am thankful that He offers me that peace. We got home from Plymouth (story below) last night at midnight. I stayed at my parents, and drove up to my friend Heather's this morning to drive down to our "Unity service" for Common Ground. We have two locations- one on the west side, and midtown. So every once and a while we'll all gather as one community. It was B-E-A-UTIFUL today friends. I worshiped my socks off with "Great is thy faithfulness" "Jesus Lord of Heaven" "How Great is Our God" "Majesty" "God of this city" and more. It was restoring me to a place where I was remembering who my God is. (Like I should EVER forget right?)

Then today wrapped up the 4 week series about "church". Not just CG, but church in general. Jeff talked about Jesus, His ministry, and what it looked like for the disciples to leave all their fish, trust Jesus, and follow Him. (I would imagine they had to "take His yoke upon them, and learn the new way of life - with Jesus). So... what does that look like for me, right now, where I am? What am I not willing to leave behind to follow Him and enter into this way of life fully? Thats for God to say and by His grace for me to hear.

Anyway, so much just flooded my heart. Onto this weekend...

SWEET GOODBYES:

Yesterday I was at Indiana Sports Corp, Corporate Challenge. They happen to be my client, and our team, MediaSauce, always wins the spirit award. (thats just a side note b/c we don't win anything else) So needless to say, I was enjoying myself yesterday. I had the best run of my life. I won a bet with my boss. I was flying high.

And then I checked my phone. As you may know we've been "in the waiting" with Grandpa Umbaugh. I received calls and texts (yes texts- but from my dad) yesterday morning asking that we go up to see Grandpa again. So, Anna, Lydia, and myself left late yesterday afternoon. (Laura went up today)

When we arrived we saw relatives we hadn't seen in years, which was a blessing. But that was not the most significant part. When I walked in the room at the nursing home my sweet Grandfather was lying in his bed, with Grandma in a chair beside him, holding his hand and rubbing his arm. My grandpa doesn't open his eyes much, and things are slowly shutting down. However, God had a nugget of surprise.

I sat there and held his hand, spoke closely in his ear memories of times past; Laura running around in a diaper, fishing in Wisconsin, nicknames of the four of us. He remembered. He smiled. He laughed. He called "Goatie" (Anna) a poop. At one point the bed shook from someone getting up from sitting on it & his eyes opened. In that moment our eyes met- and I said "HI GRANDPA!" He responded "Hi sweetie. You're such a sweetheart." As as we left, we hugged him goodbye. We gave him kisses. We told him we loved him, and said he said to me "I love you too sweetheart. Take care of yourself."

I'll never forget what a wise soul once said ... "Tears are a gift". I love that. And God seemed to have blessed me with extra. And so, today, I am heavy laden. Not just because of Grandpa, but he has a lot to do with it. I am being formed, and it hurts. I want to follow, and I'm not sure I am. I want to be used, so I need to surrender.

A friend keeps reminding me (whether he means to or not) that praise brings it all back. It did for me today. It takes the "I" out of those statements, and things happen because God wants them too. Praise reminded me of the power of my God. It reminded me that His ways are better than mine. It reminded me that He loves me deeply.

Anyway, thanks for reading ... and allowing this to be a place where I can tell you about Jesus.

Joyfully HIS,
Katie

God is in the waiting...

2008-09-25T22:32:00.000-04:00

Oh waiting. Its one of my least favorite things, and yet, God continues to impress upon my heart that He is there, in the waiting.

I guess if you're waiting you have to ask for what, right? You're waiting for the car in front of you to go the speed limit. You're waiting for a sign or an answer or direction. You're waiting for God to heal, or for God to take someone home.

Today I was waiting in all of those circumstances. I don't know about this whole patience thing- I mean I know its a virtue, but really... come on...

My Grandfather, my dads dad, was recently taken off his pace maker and his defibrillator. His heart was being "shocked" a couple times a day and it seemed best for his health to take them off. So Grandpa is going "all natural". He is the Grandfather that we got to see just a couple weeks ago. (see last blog) Apparently that was his last "good day". He played the sax, ate fried chicken, and remembered us. I am so thankful to have that memory of my Grandpa. I love him and already miss him.

Really its pretty cool. His memory was gone, and came back a little for a few precious moments. My father has been sleeping on the floor in the nursing home, with my Grandma in a recliner next to my Grandfather in his bed. They took those things off on Monday.

They anticipated Grandpa going "home" on Monday night. However, here we are, Thursday night at 10:45, and he is still here. I do not believe this is a coincidence or really if those exist. God, in His grace, perfect timing, and His mercy has kept Grandpa with us. He has graciously given us these days for a good reason. So, as I get ready for bed tonight, not knowing if my Grandpa will make it through, I rest assured knowing that God will take Him home in His good timing.

And so, we wait...

Oddly enough I am seeking some direction in areas of my life. (go figure right? The ever restless heart of mine) After I read about Moses killing an Egyptian, and marrying someone... and God taking what was meant for evil and using it for good... I made efforts to allow God to speak. As I felt the word "rest" fall on me, Psalm 62 came to mind. I remember this used to be my favorite Pslam because of the "rest" factor.

However, the word "wait" is what was more prominent today. Why? Because I read out of a NASB now instead of an NIV. NIV is covered with the word rest, and NASB talks of waiting. For me, that paints such a different picture. I suppose you should rest in the waiting- so you're not anxious about anything. Anyway, here is what God spoke to me today (keep in mind the blog theme)

Psalm 62:1-8

My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.
How long will you assail a man,
That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood;
They bless with their mouth,
But inwardly they curse. Selah.
My soul,wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Anyway, I guess God gave me that word on waiting for Him today & I wanted to share it with you. Know that He is there, and that often times it takes faith to wait, to listen, and be patient. He is not slow concerning His promise, but not willing that any should perish.

Be encouraged. He hears your cry. He loves you deeply, tenderly, and more than life itself. He is on your side, don't fight against Him. Fight for Him and with Him. Help me love Him. Point me to Him.

Sleepily your's,
Katie

[again, if we listen, He is speaking and provides our daily bread - I'm not good at this. Listening requirings waiting and waiting requires patience.]

Grandpa and Me 2006 Thanksgiving

A sobering, humbling weekend

2008-09-08T22:29:00.000-04:00

God's grace is enough. It is enough to hold us. To get us through. It is enough for us to walk through the fire and not be burned, but come out more pure and ready to serve Him. His grace is enough.

Let me just run through the past weekend with you. This is not to feel bad for me in any way. I am thankful for the time I had this weekend, seeing the pain of others...allowing me, or reminding me, to be thankful for where I am; who is in my life; and the life that God has graciously given me.

Even as I think about it now my life comes with much responsibility."To whom much is given much is expected". Perhaps I'm not rich in the eyes of NFL players, politicians, "stars"... but those on the street, in the slum, or at the orphanage I have much. With that said...

FRIDAY:
On Friday night I had the privilege to volunteer for a benefit concert, hosted at Common Ground. (my place of worship) It was free, but there were t-shirts, and bands playing, to raise awareness and couple bucks for the worthy cause. "Whats the cause Katie?" You ask. Its Love146. I'm not sure if you're familiar with what is happening in the world today with sex slavery but it is outrageous. My eyes are being opened to this wretched situation that exists around the world, and has for decades, maybe even centuries. My heart breaks for those existing in it- for it is a life, at 8 years old I can't imagine.

The good news is Love 146 is doing something about it. Please check them out. Become aware. The shear fact of you just knowing about it is helping.

SATURDAY:
This is something I hadn't prepared myself for. If you read a few blogs ago, I mention Leslie, Tyson, and Tj. Leslie is one of Anna's best friends, who recently, went home to Jesus. Cancer was the assassin, but Jesus is her savior.

Anyway, the fam went up to Bolingbrook, IL for it. Lyd unfortunately couldn't make it. But Laura and I left saturday morning. On the way up we shared our hearts, we shared laughter, and hours later we shared tears. As I sat in the auditorium of the high school, listened to my sister sing "In Better Hands Now", grasping the finality of that, the victory of that, I was humbled.

Following her song, Tyson (Leslie's husband), took the stage with his church's worship band. We praised God together. We praised Him in the storm. We thanked Him and recognized Him for who He is. All led by a broken and hurting man. It was the most beautiful picture of God's redemption. He is redeeming Tyson. He HAS redeemed Leslie- she is home. She crossed the finish line. And I can't begin to tell you the lives that this warrior family has touched.

They said that their blog was read in over 70 countries. Over 100,000 readers have seen it. By their blog alone, by one families trial, by one family's faith & willingness to share, God has opened the eyes of thousands.

Tyson continues a blog here. Please pray for them. Now that the memorial services are over, a deeper sorrow will probably set it. The finality of her being gone. The truth that he won't get to see hundreds of people every weekend to talk about his wife. Please pray for Him.

SUNDAY:
Following the events in Illinois, we had one more stop to make. With continuous laughter from Laura and myself we journeyed on to Plymouth, Indiana. A place filled with so many memories. We ate, of course, at the local Pizza Hut.

Now, this trip wasn't to just see the Grandparents. We received a warning last week that my grandfather isn't well. He is my Father's dad. He is awesome you guys. If you met him you would love him instantly. He is JUST like my dad, only a little taller. He was in the navy. He loves Jesus. And he loves my Grandma.

He was doing ok when we saw him. I am thankful we made the trip. We also got to see my mom's mom. But really, as I watched my grandma lean on my grandpa. As I watched her say goodbye because they can't live together anymore (after over 60 or 70 years) my heart broke. This is life. All roads lead here. Or the lead to leaving earlier. But they do end eventually.

I told Laura she should have brought Brandt to the nursing home so that he would get a picture of what long lasting, steadfast, love looks like in the face of Alzheimer's, broken hips, and memory loss.

And so I return. I return to Broadipple. I return to my singlehood. I return to my 25 year old, relatively healthy, body. I don't have cancer. I am free from sex slavery. I'm not in a wheel chair. I am thankful for the breath I am breathing now.

It is important now that I take what I saw this weekend to my heart, but also use it to change my days. To keep perspective. To change who I live for. They live for God. Leslie lived & died for her savior, and mine, Jesus Christ. Why would I not do the same? For this life is but a breath. I pray as I exhale one day I will see the faces of those I've loved, those who have loved me, and the moments when I obeyed, followed, and loved my Jesus well. And through that- lived my life to the fullest.

The Pit & A New Song

2008-09-01T00:44:00.000-04:00

What is so beautiful about God? Besides the obvious majesty, power, love, etc., He is able to redeem... even a wretch like me.

Just 2 minutes ago I began to type a blog, regarding "the pit". If you're familiar with God's word you are probably familiar with the "pit". This pit being what I've felt like I am in. I have heard sermons preached on it, taught it in Sunday school, seen people fall in what I thought it was, and talked about it in Bible studies.

However, lately, my outcry to the Lord is one of desperation. I am requesting redemption from this slump I'm in. Its not as if I have turned my back on God, or I'm not spending time with Him, and neglecting His word. But rather just the opposite. I am filling my life with praise music, seeking Him more, and being diligent in the Word.

Which brings me to another point... as I was brushing my teeth I thought "Abba, if I turned every worry, every thought about the future, every concern, into a prayer- I would be in a much better state than I am now.

Anyway, back at the ranch - the pit. So I knew the Bible discusses this pit, and typically when I share with you (my sometimes existent blog readers) I like to share where the scripture comes from. Thankfully God often writes it on my heart, however, due to painful memory loss I have a hard time knowing where on earth it is. So I went to our good resource "www.biblegateway.com" to find it. No sir- the "pit" was only found in Genesis & Exodus. I knew it was somewhere in the Psalms. I gave up. I almost didn't write a blog tonight.

Then I thought "He put a new song in my heart". Because that is what I am longing for I thought I could share that nugget of hope with you. Unbeknown est to me God has wisdom in this thought flow. As I googled it, the praise song came up, and then a Christian blog. The blog that came up covered Pslam 40. Are you ready?

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

I cannot express to you the pertinence of this scripture in my heart tonight. For a couple weeks I have realized my distrust in God. I have prayed that my feet would be firmly planted in Him. Do you see what I see? God just brought it full circle, in one scripture, I haven't read recently by my desire to write a blog. Tears rolled down my cheeks when I saw that it was all there. As I spent time with Him this morning- He reminded me "Remember My faithfulness Katie".

He is so faithful. So trustworthy. So good. Pray for me. Pray that I would trust the only truly trustworthy being. The God of the universe. The God of my salvation. The God of my heart.

I pray that you are encouraged to spend time with Him. Remember Him. For He never forgets you.

Love your not so faithful blog writer,
Katie

A forward...Powerful Womans Motto

2008-08-16T17:17:00.000-04:00

I'm sure if you're reading a blog you are updated on recent technologies. For years you have been checking email, from AOL, to yahoo, and now probably on to gmail. Well, my mom hasn't been so updated.

For quite a few years we've helped her turn on the computer, open up Microsite Word, and print. Recently she has figured out how to turn on the computer, type in Word, and print for herself. Of course the most recent venture is email. Oh ... this has been a big one. But I think she is getting the swing of things on gmail, and is learning how to work "g-chat".

Anyway, I opened up my email at work the other day and saw an email from "Barb Umbaugh". The subject line was "FWD: Fw: Powerful Womans Motto". So naturally I skip it. I made announcement in the office that my mom just learned how to email & is sending me forwards. And of course the wide response was 'OOOOHHHHHH NO"! :) I love my mom.

So today I come over to my parents and mom asks if I read it. I explain the culture of email and the typical reaction people have when seeing there is a forward in their inbox. So she was trying to find it, couldn't, so I logged on and grabbed it. Turns out I really should've read it when she sent it to me because I needed it. But it will now be my motto!

Powerful Women's Motto:
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says... "Oh crap....she's awake!!"

The War is Over...

2008-07-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

I wrote the following blog last night when I found out that Leslie went home to Jesus. I just finished reading Tyson's blog.
I would say, at this moment, I am grieving more than I was last night. When Sarah died I was told grief comes in waves. On Tuesday night, on my knees before the Throne of God, I was battling for Leslie. During my prayers I saw a picture of a wave coming over my family, remembered those words about grief, knowing that Leslie would bring the next wave. I don't mean that in a bad way, but certainly you can understand that grief comes in waves... as do the "good" and "bad" times of life. The beautiful thing about belonging to a God who defies all "logic", there is "good" in what we consider "bad". There is hope in what we consider death.

Anna was telling me last week that Tj's (Leslie & Tyson's son), favorite song is "Mighty To Save". I personally loved that song, so to know a 2 year old knew every word I was 1. impressed and 2. thankful - that God chose that song to give Tj a love for. The words are filled with hope. "Savior. He can move the mountains. Our God is mighty to save."

In my moment of wonderment as Anna told me about that, I forgot some of the words. Today at church we worshiped, asked for forgiveness, and generally let the Spirit move us. The last song we sang today was "Mighty to Save".... and I began to cry as I pictured little Tj singing such a powerful truth - and the words sang over me like a blanket of peace...

HE ROSE AND CONQUERED THE GRAVE. JESUS CONQUERED THE GRAVE!

So with that, as tears continue to roll down my cheeks, I am thankful for Leslie's life, Tyson's life, and Tj's life. All three have ministered greatly to me, and I hope you too. Pray for them with me down the road ahead. And here is my blog post about the end of Leslie's war...

The war is over but she left footprints. The Lord used, and continues to use, Leslie in other's lives. She has touched me more deeply than most in my life. Through their blog I have been blessed enough to stay on top of their lives. Through prayer God has built a giant love for their family. Tj was the first baby I really took a liking to, and Leslie let me babysit. :)

Not only did Leslie touch my life, but she touched Anna's deeply. I believe they were kindred spirits. As Tyson mentioned to Anna they "speak their own language".

I guess things just move faster than anticipated. Tonight Leslie flew home to be with our Maker, Redeemer, and Lord. She is shouting joyfully for she has made it home... to a home we have yet to know but by abundant peace in the Spirit- we can "only imagine." There is no more battle. There is no more waging war. Because of Jesus... Leslie won. The war is over and she got to go home.

Of course after every battle, every war, there is damage. In the heat of battle there is a quake left, lives impacted, and hurting hearts. The end of this war is no different. Leslie leaves a 2 year old son (almost three) and a loving husband. The battle, and war, is not yet over for them. Because of the wounds left on these two soldiers, the "Healer" the "Doctor" must come. I pray for this tonight over Tyson and Tj... and the rest of Leslie's close family and friends... and everyone she touched. That as they sleep, and approach the thrown of grace, that in the midst of their hurt, their pain, and the long road of healing ahead of them... that they can thank the God who created Leslie to begin with. Thank God, who loves Leslie more than they ever could. And thank God that Leslie is healed, made whole, and sits in the arms of the Almighty, Eternal, Everlasting, Loving, God.

Tonight I thank God that He is Emmanuel. That He is with us. That in those precious moments in the hospital, that they were filled with the peace of God as He took her home, but remained with them. I thank God for His power. I thank God for His love. I thank God that she breaths easy in Heaven right now - and that she unites with my big sister until I see them again.

I long for that day. May I live, every day, for Jesus. Because God lived everyday so that He could die for me... God give me the strength to live every day so that I can die for You. Like Sarah did. Like Leslie did. Spread a blanket of peace now...

In Jesus Name,
Amen

The War

2008-07-23T23:00:00.000-04:00

In our language (the American English language) we tend to toss around the word "battling" a lot; usually related to sickness. "I'm battling a cold" "I'm battling this cough" "I'm battling cancer"

I have encountered these battles; whether I have gone through them or those close to me have. More recently a friend (view their blog), I've mentioned before, has undergone a serious battle. One in which she didn't ask for, but nonetheless is fighting. She has cancer. It went from her sinus and is now surrounding her lungs. After extensive surgeries, forehead replacement, Leslie and her husband and son are certainly warriors in this battle.

For those of you who don't know Leslie is my sister Anna's kindred spirit. They met years ago and instantly became friends. Leslie has been a rock for Anna, and the roles have switched. Anna's pain from losing our sister Sarah at the point of her cancer spreading to her lungs, is surfacing through Leslie's battle, and is now a battle for her as well. She aches for her dear friend, and has asked me to pray.

I thought - why not take it one step further- there is a world of prayers out there. Across the globe. I would ask that you would pray.

Dictionary.com describes a battle like so: a hostile encounter or engagement between opposing military forces

This would insinuate that there are teams, or forces, fighting against one another. And typically a battle is part of a war. So in Leslie's case, in your case, who is your force and what is the war?

I believe we have the opportunity to join forces with Leslie in her battle against cancer; while not losing focus of the war that is raging around us. For the battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph 6)... however we can continually pray for one another and our voices will be heard. God exists on earth, it is a matter if we recognize His presence, and ask for His power believing that He is able.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Daniel 3)- they were asked to denounce the Lord. The said no, throw us into the flames, and we know our God CAN save us... but even if He doesn't, we still won't bow down to your god. So what happened? They were thrown into the flames.... in the dungeon. There was a battle. As they were in the "heat" of the battle (no pun intended) a dude, a guard perhaps, saw not three men in that dungeon walking around (in the flames mind you) but FOUR. (i.e. JESUS) Praise God right? EMMANUEL. But remember, they said "But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

So, lets press forward knowing the victory is in Jesus. He died on the cross that we might have eternal life- so we don't get caught up in the temporary, but live for things eternal. The battles are here, lets fight them, knowing the victory (OVER DEATH) is won. Participate with me in fighting with one another... victories are won in Jesus daily if we fight for THAT force, and not our flesh.

I plead with you - fight the fight for Leslie. Pray for her, pray for the Body of Christ around the world, and pray. Just pray. God is with you. He is listening. He is speaking, if we only let Him!

The Lord talks about these battles, or trials...

"when you will face trials of many kind" (James 1:2)

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. " (Eph 6:10)

And... he talks about fighting.
"Fight the good fight of the faith." (1 Tim 6:12)

And the armor:
"Therefore put on the full armor of God, ... "(Eph 6:13-18)

And from our friend Oswald Chambers... a word on victory.

A humbled heart

2008-06-10T23:22:00.000-04:00

25

A number seemingly insignificant. The big ones are usually 16, 21, 30, 40, 50, etc. But for me 25 was really significant. I'm not sure what it is about my birthday but I love this day. Not in a way that I get to celebrate me, but I am so humbled by the overwhelming communication received.

Even if some are just simply facebook wall posts... someone took the time to see it was my birthday, go to my page, and wish me a happy birthday. 25- seemingly no big deal.

Today was beautiful in so many ways. Starting at 8am the text messages starting rolling in. I received phone calls pretty steadily throughout the day and tonight was dinner with my family. When I got back from our seminar this morning, that MediaSauce was hosting, my mom dropped off the most beautiful flowers! Filled with Lillys and roses... making my office smell lovely. Ahhh...

Then, I went out to lunch to my favorite (When Eddie Met Salad), then Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee, then work. Then at work they surprised me with a card signed by all and a cake- in which they gathered up the troops and they all sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It just meant a lot to me - that a few people went out of their way to make this day so special to me.

At dinner my family surprised me with a restaurant I had never been before- and they had sweet potato fries. wowza. They were good! And then the gifts...I won't go into it, but I feel undeserving and thankful. Laura pleaded with me that I not feel guilty; that the gifts are an expression of their love for me. Well I feel loved!

When I got home tonight there was a gift in the mail from my friend Ashley- out in CA. It is her favorite classic novel and I can't wait to dive into it.

So many kind words today. So many humbling moments. I just want to give glory to God for such a tremendous day. I love Him so much, and as asked, I will give as I have received. May this be the desire and action of my heart. As He allows me to receive good gifts, may He equip me with the same heart to give.

So I wanted to thank you. I'm sure in some way you played a part. Thank you for the cards, the calls, the gifts, the texts, and yes even the facebook messages and wall posts. They all meant the world to me. On this one day, God has given me a tiny glimpse of how much He loves me. I pray that we will all get to feel this at some point in our lives. You gave me a bigger gift than I could've asked for- I felt loved. It wasn't about money, cakes, or food. You rallied around me. You wished me a happy birthday. You were glad I, little 'ol me, was born. Thank you. Thank you for loving me so well.

From the whole of my heart,
Katie

A Kahuna

2008-05-29T17:21:00.000-04:00

My thoughts have been overflowing. I was sitting on a plane last night coming home from Florida missing my blog. I was hand writing an enormous thought and processing and I needed you dear blog.

Anyway, alas, I am at my computer once again. This won't be the kahuna- that will come tonight or tomorrow. But I did want to share something cool with you. I'm reading "Irresistible Revolution", sweet book by the way, but its really stretching my brain. Still not my point - in it - he mentions a company that after coming to know the Lord, they wanted to remain in the same vocation but now everything is fair trade.

So if you want to propose (make sure I would say yes first) and then buy the ring from: CRED

I found the website when I returned to my computer. They are out of the UK, I believe retailers are in London, but they make beautiful jewelry and a beautiful statement. They stand for something bigger and are standing against blood diamonds and that rotten industry. I'm not sure if you've seen the movie "Blood Diamond" - but that isn't far from the truth. In fact isn't it based off a true story?

It is something I have become intrigued with, and wanted to spread the good news! So check out CRED.

Support their mission with me.

A Call for Prayer...

2008-05-10T20:33:00.000-04:00

I know I know- I could write one every day. This world is in so much need- every human has a reason to call upon the Almighty. Today, I am asking that you call upon Him for our friend Leslie.

She has cancer. She had it in her sinus, and it is now in her lungs making it difficult to breath. There is quite in bit in there, and they aren't sure as to the procedures they are going to take yet. It hits home, having lost Sarah to lung cancer- we are claiming victory through Jesus Christ for her life. She is married to Godly man, Tyson, and has a beautiful 2(I think) year old son named Tj. I weep with them - and I ask that you pray too.

Please read their blog. (especially the most recent) It will move your heart to worship through tears.

I read about Moses this morning. I read about God opening the red sea, closing it, swallowing the Egyptians, putting them into "confusion", the plagues, and the VICTORY through God that the Israelites received. That is what I claim for Leslie, Tyson, and Tj.

Lovingly yours,
Katie

A word from my dad...

2008-05-07T21:48:00.000-04:00

So, this year I am hosting mother's day. Our typical hosting places (Mom & Anna's) - should not be occupied on this day due to the fact that it's their day!

So- I sent an email to the non-moms asking about food, and Sunday's extravaganza...I asked about food, Laura said she could make some cheesy potatoes, and I mentioned to dad that he said grilling and I asked if I should get some meat and then in response I get this awesome message from my dad. Quick, short, and to the point:

"I have tons of meat. I have propane. I have skills. We can talk. I got it covered. I love you. You are special! Love Daddy."

I thought the response was so good I HAD to post it. My dad makes me smile, and has really been helping me keep a good perspective lately. I love him a lot & wanted to share! I hope you enjoyed his response.

Passions ignited

2008-04-28T16:28:00.000-04:00

God is everywhere. He is a God of the nations, and miraculously became the God of my heart - by no small sacrifice on His part.

I say this because He has ignited my passions again. He has brought my heart back to a continent I love like my own, and has set a fire in me for the people of Africa which can not be quenched.

A couple years ago, I was talking about what I did in Kenya, and how I loved those people and what I desire to see happen in those programs. One lady said how she didn't see why people go to other countries to help those people when we have so many hurting here. At the time I had nothing to say in response. However, since, I have been enveloped in an amazing group of people through my church. I am seeing more and more people's gifting and passions work for the full body. I don't believe everyone has to have the exact same passions, and gifts. We are the body of Christ; one body made up of many members. (1 Cor 12:12)

All that to say - my heart is for people here but it is also for people in Africa. I am praying about how to be more involved on a regular basis. There is a really neat organization call Blood:Water Mission. You should check it out.

They are a solid organization doing great things in the continent of Africa. I thought I would let you see a little bit of whats going on over there. I like to throw you cool stuff I find in hopes that it will inspire, encourage, break you, or just inform if you didn't know.

For me, when I see things like this, it is cause to worship. There are so many out there doing good things. Lets rally behind them. Join them to BE witnesses. As so simply stated at church on Sunday, people's last words are very important. Jesus' last words were this:

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:7-8)

All I want is to BE His witness. To go to the ends of the earth - no matter where that is.

At the bottom of my previous post, there is a journal entry... I just stumbled on it, and it reminds me again of where I am now. Check it out- longing.

3 years ago...

2008-04-09T22:55:00.001-04:00

3 years ago I didn't know that my sister would be gone in less than 24 hours. 3 years ago I was falling asleep in my bed, in my town house, in Bloomington. 3 years ago I was still grieving the loss of a friend in war. 3 years I had no idea what it was like to say goodbye- for good.

3 years ago and 3 hours I would know what its like to get the call "The doctor said it will be less than 24 hours.
3 years ago and 3.5 hours I would know what its like to drive 4 of us to the Carmel St.V's knowing that we were racing against the clock to say goodbye to our sister - trying to stay on the road.
3 years ago and 12 hours I would know what its like to be waiting for the inevitable. I would know what it was like for people to come and say their goodbyes. To apologize and make right hurt feelings and relationships.
3 years ago and 14 hours I would know what it was like to begin to wish to see your very own sister go to heaven instead of seeing her face the pain she is in.
3 years ago and 20 hours I would know what it was like to watch machines be turned off because that part of her God given body was no longer working. I would know what it was like to feel a hot hand go cold.
3 years ago and 20.5 hours I would know what it was like to see the mountains the heart monitor made, turn into a flat road.
3 years ago and 1 day I would lie in my bed hating that I had to leave her empty body at the hospital... crying from deep within me - from a place I didn't know existed - not knowing how to pray just continually crying out "God - Oh God".
3 years ago and 2 days I knew what it was like to begin to plan your sister's funeral. Help write her eulogy. I knew what it was like to receive cards, flowers, phone calls, and emails continually saying "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you".
3 years ago and 3 days I would know what it was like to somehow go to the mall and figure out what to wear to your big sister's funeral. Learning how to eat when you weren't really hungry- trying not to cry at the drop of a hat.
3 years ago and 4 days I would learn what it was like to see my big sister, lifeless, in a casket. I would know what it was like to see friends come out of the wood work - maybe they didn't know Sarah but they knew me and that was enough.
3 years ago and 5 days I would know what it was like to stand up in front of hundreds of people and say my last words about my sister I knew for 21 years. I would know what it was like to watch my sister's body get buried in the ground, knowing her soul - herself - was in heaven.
3 years ago I had no idea what was about to happen in 2 hours... and now, here i sit - having not seen my sister in 3 years. It is with tears I write and ache for her. I still can't believe this happened to us; and yet God has already gotten me through 3 years. I have experienced a lot in the 3 years Sarah's been gone. And that makes me sad to know she doesn't know some of my friends. She doesn't know about KAA. She doesn't know about Kenya.

But I guess it doesn't matter anyway - because I know what shes been doing the past 3 years. And the best part is, she doesn't have to come back to this sinful world - full of death, loss, heartbreak, hunger, tears, etc, But I get to go where she is, and where my Father is, waiting for me. I get to run on the streets of gold and worship God as I was made to. That is the day I long for.

So while these 3 years have been far from easy, and however many I have left to live... I anxiously await my time with my sister where there will be no heart monitors, no sin, no guilt, no shame, no regret...I long I ache I crave that day.

FROM ANNA'S WEDDING: Julie, Liza, Lydia, Me, & Sarah

HE IS RISEN

2008-03-23T11:49:00.000-04:00

HE IS RISEN INDEED!

What a glorious day we celebrate today. EASTER. Jesus' rising from the dead. Doesn't that cry out a hallelujah in your soul? If it doesn't - you're missing out.

I wanted to write again because today at church I was overcome by the gift it is to have assurance of salvation. But more than that, to know one who loves me as much as God does. I know most of you are familiar with John 3:16 "God so loved the world, that He gave His only son..." Its almost as if we've allowed that verse to be watered down. We've heard it so many times. On signs, on bags from stores, on cars, and maybe even on a t-shirt. But if you take it apart and allow your mind to marinate on it you'll be astonished and blown away by the power behind it.

God - the infinite, holy, unparalleled, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, creator the universe, creator of YOU, righteous, just, all-knowing, mighty, Emmanuel, Great I am, Prince of Peace, Living God, Ancient of Days, Alpha, Omega, Messiah, Loving GOD.

HE had a Son, and sent Him to die. FOR YOU. And for me! That is love my friends. A love that is only known by Him, through Him, and for Him. After death, comes life. And that life is what we celebrate today. Amen?

Man... after singing one of my all time favorite worship songs today "Sing to the King" I thought I would lose my voice, that my feet would never stop moving, that my arms couldn't get high enough, and surely my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.

For His returning we watch and we pray
We will be ready the dawn of that day
We’ll join in singing with all the redeemed
‘Cause Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King

That is the truth that we can cling to. That is the absolute steadfast truth that will never change. And that hope only comes through knowing the God of the universe.

Ya'll - I am thankful that Jesus is my God. There is so much more to live for, and death isn't death. It is "falling asleep in Jesus". I pray that today you will know this hope - and if you don't that you would inquire about it. Pick up a Bible, start in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John and you'll have a good picture of what I'm talking about.

He is risen - He is risen indeed. Lets celebrate.

Love,
A daughter of the King

World News Coverage

2008-03-22T01:04:00.000-04:00

Here is a thought provoking video. Afterwards, consider researching, traveling, and praying about how you can get involved in the world at large. God is bigger than the USA.

via videosift.com

The hope of a game...

2008-03-22T00:10:00.001-04:00

Still as I sit and typed I'm bummed. I watch the Hoosiers every year in hope of some amazing dash to the NCAA finals. A flash back of 2002. But no such luck. Its been a rough year for the Hoosiers. I've heard a lot through friends who are close with the team. I've heard about some struggles, the need of God, the need of hope, and still, they get hit. Losing their coach had to be the biggest one. It was obvious on the court the outcome of such a loss.

Well... for me, this week, was a tough one. I won't go into details. I'll save the WORLD wide web from all my personal info, but I will say it wasn't easy. However, I don't look on my "hard" week as if I'm the only one. And really, compared to other weeks of life, this probably wouldn't even rank in the top 10. But nevertheless, I didn't just sail through. Point being, you ask? "Katie - why all this 'beating around the bush?' " I'll tell you why - the hope of a game!

Today is/was Good Friday. The day we celebrate the death of Jesus Christ. I tried to be conscience of what this day was, who it was we were celebrating, and what He came to do, and did. Through out the day I would grab a hold of my cross necklace I was given at my baptism. Remembering the sacrifice of Jesus. Thank Him, and make conscious efforts to rest in Him. But oh how I allowed myself to be swayed by the winds of life's storm. (deep - I know)

For real though - today just wasn't great. I haven't been so ready for a weekend. Then I had dinner with the roomies after work. That was nice. Then I went to watch those dearly beloved Indiana Hoosiers. I had been anticipating the game more this year than in year's past. I filled out brackets this year, watched the Hoosiers & followed their season. Really cheering for my boy DJ White. I also hadn't been in my community (my House Church) for a couple weeks. I just got back from Florida on Monday and missed a couple Wednesdays. Anxious to see them, I went to watch them game.

Boy were they in for a treat. I was SO grumpy. I kept watching the game in utter amazement that we just couldn't pull ahead. When people would offer me hope, I would shoot them down. It was as if my mind was set on the day ending badly- with a bad bracket and a bad game. Well both were accomplished. My hope, a good IU win, was gone. They lost.

So what happens next? I say goodbye to my friends, who I didn't even enjoy because of my mood, and walk out of the apartment. Immediately tears well up in my eyes. Thankfully that didn't happen there, but there was some deep stuff brewing. I really hadn't put my hope in Jesus. And really its not even an hour later I write this to you but there is a bigger peace. Although, tears could come a drop of a hat, and the issues that were on my mind before still are.

But the Holy Spirit has a way of "calling us out". Of saying "whoa nelly - that's where your hope is?" I mean, my hope really wasn't in the game, but it was almost as if I was subconsciously begging God "Please let IU. Please give me an up point". Alas - they didn't. But the song that continues to play in my head is "Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow." Praise the Lord, amen?! I do want IU to win - I'm still sad they didn't.

But when I think of things above, and not below, perspective changes. Circumstance may not change, and people may not change, but perspective can and really some days a different perspective, a different way of thinking about things, makes a world of difference.

And with that I bid you a happy Good Friday & a Happy Easter. In a day we'll celebrate His giving us life. Oh how awesome it is to be loved by Him. Help me soak that in. Help me keep things in perspective.

Baraka Kibau,
Katie

ps- things are still happening in Kenya. please keep praying. pray for peace to pass in the government and among the people.

pps- this is a pic from Florida. The trip was amazing & mom & I had a blast for about 5 days in Marco Island.

The Church in Kenya

2008-03-09T21:26:00.000-04:00

This is a cool video someone shared with me. I have yet to attempt to embed a video on my blog- but I thought I would give it a try. There is hope in Kenya, and its the presence of God. Join the globe in praying for Kenya.

Are you ready for update? I don't think you are.

2008-03-08T11:51:00.001-05:00

Wow has it been a while?! I have neglected you blog - and blog readers. I suppose instead of talking to you (the imaginary reader) I have had a lot of face to face interactions. Thankfully in the recent months I have begun to like coffee. Not not just a latte - but coffee. However, I'm not to black yet. It still needs cream and sugar. I say that because I have had "coffee" with many. Truly God has been blowing me away with His movement in and around my life.

With the recent happenings in Kenya (which are still proceeding - please continue your prayers) - He has given me opportunities to get involved. Really my involvement stretches to get others involved. I am working with my previous church in mobilizing the congregation to fast and pray, not only for Nairobi Chapel (their partnership church) but also Kenya as a whole. There is a lot of restoration that needs to occur, and violence still persists. However, I believe there is hope that is coming. Its just on the cusp, but perhaps people don't want to grab a whole of it just yet. It is the hope of Jesus Christ. He is driving out what satan has tried to do and He is bringing the people to Himself. This happens through the Body of Christ praying - globally!

Anyway- He is pointing me in new directions within the church I attend as well. We (some friends of mine) are making efforts to get this to the forefront of people's minds, and join in prayer as the Global Church - not just one congregation. Pretty cool stuff.

For a minute there it felt as if I was doing nothing to benefit those things in which I am most passionate about- and now it is overflowing!

I also have met a series of people who are involved with movements to make changes around the world - to really educate and bring awareness to things going on here (in the USA) and outside of our country. One that is particularly moving is "The SOLD Project".

You take 7 individuals with hearts ready to use their talents and expose a heart breaking situation happening in OUR world today! After watching the tailor, and hopefully someday the film, they have exposed me to a truth that has now impacted me and expanded my mind. I love that. I think awareness is key in our world today- and the more we can be aware of whats going on the less narrow minded we will be about situations, ways of thinking, etc. So hats of to "the sold project". I look forward to more things to come.

So really I am just excited to be meeting people with similar hearts for exposure, awareness, and hope. I am thankful & blessed by my friend Nancy- who introduced me to Katherine- both of which recommended me to Rachel. (who I am still looking forward to meeting) I am thankful for God satisfying my desire to be, to dream, to talk, to network. And I am pumped to see what God brings from these relationships. What a great and global God we serve. We are so blessed and unaware of His absolute presence and provision. I am humbled by His graceful and unending love; despite my lack of recognition to what He has done for me and for the world at large.

Its not always a bad thing to go beyond my wildest dreams & update you on the fam! First things first- my nephew is growing like a weed! He is the cutest thing in the world.Anna & Rob are doing well and fantastic parents. I keep saying how amazing it is to watch two people who waited to have kids until they were both ready. It really makes the experience all that more beautiful. Its awesome.

Lydia & Bob are well. Holding down the reigns on the young pup (however large he is) and learning to dwell in a new abode, that might not be all the comfortable. They are troopers and really growing well together and as individuals. Pretty cool peeps. "I think I'll keep them" :)

Laura & Brandt at this very moment are probably on a plane or boarding a cruise ship with other friends for SB2008! Lucky dogs. Wedding plans are going well though. When people as (as they inevitably do) "is it weird your little sister is getting married before you?" I just say "its not weird shes marrying Brandt- but yes, sometimes it is weird shes getting married." Not because its before me though- bu just because its Laura. And shes my baby sister.

Oh and the rents - how could i forget my ma & pa?! They are doing well. Enjoying every minute of being grandparents. They went to Hawaii in January. Dad caught an enormous Blue Marlin- it was 13 feet long - they were deep sea fishing. I would venture to say that was one of the best moments of his life. Like a dream come true. When I get a picture from him I'll post it. Pretty sweet.

I guess thats it. Almost 2 months since I've written... and really I've ventured beyond my blog little. I'm not faithful to you - ambiguous blog reader. However, if you would like to have coffee - I like it now! :)

unfaithfully your's via blog - but faithfully your's in person,
Katie

A Day of Birth

2008-01-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

Today marks what would have been my sister Sarah’s 29^th birthday. This morning I was thinking about all of her birthdays, and how we used to celebrate. If she were here we would probably be going to Benihana. She would have gotten the combo meal with shrimp & steak, eat one bite of salad, and most of her soup. Then we would have told them it was her birthday, they would have come out, we would sing, and then she would get a Polaroid photo taken with some crazy balloon hat on her head. She wouldn’t have been embarrassed – she would have soaked it up loving every minute. That’s what we would have done. But she isn’t here, so today I will go about my normal routine; whatever it is I do without Sarah being present. My head is filled with memories of her birthdays, but there are others who are filled with other memories more painful. No not her death- however painful it is to remember the hospital bed, us singing to her, praying with her, weeping over her… not those memories.

I thought of my mom. I thought about how she doesn’t immediately remember restaurants, hats, and songs; she remembers giving birth. She can remember Sarah, 29 years ago today, meeting her first child. She remembers Sarah’s first bath, Sarah’s first step, Sarah’s first word, Sarah’s first smile. She remembers Sarah’s first and last day of her life. Of course my dad too. That is something I cannot understand. That is a pain I can’t imagine feeling. So I pray for them today. I pray that they would see her in their dreams. I pray that they would be able to celebrate that 29 years ago they welcomed their first child into the world. And in a few months, they would be able to celebrate that they ushered that same child back into Heaven where she came from; 3 years ago. That is my prayer today. Pray with me.

Mom & Dad with Sarah Jane:

Continue praying...

2008-01-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Here are two more updates from those living in Kenya right now. Please read, and take serious consideration of praying for them on a consistent basis.

The good news is the violence has cooled and many businesses and parts of the country are getting back to normal. The bad news is that this is not the whole picture. If you just look a little below the surface or around the corner you will quickly find the real story going on in Kenya today. It is a bleak picture and one full of sadness. The nation is mourning as it is waking up to the realization that it is capable of such violence and hatred. Never did we believe that neighbors could turn on neighbors like they have. Is it possible that Kenyans could be capable of genocide? No one wants to believe it. Yet, there are reports of ethnic killings and mass hate emails and texts being spread around the country to dehumanize particular tribes. There are strong and clear divisions everywhere. People are very aware of people’s tribe and affiliation. Even to the level of aid responses, we were today being warned of sending the wrong tribe of Nationals into an area for fear of their own safety. There really is a sense of division.

Today is Saturday but when a crisis comes there are no weekends. Diane and I attended meeting after meeting today at the UN. Agencies, churches and individuals trying to help met to find some level of coordination. The reports coming in show upwards of 200,000 IDPs (internally displaced people). This means that 200,000 people that had homes and a sense of security a week ago today are on the street, looking for shelter, water and food. Nearly 300 have died from the police and army as well as from the ethnic violence. Reports of rape and robbery are climbing in the slums and everyone seems to be looking for an opportunity to act lawless. Shops that line the slums and various centers are being looted and often set on fire. Convoys that are trying to get food and supplies to the most hard hit areas are being blocked and looted. What makes things worse is that the issues Kenya is dealing with or not dealing with so well are now having an impact on the neighboring countries. Uganda is taking in refugees and suffering from a lack of fuel as Kenya is the pathway for the petrol/gas transport and no transport is moving. Almost all commercial transport has ceased so food and supplies going to Sudan, Somalia, Uganda, the Congo and other regions that have suffered humanitarian crises are now suffering more as their main port (Kenya’s Mombassa) has nearly shut down and the vehicles are not moving.

According to the UN’s World Food Program (WFP) there is enough food in the country for this crisis at the moment but people are starving because of not having access to the food. Just about 5 km from my house is a camp that has just started, Jamhuri Park. Tonight there are over 4000 people sleeping there and there are no tents or structures, little food but even less fuel to cook the food and water is becoming an issue.

The deeper issue in all of this is the ethnic tension. Even if there is a recount of the votes or a new election in a few month, it won’t fix this deep resentment felt by many of the tribes against the Kikuyu. Then, what if the fighting has stopped… Will people feel safe going home? Doubtfully. So, this becomes a long term response with immediate needs. Mostly we need prayers and God’s provision to lead us to the way of true reconciliation.

AND ANOTHER ASKING FOR PRAYER:

You have most likely read of the crisis facing Kenya, especially over the past one week. After an election whose results were rejected by the opposition, many parts of the country encountered pockets of violence that has left over 300 dead and 150,000 displaced people. Both the government and the opposition have accused each other of rigging in the presidential poll, and with lots of intervention from local and international peacemakers, are seeking amicable solutions to the ensuing impasse.

Many of you have written to ask after our welfare. We thank you for your prayers and concern. We fortunately live in the city in a neighborhood that has not been directly affected by the violence. We have kept safe by keeping our heads down. However, that does not diminish the pain we feel for many who have not been as fortunate. Keeping our heads down is probably not even the most godly solution to our situation right now, and we are seeking ways of becoming engaged—not in the politics, but in being salt and light and responding to the humanitarian crisis that faces our country today. Our hearts are heavy and we grieve the things we have seen, heard and felt.

I especially grieve for the youth who have mostly been used in the frontlines to fight the battles of politicians who are safely in their well guarded homes and travel in their bullet proof limos. Never before in our history have Satan’s lies been more visible as they are played out in the Kenyan arena. I feel the call even stronger now to be a frontline agent of instilling a Biblical Worldview that says, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Kenya will be saved because of the heart of God, working in and through his people. Africa will thrive in His Name!

Would you join us in prayer? I am here attaching items from the prayer bulletin of our church, Karura Community Church, for tomorrow’s worship services.

In Your Prayer Closet

Kenya is bleeding, the righteous must stand in the gap!

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive heir sin and will heal their land.”

(II Chronicles 7:14)

· Pray for an amicable solution to the Elections impasse. Pray that justice, truth and peace in Kenya will be served.

· Pray for Raila Odinga and Mwai Kibaki, the two men at the centre of Kenya’s pain.

· Pray for our fragile democracy, now threatened by an unsatisfactory election.

· Tribalism has shown itself to be a crisis in Kenya, one that is resulting in bloodshed. Sadly, even in the Church, even among its leaders, tribal allegiance seems to control our response to politics more than truth and righteousness does. Pray that we, the Church, a people whose nationality is one in the kingdom, will be a light to the rest of our countrymen. That love will not only be possible, but will predominate in our inter-ethnic relations.

· Pray concerning the ethnic violence, that it will stop; that the displaced will be able to return to their homes in peace. Pray that people throughout the country will be able to go about their business in peace.

· Pray for those who have lost loved ones through the violence of the last week. Pray also for those whose businesses and/or homes have been destroyed.

· Pray that fomenters of violence and murder will be stopped, and justice prevail.

Thank you.

Kenya Elections

2008-01-02T22:27:00.000-05:00

I would ask as you read this begin to lift up Kenya. As elections ended, and Kibaki won, there is rioting, looting, burning & killing happening throughout Kenya. What was a rather peaceful nation is in turmoil.

Please pray for peace in that nation. Pray for unity. Pray for the violence to cease.

Pray. Pray. Pray. God is in Kenya; living, active, and moving through the hearts of those people. Lets pray with faith knowing God is big enough to stop wars from starting and to bring peace.
[Psalm 29:10-11]

http://allafrica.com/kenya/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22460182/

Kenyan Newspapers:
The Standard
Daily Nation

A word from those in Kenya right now:

The violence in Nairobi is around the slums, and fortunately we live away from any. Every once in a while we will hear gun shots in the distance, but so far we would have had to go out to look for trouble in order to find it. We grieve for the hundreds hurt or killed and thousands displaced (we know a few of the latter) and cant wait for this madness to end. But God is good, even in these circumstances.

People want normalcy. The last two days we have been able to go out to visit friends and buy provisions. Stores were open and I even ran into traffic snarl-ups today. Please pray for the country as tomorrow, the opposition has insisted on calling a mass rally where the leader, Raila, will be “sworn in” in a civilian coup—a sure recipe for a violent confrontation.

Unfortunately, the youth are misused at times like this... gleefully take to the streets to kill, burn and loot. All the more need for the instilling of a biblical worldview in their lives...

We appreciate your prayers. The Christian leaders have called for a three day fast and prayer. Consider joining us if you can.

Restlessness...

2007-12-31T16:05:00.000-05:00

Will there be rest for my heart? I have found lately that I seem to be in a constant state of restlessness. Perhaps its discontentment coming out through restlessness, or is it that I am restless waiting for something to occur?

I ask questions because I don’t have the answers. So if you read those questions thinking “yeah- what are the answers?” I don’t have them for you. I wish I did. I wish I knew why humans, me especially, always seem ready for the next phase. But I wouldn't say this is a life-stage discontentment. I’m fine with being 24, working, single… but more along the lines of in this stage of life, am I doing what I should? Am I missing the still quiet voice of the Savior encouraging me to go in a particular direction – or even scarier – saying “stay”?

I don’t know. To be frank, I have no idea what God wants me to do. Possibly in my restlessness he wants me to rest- in Him; whether that means moving, staying, selling my car, going to other countries, or just being clueless but being ok with that. That could be the issue here. My “need” or really my want to know whats going on and what God will do in the next 6 months. Truthfully I have no clue what is in store, and don’t let me get away with saying I’m ok with it. Because the results are in, I am a discontented human who has a ridiculous want to know everything the God of the Universe does! Wow am I sinful. Thankfully I most assuredly have the Holy Spirit reminding me I am such, and despite my serious state of humanity- God loves me. He doesn’t just love a part of me, He loves me. All of me. And in my sin. That is the most incredible part.

So now, after reading this, you ask yourself, “Why would I need to know everything if I have a trustworthy God at the reigns?” The answer is, I have no idea. I wish I didn’t want to know. I wish I did just trust all the time. If I can trust him with my soul. My eternity. Why I don’t trust Him with tomorrow? Why don’t I think He will give me the desires in my heart? He isn’t out to get me, despite popular thought in my head. He loves me more than I love myself. Thus, He has decided to work out His will in my life. Which after the fact, I’m always thankful I didn’t know- because had I known I probably would have run- but after it all happens, whatever “it” is, I am thankful. And as I heard on Sunday, salvation always comes through suffering. That’s the way it happened for Jesus to purchase our salvation; and I can guarantee our present sufferings are NOTHING compared to His, and compared to what He has gained us through those sufferings.

So yes I am restless. Even at the end of this long flow of thought, I am still restless. I want to do more, go more places, live out passions, desires, hopes, and dreams. But before I get ahead of myself I have to remember, all of it is in vain if Jesus isn’t at the wheel. Amen?!

Dreams & Visions

2007-11-08T17:04:00.000-05:00

11.8.07

I realized it’s been a while since I’ve bared my soul on my blog. I suppose it’s a good thing really… nor a really bad thing. It could be a good thing because I’ve found people to bare my soul to instead of pen & paper. (or in this case – a keyboard and the internet) It could be bad because things have been bottled up and I haven’t be sharing at all. Which isn’t the case. So if you were worried, be encouraged, I’m not about to burst.

Although as of late a neat turn of events has taken place. No I’m not moving, pregnant, married, or quitting my job. But God has just had a special hand in new relationships, conversations, dreams, and visions.

As you may or may not know Mo, my “father” and boss from Kenya, was here a few weeks ago. I hesitate telling you this because dreams don’t always happen – but as a good friend pointed out visions do. THUS! – I am changing my wording to tell you I have a vision. Its been an interesting journey that is leading up to this point in my thought. I go through old journal entries, blogs (perhaps not posted) and it makes mention of what I’m about to tell you. [got to love cliff hangers]

I have a vision to bring awareness of the good things that are happening through non-profit organizations globally through telling their story through video and photography. I know; it’s ambitious huh? J But God is bigger than me, thankfully, and who knows what God will foster. It’s awesome to see how much MediaSauce has played in growing my dreams about what I could do in the future. How much they’ve taught. I am still excited to be here. I’m thinking this is like 10 years down the road. So no worries- I’m not door knocking for money yet. But I’ve been encouraged at how things are coming together in my head. How this vision acts to fulfill every thing I love to do- travel, creativity, non-profits, relationships, speaking, and raising funds and awareness for things I believe in! OH ITS BEAUTIFUL!

Ah… that is one of the things that is going on in my head and heart as of late. The next thing is relationships. I have a friend who recently had to say goodbye to her daddy. Her dad had cancer and is now enjoying his treasure in Heaven. If you recall my sister is doing the same thing this very moment; and this year in April it will be her 3 year anniversary.

We, this friend and I, have been talking about it, through it, and something that we chat about are those moments of just an outburst. It could be the smallest thing. For her it was a t-shirt. Today, for me, it was a dream. When I woke up I was sobbing. Before you read what I wrote this morning when I woke up, you need to know when we were in the hospital ICU room with Sarah 2 ½ years ago, she said she didn’t want to go to Heaven. I think partially because she knew we all would have so much heartache and pain, and partially because I would imagine death isn’t an easy thing to face. And so at the end of this dream God flipped the story. He showed me truth though a lazy boy & three words. And so it goes…

I was driving up to Plymouth and Bridgette and Liza were going to meet me up there. Bridgette told me to get a baseball but I forgot before I left. So I pulled over and saw some people playing so I thought I would ask for one. This man walked me over to a gazebo where people were hanging out. He grabbed me a ball.

He tossed it to me & then it became as if people had a dog chain on them holding them to the gazebo. The guy started to put one on me and then the dream changed…

As dreams always drastically change, it was my family. But the only members I recall are my dad, mom, grandpa who died when I was 9, Laura, my aunt Betty, and my sister Sarah. Sarah was sitting in a chair, and she was sick. In the beginning she had her short hair that she did when she had cancer, and towards the end of the dream is was long again.

Anyway, Grandpa woke up and it wasn’t just from a sleep. He woke up from 20 years of not remembering. So he didn’t know Laura. But as he remembered he walked around and hugged everybody. He gave us the tightest hugs. I was standing next to Sarah he hugged her, then hugged me, then leaned down and hugged her again. He said “Be thankful for what you have”. Sarah grabbed and squeezed my hand… much like when she was dying (in real life) and we both started to cry. As he laid her back down in her chair, she let go of my hand, and she started saying “Just take me home. Take me home.”

There were other elements of this dream but I woke up and just starting balling for the reasons above. I’m not one to know what dreams mean, but when I remember them and they seem significant its best if I write them down.

Thank you Jesus for my dream. Thank you for teaching me through Sarah again last night, and my Grandpa. I pray that as I walk through this life that I would continually be thankful for what I have, where I am, and what You’re doing. Thank you that this time Sarah was the one saying “Take me home.” I miss her so much. I miss her touch, her smell, her hands, and her hugs. I miss her encouragement, her perspective, and her unending love.

Encouraged...

2007-11-06T16:28:00.000-05:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson

Umbaugh Family Blog

2007-10-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I think this is pretty interesting. A few months ago, actually it may have been last year, I was randomly contacted by someone with the last name of Umbaugh. Clearly it isn't a "Smith" or a "Jones", so I was intrigued. After reading the email this gentleman had started an Umbaugh Family Blog. There are links there to other Umbaugh relative blogs.

After a few emails we figured out how we were related. It's through my Grandfather and his extended family that we found the connection.

So, if you think its cool too - you probably don't unless you're an Umbaugh - check it out!

UmbaughFamilyBlog

Thanks dudes... next blog I'm sure will be deep and soaked with meaning.

New life, an end, and a great race

2007-09-30T01:12:00.000-04:00

Well, I realize it has been a while. I have neglected updated the general public (or just using my processing outlet) of what has been going on in my life. But I would just say, I have been busy.

For starters, on September 10th, I became an aunt. He was due on September 27th, but was ready to come into the world earlier. Because birth is already a miracle, Will is a double miracle baby. Anna went into labor everything was fine for a while; and then Will's heart rate started dropping. He flat lined. Within 7 minutes they wheeled Anna into emergency surgery and pulled the baby out. The resuscitated his litte heart- and there he was! Finally breathing. William Daniel Witzig. Born 5lbs 5oz. A true miracle!

I am LOVING being an aunt. I never knew I could love a baby so much & I can only imagine how Rob & Anna feel.

That is the new life.

An end...
If you have been pretty involved in my life you would know that over the past 4 months at MediaSauce we began a transition within the account management office. We "teamed up". I began working internally with our production staff to see projects through, and my "teammate" Beth began working with our clients. We merged our clients to create a base of about 80 clients, and maybe 60 projects at a time. I found out last week she is leaving the company. She has loved MediaSauce. She has grown there. But she was recruited to do her passion - working with annual funding for a children's hospital.

I congratulate her. I will miss her. This loss is comparable to a cop losing his partner. You learn how to work with each other. You learn how to communicate. And then become a super efficient team. But I applaud her for taking a hard move... to follow her heart. That is an end, and we'll see what kind of beginning it brings.

A great race...
Today was the Indiana Sport Corp Corporate Challenge. I was signed up for the 5k & tug of war. There isn't much I can say for the tug of war. HA! Yeah- we went down pretty quickly. But then there was the 5k. One week ago on a run my ACL started hurting; you may already know that my knee has tendinitis. My ankle has been hurting. Really, I'm just a full out mess. But I signed up for the run and so I ran.

I am not a runner, nor claim to be. I just enjoy it and its the easiest way to get in shape. Today I ran a 5k, with maybe 3-400 others from a bunch of companies. As we were running the city blocks I just kept praying for God's strength-because I knew nothing would get me through the pain I was experiencing. Then in the last 3/4 of a mile a guy from Duke Reality came up by me and said "Come on, let's go. You've been pacing me the whole time. Lets go!" So I kicked in...harder, faster, and longer than I have ever run. Dudes, I was tired. I saw the only "saucer" that was in front me, and I finished 5 seconds after him. Ya'll - I came in second. Not with the masses, but within the MediaSauce crew. I ran it in about 27.30minutes. I know its not amazing, but its a personal best.

God got me through that race, using an unsuspected 40-50 something man to get me to cross the finish line, at a reasonably good time, with really bad legs! Hallelujah! Just wanted to give him glory.

That is about it. Thats the update. Thats what I've been up to. And in about 47 days I'll be in La, and then Thanksgiving. HOORAY FOR VACATION!

thanks for keepin' up.

much love & GO COLTS

Katie

The Return of Humanity

2007-07-12T23:41:00.000-04:00

I suppose feeling human isn't all that bad. Sure in the moment it hurts beyond what you can comprehend. One click, one word, one distraction, can send it all down the tubes. You think "I can't believe I did this.... oh wait, yes I can". Question - what gets us to the point that we think we're fine?

Today, at work, I made a mistake. Sure... minor in the "grand scheme of things", but at work -today- it was a big thing, for three employees at MediaSauce. I went from feeling niko sawa (I am fine - in Swahili), to humbled and crying. As I sit up late processing the day, it reminds of my life spiritually. Isn't that the way things happen? We thing we are on cruise control, and then we are humbled and we fall flat on our face. We are reminded we aren't perfect, we mess up, we sin, and there will always be another thing we wish we hadn't done. But at the end of the day, and even in the middle of it, there is grace.

Today I made a mistake. One that could have been big. If it rippled out I'm not sure how I would have handled it, but I know it wouldn't have killed me. This was one day. One day in the many days that make up this glimpse in which I call a "life". What could have been huge, by the grace of God, there was understanding and forgiveness; there was hope and a future. There was God. He was in the middle of it; in my tears, in my failure, in my humanity. He saved me. Big time.

I wouldn't say I was ready for this day. I wouldn't say that I would have ever asked for it. But what I will say is that I'm thankful for it. 11 hours later, I am thankful that I saw my humanity and saw, once again, my deep need for God's grace. It just makes my relationship with Him that much sweeter.

I pray that today you are aware of the grace that God is offering you. When you "screw up", or make a mistake, He is waiting for you to let Him save you from it. Surrender. Obey. LIVE.

Inescapably human and saved by grace,

Katie

Quicksand

2007-06-14T19:17:00.001-04:00

What draws us to live in a state of discontentment? What does it begin with? Does it begin on a day that you can never crawl out of? Is it from something you did, that hurt another, and despite their forgiveness you chose to live in your guilt? Does it come from your past… things you’ve done, thought, or regretted that you can not get over?

For me, I think it started with a bad day, and then led me to the rest of the list. That has been my month. If you have been around me you probably watched me decrease into utter misery. Sure, I continued on as if nothing was wrong, but there was an underlying unhappiness about it. It was as if the joy and life had been sucked out of my like a vacuum. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t sleep; yet I was always tired. I allowed the worries of the day, month, year, and lifetime to consume me. I was in a rut. A pit. To me, what it felt like was quicksand.

When one is sinking in quicksand they lose their breath. They aren’t thinking of how to get out, but all they can think about is the fact they can’t breath, which sends them into more worry and disdain. So what can pull you out of something like quicksand? When you are sinking in your own misery, guilt, sadness, and anger, what is the life rope that you grab a hold to? (scene from Princess Bride) Actually, if you are the princess you aren’t the one grabbing the rope are you? No. Someone dives in the quicksand, holding the rope, and pulls you out.

When you both arrive on top you are exhausted, yes, and my biggest annoyance in that movie is when she is coughing back up in the sand. But she is so desperate for air. The sand is my misery. Westley is Jesus. (not a close comparison… but I do what I can)

So after this long, unintended, movie analogy, my point is I am coming out of the quicksand. Sure, I am still lying down, coughing it all up, but something has been restored. My dear friend Lindsay Helmbock asked me the question “what gives you life”? I couldn’t really answer. One thing I knew I loved to do, that I can do, is wake up around sunrise, sit outside with a cup of chai, and read the Bible. It’s different than reading it on my bed, or at the kitchen table. God meets me in His nature. He speaks to me. I find my rest in His creation. This week, yesterday, I did just that. It changed my entire day. You won’t get out of the quicksand if you aren’t willing and want to stay there. But I was ready to be rescued. Sure, there are things I am still thinking about, wrestling through, but my life on a daily basis is better now that I’m on the earth’s ground. Breathing.

My pastor said once “The opposite of discontentment is thankfulness”. The change began with being thankful. Whether I truly was or not, I need to thank Him, and through that I am being changed.

My life hasn’t changed. In fact, not one aspect is different. All the things that annoyed me before are still present. I have a lot of questions and unknowns, but life as I know it is not over. This is where I am. In Carmel Indiana. Working at MediaSauce. 24 years old. Living in Broadripple. Going to Common Ground. And I…I am ok with that. Because I know that is where God has me.

I miss Him...

2007-05-27T21:23:00.000-04:00

Today I went to the Indy 500. I spent the night at a friends house, where we woke up at 4am, to leave at 4:30, to arrive at 6, to tailgate ALL DAY LONG. It was quite the excursion. Needless to say there wasn't a whole of of "Katie time". It was a good day though over all. A lot of rain and a lot of hanging out and grilling out. I enjoyed running into some familiar faces, hearing the loud rush of the cars, and the time spent with friends. But when I returned home it was funny....not "ha ha" funny, but I guess ironic funny, or the kind of funny that makes you think.

I arrived home around 8:30pm, and all I wanted to do was take a shower. Nice alone time. I hadn't really spent quality time with the Lord all day, and to be honest I still really haven't. But I had the greatest shower. That might catch you off guard, but I put on cd by this worship guy from NYC. His cd is entitled "Alone with You". When I listened to it, it was like returning home. Sure I prayed some through out the day, I was aware at times that Jesus was with me, but it was like there was an unknown ache that was restless about me all day and when I got home, to the quiet, to the stillness of this house, He was here. I was finally "Alone with Him".

This might be strange, I guess, but on a daily basis I don't find (notice) myself in that much need of Him (although I am); and not just to pray, but to worship, to read, and to fellowship with those who believe the same. To talk about Him, and how amazing He is, what He has done for us, and the amazing grace to which He has bestowed upon me. The least of these. I was in awe today. I miss my God. I miss everything about Him. I miss the love I feel when I'm with him. I miss the warmth of His presence. I miss the freedom I feel. The forgiveness I feel. Sure these things don't go away, but it was made apparent to me that I have chosen to not live in these things.

Anyway... this was a long blog. I'm not sure if any one reads this any more. But if you do, thank you. And if it is just me, it is the best therapy I could ask for. To be completely honest. To be completely vulnerable. To be human in front of no one, but possibly millions. I never thought I would say it, but I love to blog.

I hope you are enjoying your holiday weekend. I hope you find rest where ever you are. I pray that we will all by the power of God, live in the life He has designed for us.

Joyfully His,
Katie

random thought flow... hang on. its always a crazy ride

2007-05-04T22:13:00.000-04:00

Well here I am on a Friday night, at home, alone. You know you’re bored when you find out the event of the night, making friendship bread, in fact isn’t supposed to be made until tomorrow. What could I do? I could watch a movie, but nothing sounds good. I could bake, but I have to bake tomorrow. I could play on facebook… that never lasts long. I could figure out how to use myspace, useless. I could re-watch a slideshow of pictures from the MediaSauce flag football game that I’ve watched twice… consider my attention span gone. I could go out to a friend’s, but I’m really tired. Of course there is always the option of going to sleep, but seeing how it’s Friday night something in me keeps pushing me on to a later hour.

I finished my book tonight, “An Echo in the Darkness”, by Francine Rivers. It was the second in the Mark of the Lion series. It was one of those books that you just wait for a free moment to pick up and read. The first book, “A Voice in the Wind” was the same. Phenomenal reads, and I would recommend everyone (even the males) to pick them up. It speaks of Rome about 40 years after Jesus died & was risen. It talks about the holocaust that happened in Jerusalem, and gives you a clear picture of what Rome looked like then. As I approached remarkable turns, being 2 chapters away from the end I contemplated not finishing. Not that I wouldn’t finish it, but it was so good, full of such truth, I didn’t want it to end. Interestingly enough, I tried to watch tv, call friends, but nothing quite satisfied me as when I finished. I took about 20 minutes and read the last 15 pages of a great novel. I’m glad it ended because it ended perfectly. Perhaps not in the “human” eyes, or a chick flick, but wow was it good. And so I find myself restless, bored, and thinking on this Friday night.

I turn to think of things like jobs, relationships, life in general. Its fleeting isn’t it? I mean jobs come and go, relationships may only last for week, and life can go in a flash. I am amazing at the people God bring in and out of my life. Looking back all I hope is that I was used. When you’ve met someone, you don’t the reason, you don’t know how long it will last, and as I write this I am unsure as to what God has in it…. But I can walk confidently that I’ve spoken the truth. I hid nothing. I was honest. And we’ll see what God does.

What can be hard sometimes is that you have such a deep longing for something more. In my case, I truly believe that God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Heaven is that longing…. I long to be “home”. As you grapple with keeping an eternal perspective, yet knowing tomorrow is another day, how do we approach it? I realize this is a lot of endless thought… but truly, knowing I am called to something so much greater than I’m living for how do you deal with that? How do I make a difference where I am now? How do I not become restless in every area of my life? Truth be told sometimes I feel like my life would make a bigger difference if I went back to Kenya, or I was off fighting for good causes. But as I think about it I am in the same war missionaries are in. I am in the same war followers are in doctor’s offices, schools, restaurants, cubicles….

I long to be different. I long to make a difference. I desire to leave none of me, but the reminisce of Jesus. I want to touch, and feel, and leave, a taste of something more in people’s lives so they are no longer satisfied with this life. I want to know the voice of Jesus, and I desire others to know that same Voice. I pray that we would listen. I pray that we would open our ears to hear the Voice of God echo in the darkness. For he is there, He hears us, He is speaking…. We just need to quiet ourselves to hear Him speak over us songs of hope, forgiveness, love, and satisfaction. It is only in His presence that I have peace, and I can rest.

I have no idea where you are, but know that you are not alone. This race isn’t an easy one. Hang in there. There are others standing with you, there are angels standing by, and there is One speaking to you the words you need so desperately to hear.

Learning from Relationships

2007-04-08T20:40:00.000-04:00

As I was driving home today from northern Indiana I was thinking. There have been some pretty interesting relationships I’ve had through out life thus far. Not just relationships with guys, but relationships in general. Whether it was a bad experience, ending on a sad note, or an absolutely wonderful relationship (not with out hard times) that quite possibly hasn’t ended…. There is always something to learn.

In my reflecting I wanted to choose what I learned from relationships. Dig deep and see where I “dropped the ball”, or rather, where it is just a lesson learned… Because we are not perfect, nor will we ever be. We will be hurt, and we will inflict the hurt. We will cry, and we will be the cause of another’s tears. We will laugh, and perhaps be the source of another’s laughter. But there is always something to learn, and always something to take away.

As God’s sweet voice sang over me, on His day where He conquered death, He reminded me that what is in the past is there for a reason. All choices were made whether we regret them or not. And that He has a good, pleasing, and perfect will unfolding in my life. So, I am taking a look back to see how I can grow for relationships to come:

Trust more
Take leaps of faith
Be spontaneous
Be honest
Don’t hold back so much that you lose out
Risk
Dare
Sacrifice
Understand
Be patient
Stop being so dang rigid
Have faith
Think- but not too much
Really see the other person
Have no expectations
Don’t judge
Have fun
Let go

And the list goes on, and on, and on….

Hurt feelings & new chapters

2007-02-25T17:12:00.000-05:00

Have you ever gotten your feelings hurt? I'm sure you have, as I would venture to say most human beings have. I know the phrase "you hurt my feelings" is often overused, but in my case it isn't used often. I suppose I have a hard time saying "you hurt my feelings" because it gets to the essence of me. I don't like being so vulnerable as to say that someone hurt my feelings because that would mean saying that person, or situation, does mean something to me. It isn't a relationship I just blow off, or an evening I will forget about. I am a prideful person and as such saying my feelings were hurt seems a weakness to me. But in reality it isn't.

Yesterday my feelings were hurt. Perhaps unintentionally, but noticeable. They made no effort to remedy the situation but in spite of their lack of effort I tried to put my best foot forward. In turn, a slap in the face. No returned phone call or even a hint of an apology. I suppose when someone knows you're mad they avoid, and when you finally have the conversation it might indeed appear you had no just cause for the anger but in the moment you desired nothing else but to run away and let that person know you didn't need them.

Yes this is just my friend who I am talking about, but in anticipation of a soon reunion I wonder about a conversation, how I will act, what I will say. And I had come to the conclusion that yes my feelings were hurt. I don't like to say it or admit it, but it is the truth. Maybe when this person hears it from me, or another source, they'll think I'm crazy. But guys... the truth is I was given a heart to care, to love, etc., and I can't help it that that is how it made me feel.

When this reunion, of sorts, happens I just pray that however I act, whatever I say, I will walk in truth. I won't hide behind a smile, I won't stomp around in anger, but just simply that all that I do or say will be the truth. No games.

I don't know why I felt compelled to tell you this. But if for nothing else, its ok that people hurt your feelings...it happens to everyone. But what will you do when you realize they've been hurt? How will you react? Will you extend grace even when its not asked for? Will you show love when perhaps there is hate? Will you thrive in patience when you are awaiting God's will to unfold? I suppose this goes with anything. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control." Let's keep each other accountable a be different. Surrender to the Holy Spirit living inside of us for Him to make the right decisions in our lives- not our sinful nature.

I had been waiting to blog again as I realized it had been a while. These are fresh thoughts off the brain of Katie Umbaugh. Life is going pretty well otherwise. I'm in the midst of wild transitions and adaptations. I have a new job, which is amazing and I'm continually humbled in how much I have to learn daily. I moved south to Broadripple with two amazing roommates. (picture above is us walking around on a "snow day". Everything was closed!) Those are the main updates. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring. I pray that you are found today in the presence of the Almighty and comforted by His grace.

xoxo,
Katie

Bear vs Colt

2007-01-26T12:24:00.000-05:00

***Taken right after the interception that got us the AFC Championship!!!***

In an effort to create craziness, there is a little bet going on... PLEASE go online to vote for Bear vs Colt.

http://www.bearvscolt.com/

Romance

2007-01-10T22:37:00.000-05:00

Romance.... Its what every girl wants, every guy tries to give, and what we long for. Tonight it hit me as I was driving home on this cold winter night. You're probably wondering what hit me but let me first explain to you what I experienced. I went to Anna's to help assemble programs for Lydia's upcoming wedding, when I noticed the sky. Clear as day & so many stars (for the north side of Indianapolis). Beautiful. Then when I left Anna's I was going further away from the city out to where I live... darn near country if you ask me. But man it was gorgeous. I took a back route by the beautiful hidden houses away from the cookie cutter neighborhoods. The stars struck me again as I worshipped. I drove by a house that still had Christmas lights up & I longed for that time of year and could almost feel Christmas again.

Then I thought of what spring brings & somehow I always equate seasons with different types of romances. Summer is warm nights, swinging on swings, & looking at stars; fall is bon fires & hot chocolate; winter is fire places, movies, & cuddling up; spring... rainy nights, spring break, new life. Then I thought WOW! All the ways I'm romanced all year long aren't by any man.... but God. Ya'll HE ROMANCES US! It was so clear to tonight, just like the sky, that He draws me close to Him by romancing me. It was the most beautiful thought & moment. I had to share it with you.

I just remembered that I had a similar moment when I was in Kenya. I was at "coast camp"- at the beach with a bunch of 17-25 yr. olds. It was at sunrise as I was doing my devos on the beach....

"As I sit here, look at the vast ocean, the clouds that seem to be sitting gently on the waters You are romancing me. This very moment was designed for me. Thank you God. Thank you for this absolutely beautiful day."

Let God romance you & open Your eyes to all the ways that He is doing it.

Lovingly HIS,
kt

ps - here is a picture of what I was looking at in Kenya!

your africa...

2006-12-30T23:35:00.000-05:00

I was feeling reflective tonight. A lot on my mind & heart as I watch the hand of God mold me. Life is deep in thought right now & I feel like I am on the brink of something new again. I anticipate what God is going to do, but yet, you just never know what is about to happen.

Well in my reflective mode I was going through old writings of my on this computer. I found some things in my "overseas" prayers file folder. I wanted to share this one with you. I was written on the 18th of April, 2006.

What is Your Africa?

"In my desire to become independent I’ve become dependant

In an effort to expand my mind, I realize how small my mind truly is

Knowing that pain produces perseverance, I acknowledge that I truly don’t want to face it

Coming with the excitement to be separate from my family, I realize how deeply in love with them I am.

Thinking, perhaps unconsciously, just coming was enough, I’ve learned it takes much more than one act of faith…

It takes
a daily dying to yourself
A daily commitment to The Almighty God
Expectation for His presence
Willingness to be used, broken, transparent, & healed

In thinking my desires to work outside of the slums was somehow un-noble, I’ve learned that it doesn’t define me, how big my heart is, and that what God has given me, the desires specifically, are God given & that each person possesses the desires & that in them will most glorify God. I didn’t have to go to a slum to learn that.

I’ve learned that everyone needs their “trip to Africa”. You don’t have to go to Kenya, or Africa to have it. It’s just taking time away; time away from the familiar faces, places, & things. It means taking a dive into the unknown; unable to trust any one or anything BUT God. Learning its quite enough for the God of the universe for you to be who you are, and that it could be just that much for a man on earth. It means taking moments to just breathe & realize “I am actually here. Doing it. Living it. Being here.” A trip to Africa doesn’t have to take place in Africa, but indeed it must take place. To learn who you are & whose you are. Africa is where I found myself. What is your Africa? "

thats it. that was a journal entry I wrote within the 120, and some odd, days I was Kenya. I hope that you have a wonderful & safe new years.

love, me

thoughts...

2006-12-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

I suppose I haven't come with eloquent words tonight. I don't have a profound realization to share with you. As someone posted a comment on here I realized it had been a while since I last posted. So has I sit here on this wonderful December eve, I was thinking of my lovely blog readers & wanted to chat.

So, recently, as in the last hour, I returned from one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever had the blessing to attend. Everything seemed so wonderful. The church was beautifully decorated for Christmas, and the reception, wow... white chair covers with red velvet bows; center pieces of white roses, and everyone dolled up to the nines. It was gorgeous. I ceremony was what tipped it off to me. Many of you might know who the groom was, Mr. Lamont King Black; an amazing man of God & friend, who has impacted not only my life but I know many others. Anyway, he is 33. He met his WIFE, Tyler, last April. As of late I've been attending weddings, where the average age is 22-24. When I was 18 I felt like that was the perfect age, but now that I'm 23 I see beyond this time. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with getting married in your early twenties, but Monty's wedding had a profound beauty in which I had yet to see. He waited 33 years. Yes he dated other girls, pursued others that didn't work out, but then he found Tyler. Perfect for him in every way. But that isn't what made it so beautiful. He is 33 you guys. SO often I think how old I am getting for not even dating someone, and here is one of the most amazing guys ever and he just got married. When they repeated their vows, they stared into each others eyes, and with intent and true commitment, they promised. Monty first, nodding his head, so Tyler knew he meant every word. Taking her time and fighting through tears Tyler shared her intentions for the rest of their lives. They thought through, shared and committed before each other, God, and the 300 audience members, that there is and will never be another human for each other; Astounding and such a gift. The wedding was at ECC & the reception in Alumni Hall.

Other than that, just chugging along. Verizon is ok... we're going through our ups and downs & I can confidently say I feel a part of their family. Through all the times I've desired to leave God has kept me there. He is growing me & I am now at a point where I would be thrilled if another door opened for me to walk through, but if not, I am there to love the people I'm with and I intend to be a presence in their lives. No boyfriends to update you on, not too many changes. Dad had a huge ankle surgery but is recovering pretty well. Lydia is swamped with wedding stuff as the day rapidly approaches in just over a month. We're excited. Ok, sorry not such a great update, but at least you heard about an amazing wedding. And if you're married just remember how much of a gift that spouse is. Truly... not every one gets to have the blessing of such an intimate relationship. Glorify God in it. After all, that is why you are together.

Until next time...
kt

The bottom

2006-11-16T23:19:00.000-05:00

Well today I reached the bottom. I walked into work and BAM! I was hit. A "corporate" walked in and found that my name tag was upside down, and the rest of the day was downhill. There was Jesus in the midst through customers, but me in my stubborn personality, did not give into joy in the midst of the storm. Today I hated my job & I was considerably at the bottom. I was a bottom dweller. I have to ask the question... "why do we choose to dwell in the bottom when we could joyfully dance on top?" I present this question to you, my faithful readers.

Today I found myself, at what I thought was the bottom. There was no light at the end of the tunnel (or that I was choosing to look at or focus on). So to top off the day, I go out to my recently purchased 2001 Volvo S60. Do you think it would start? Absolutly not. Nope. Not today. When I was at the bottom, I could've decided to stay there. I called my friend Nancy, and she said "You've had a really bad day haven't you?" My response was obviously "YES!" Nancy: "And you know the enemy just wants to get you with this right?" Me: "yeah..." Nancy: "and you know that this really isn't a big deal and it'll all work out?" Me: "uh huh". So that was it. A brief moment of pride taken out & what replaced it? Joy. When I thought the day couldn't get worse, it got better. Yes, I still have a job I don't particularly love. Yes, my car was towed to the dealership. But Jesus is with me. My car will get fixed. (I have a 3 year warranty!!!) I will get to work tomorrow. And He is with me.

So when you find yourself at what seems to be your bottom & you choose to dwell there... PLEASE, for me & for your sake, get out. It is so much better to just get out. Choose joy over self-pity. Choose humility over pride. Choose spirit over flesh. Choose God over self. Life is never as sweet, as when its lived with Jesus Christ. The hope of Glory. The Son of Man. The Son of God. The Alpha & Omega. My redeemer. My savior. My hope. My peace. Allow Him to sing over you with peace & love. Choose Him today. If you don't, you might find yourself at the "bottom". But if you do, life isn't so bad.

JOYFULLY His,
katie

ps- This is what I learned today. Joy is a choice. We choose. Sometimes it doesn't feel good, but we need to. Or all things of God -hope, love, joy, etc., will be stripped & only because we've allowed them to be. I pray that you're finding joy in knowing Jesus. And if you don't know Him, I pray that you would come to know Him. Trust me, He is the best thing that could ever happen to you.

the past

2006-11-01T22:02:00.000-05:00

I have noticed something about myself. I often long for what's past. I love to look at old pictures, read old cards, watch funny videos, and talk about memories long gone. I love the past. Interestingly enough, when I was in the past, I longed for what was before that. I didn't love where I was at that moment. Sure there were moments of utter joy & laughter; but as with each phase of life it always seems to get a little more difficult than the last phase. Yes I love the past, but that gives me no excuse to not look forward to the future.

Yes, each phase of life is truly more difficult than the last because I will have never faced it before. This is the definition of growth. You can't grow when you're doing things you always have, or you've known how to do. But God pushes us in the unknown. Right now, as I sit here & type, there are so many unknowns. How exciting that God wants me to grow so much?! If I'm not feeling a push toward Him, than I'm not being sensitive. He wouldn't be doing Himself justice if He didn't want us to be closer to Him. He absolutely is the best thing that can happen to you. let's take advantage. Let's grow. Let's be pushed. Let's depend on Him.

I love you brothers & sisters. Thank you all for putting me in my place after that last blog. I am thankful to have faithful readers. I appreciate you being in my life.

In love & faith,
Katie

Back by popular demand

2006-10-21T23:28:00.000-04:00

Anna is with Grandpa Umbaugh & Grandma Mannan. I am with Grandma Umbaugh! We went our for chinese over a month ago! I love my grandparents.

And by popular I mean a one. Sarah Germann. Oh how I love her! And Sarah, because you are most likely the only one reading this, this is for you! :)

So my update on life...as of late I've been in "thinking mode". This usually entails thinking myself into circles, or asking questions with no answers, or asking questions with answers, but those answers are unknown to me. For example, "How long will I be a greeter at Verizon Wireless?" This is a question to which there is an answer, but for obvious reasons, are unknown to me. I feel as if I am in a holding period. I love Jesus & His plans for my life. There is no "but" in which you were expecting, but the simple fact that it is sometimes hard to accept. I don't mind the job all that much, and being with "the lost" again has challenged me & lit a fire inside my soul that hasn't existed in some time. But often I wonder what is the next step? Where is He taking me? There should be no room for doubt if my heart is filled with faith- this is my prayer. I trust where God is leading. Does it ever feel endless to you? Like I might be at verizon forever? This of course isn't true. Sometimes I just wonder...

I do love fall though. I went to Bloomington earlier this evening and the smell of leaves & and seeing the beautiful trees reminded me of a different time in my life. COLLEGE! Oh how I miss it dearly. But as I continue to work 40 hours a week, recieve benefits, and learn what it means to be "independant", I am slowly easing my way into the next phase of life. Weddings, cars, babies, apartments, houses, etc. This is accompanied with death, sickness, and the general awareness that life goes quickly.

Last week my grandmother went into the hospital. At a beaming 83 years old she fell and fractured two bones. She is now moving out of her house into assisted living. Being closely familiar with death's sting, I immediatly feared "losing" her. Shes doing fine now, and enjoy the next phase of her life. She has gone from a life of lonliness and pride, to a life full of social activities & humility. She loves the new phase, but it took her falling to realize this is where she needed to be.

I realize I am writing this while desperately tired, and when I write while I'm tired this don't always make a lot of sense & I tend to ramble on. But then again, this is the flow of thoughts, and things that are on my heart.

With these things said, I'll sign off with a few last thoughts. I'm extremely excited for those getting married, and for a while I didn't know if I wanted to get married. Good news: I still do. So I'm still waiting on that front. I hear the longer you wait the better it is. (as if we have a choice) The job: continually keeping ears & eyes open for an 8-5 that I would love. God will open the door its just a matter of when. In the mean time, I'm in a prime spot for ministry which is awesome. Me & Jesus: Trying to take more time out to hear His voice. Loving His word & studying the fruits of the Spirit.

Thats all. I've of course said too much already. But Sarah, thank you for reading.

baraka kibao (many blessings),
katie

The longing...

2006-09-27T14:03:00.000-04:00

This is a journal entry I wrote as I read Craig's latest update. Today will be the day I say "goodbye" to a house full of memories. I will walk in a room where I lived for 13 years. Memories will pass through like lightening. I will go to the once famous basement, and see the parties, slumber parties, and movie nights flash through my mind. I'll sit in the family room, on the fireplace, and remember so many christmas's gone by. Envisioning our presents all around the room & the placement of Sarah, Anna, Laura, Lydia, and myself. Knowing where dad always set up the camera, mom always cooking breakfast, and the occasional grandparents sitting on the couch. I'll walk into the kitchen, sit on the counter, and remember tried but royally failed dinners. I'll remember burnt cookies, "hankie pankies", and Sarah's wonderful homemade pizzas. I'll walk through the backyard and remember pool parties, hot tub nights, and sometimes hard conversations had. Then the stinging reality of being in the house where Sarah last lived will hit me. I'll stand in the kitchen by the oven and remember when I found out Sarah had a tumor; and I'll remember how at that very moment I knew it wouldn't be long. I'll see her how she laid in the family room with her leg up constantly crying because of pain. But at the very same moment I'll recall the tender moments of dancing and singing. I'll remember making her smile with my karaoke skills, improve dance moves, and general "attention getters". I remember how she was my number one fan. I'll remember how she was a gift that I got to have for 21 years. I'll remember her laugh, her smile, her hug, her dance, her voice... I'll remember her. All other worries will pass me by. Simplicity will come, and I will again long for the life after this one. I'll long for eternity. I'll long to see Sarah. I'll long for Jesus.

Journal Entry:
As I sit and read reports from Nairobi, tears fill my eyes. I have a silent longing to return to that great big, dangerous city… full of looks, stares, and almost a constant fear of my safety. After reading a friends journal entries, I heard about children getting sponsored, friends getting attacked, and the general poverty of Kenya. There is an indescribable ache; in which I can not define. I search for words or explanations but there is an outpouring of my heart in the tears that fall which have no words at all. If I were to try and pray about how I’m feeling nothing would come; the Spirit would have to intercede. Yes I miss my friends, I miss the culture, but its more than that. As I sit icing my tendonitis stricken knee I find myself wondering, “what I am doing”. God has blessed me with working at the number one network in the nation- Verizon Wireless. I have great benefits, a free cell phone, but there is so much more to do. I want to move at His impulse. I want to be intimately involved with the plans of the Father. I desire so much for the people of Kenya. I desire so much for my own life… to be married, to have children, but above and beyond that to be completely and utterly filled with Jesus. I want to hear Him, speak to Him, and know His movements. Caught in sinful flesh but tied to the Holy Spirit, I am in a world where I’m desperately trying to break free of myself. I’m trying to break free of the pressures and expectations put on me by the world, and even Christian society as a whole. Where do I fit? The answer certainly won’t come from a billboard, commercial, or job. It won’t come to me in the form of a brochure or a paycheck. I am an alien to this world, and the idea of feeling comfortable has begun to leave my mind. I’m not made for here. Yes God has me here for a reason and I seek to live out this life fully until His will for my life is accomplished. But I was simply made for Him, and my home… it just isn’t here. Perhaps living in Kenya gave me a wider glimpse of who God is. It let me see a little more in the Kingdom of God. After writing this I suppose, tears come when reading about Kenya because I want to go home. Not to Kenya, 1425 Stonemill circle Carmel, IN, and not to the US. But not to give up on this life, or quit, or because I hate it here…. But simply because all things will be made perfect, and oh how I long for HIS perfection.

weddings & transitions

2006-09-16T23:21:00.000-04:00

Hello blog readers. I realize it has been a hot minute since I’ve written you, and I apologize for that one. But honestly, I’m just trying to figure out my life. Through out the effort to sort myself I’ve realized it isn’t me who will be doing the “sorting”. (The answer is that God will) So right now I have found myself working at a store for Verizon Wireless. It is a great company to work for, but I’m still searching God to know what’s next. I don’t know that I will be there for a long while, but for now its God’s provision in my life and for that I’m thankful.

Ya know what? I have found that transitions aren’t always easy. The next steps are usually great but getting there can be a bit difficult. There are many things that are catching up to me and I haven’t allowed myself to be “sad” about, or miss. My sister Sarah, my friends and family in Kenya, moving from a home I’ve known for 13 years… just to name a few. I’m not asking for pity, but simply telling you what I’m learning. There was a recent diagnosis of tendonitis in my knee, and that has been a bit painful to stand for 8 hours of the day. I don’t know guys… I’m searching for answers, wondering what to do. I miss the 8-5, I miss college, but at this moment those are in the past and for now, this is what God has. Not to minimize because there are many joys.

OH weddings… I am writing while in IL headed back home from a wedding of an old friend (Carrie Barkyoumb) in KS. That was great. Last weekend I attended the late Tricia Callahan’s wedding (she is now Tricia Ray). That was lovely as well. It has been a blessing to see the miracle and blessing that marriage is. For God to unite two people together and that they love each other to commit for life. WOW! Someday, right?

I also LOVE where I’m living, and I love my time with Jesus. He is so good and is speaking to me.

So…that’s me in a nutshell; working for benefits (health that is) & bills, listening to God speak to me, and icing my knee continually. Lovely times. Let me know if God speaks to you about direction for me, and please keep in touch. I love you guys. And I truly pray that your ears are opened and that you take time to hear Him speak to you (not about me); because He is, but we usually just don’t stop to listen.

xoxo

The Latest

2006-08-23T23:40:00.000-04:00

As I've mentioned, Florida was great but its time to crack down on "real life". Today I had two interviews. One with Verizon Wireless & another with Ameriprise Financial. I'm just praying for God's will. Both not easy to get, and then with Ameriprise, it could be hard to maintain (seeing as though, after a certain amount of time it will become all commissions based!). So I kniow the Lord's hand is in all of this. Verizon would be a seemingly insignificant job, but they have great benefits and room to grow. But at least the decision isn't up to me right?!

As far as other things go...I'm trying desperatly to stay motivated with this art class I'm trying to finish to complete my college education! I'm trying to get into Nancy's this week; which feels like a bigger job than I could take on this week. I'm sure by early next week I'll be in though! :)

Hmmm... I suppose there isn't much else. Just job hunting, finding joy in the freedom God is giving me right now. It often seems like I'm just floating & sucking life out of people (namely my parents or Nancy), but I truly believe that is not God's intention for this time at all. I believe this time is for restoration, a finding of joy, and just a time to kick back. So God... I appreciate this freedom!!!

Pray for the family as we make the transition out of 1425 Stonemill circle. Its still difficult. We'll be out kabisa (completely) by September 7th! So if you want to come say goodbye to this house of many memories you're more than welcomme. I know we'll be going through A LOT of processing, tears, and memories. Feel free to stop by at any time & bring joy in the midst of this hard time. Or just a helping hand is ALWAYS welcome. 13 years is a long time to live in a house.

Well I guess I'll leave you be. I pray that God is blessing you today in a way you've never known or could have expected. He is a big God & we should expect BIG things! AMEN?! I hooked you up w/ some pics from Florida w/ Anna. Lovely time.

xoxo,
kate

Professional job hunter

2006-08-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

I have found myself in a place of discouragment. Wow is it hard to be unemployed, and honestly, I'm not very good at it. I HATE asking for money & thats precisly why I worked my way through college. But as I was talking with Nancy she was urging me to think perhaps God wants me to "be ok". To be ok with getting money from another source than my employment, and to just enjoy this time of life & virtually being "care free"; whether its by choice or not.

So as I step in a leap of faith and move in with her in these next couple weeks it will be hard. Its hard to move out of my parents house permanently. In many ways I feel like I have to hand them over to the Lord. (as if I had some control over their well-being anyway) I'll be handing myself over to the Lord in that I have NO CLUE where I'll be even in a month from now. Life seems so unknown to me... I just don't know sometimes.

You've caught me on a hard day. No job, no car, no money....but I do have to remember I have everything I'll ever need. I have the love of a God who is bigger than jobs, money, friends, husbands, cars, etc. I'm trying to rest in that. To wake up every day & know that there is a reason for the day, but I must get to the end of it to see what He had planned. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for so many things, but I guess I'm finding myself in a place I didn't expect or anticipated to end up! But I suppose thats just how life is huh? The unexpected always happens because we don't plan out this life. Which, when reviewing my past, I am SO glad I haven't made the plans.

Thanks for reading this blog ya'll... or should I say you! Life is throwing some twists & turns. Many days feel lonely, but I'm encouraged to know that many people are going through this same thing, I just don't know them! :) On the flip side... my friends Ellen Marie Crawford & Robert Freeman Fellows are engaged!!! This is an exciting one. So in Feb. will be Lydia's wedding to Bob Fox & then Ellen & Rob's. Lovely people who I am so excited for.

aight... I'm going to sleep now. Thanks for the love. If you live in or visit Indy holla at me.

xoxo
kate

Adjustments...

2006-08-08T00:10:00.000-04:00

Well needless to say the patience I learned in Kenya is in a different way. Things like traffic, service, conversation, relationships, meals, etc., I learned to be decently patient in. Waiting on direction, from the Lord, is something I'm still trying to get my mind around. I just deleted a really quick post I made while in Florida. I was up for an interview but turns out its bogus. In a way that they were lying about the job & praise God I found out before hand. Now I feel like I'm back a square one. Honestly, I have all these desires & things I could see myself doing, but I don't feel a push. Certainly not from lack of self-motivation, because trust me, being poorer than I was in college is not fun. I'm motivated; but direction is lacking. Perhaps its out of my lack of seeking God's face...which I obviously need to do more of. But I do think He is trying to say "Katie... take a breather". I tend to push life along with no room for thinking, feeling, processing, and I always want to get to the next step.

Well right now with my parents moving the next step is getting them out of 1425 Stonemill circle. I have a sinking feeling in this little process of moving us out of a house we've been in for 13 years, processing & thinking will occur. I run across memories of Sarah. Her clothes, books, drawings, movies, etc., and I will almost be forced to think about her & allow myself the grief. On the other hand, I am an enormous pack rat. Everything is sentimental to me & with this its always hard for me to move. So as I look on memories of junior high, high school, and even stuff I kept from college, I'll be saying goodbye in an effort to minimize.

NEWS FLASH: I will not be living with my parents in Carmel. I've been offered a place to stay (virtually rent free & thats only if she turns down my offers for money) to live in Noblesville. This gracious woman's name is Nancy. She has an extra bedroom & an old friend is living with her right now too. So as I make efforts to get my feet on the ground & jolly (my car) off the driveway, I'll be living there.

I suppose those are the most recent updates. I ask for your prayer as my parents make this enormous transition, and as they try desperately to avoid going through Sarah's things. This is the house we remember her in & we all have to remember that the memories we take with us because they aren't in the house.

Anyway, thanks for your support & if you are the ONE person reading this... thanks for reading.

love,
katie

The Return Home

2006-07-25T18:33:00.000-04:00

Yes its true, the adventure that seems as though it was just yesterday, is now complete. I can assure you the time for me to process that journey has barely begun, but I can tell you this, I miss Kenya. I have never known a place or people that are so close to home. Then again, I've never lived anywhere for a significant amount of time... other than Indiana. So, every time I see "kenya" or hear about it, there is a part of me that wishes I could be there.

On the flip side, I'm pretty sure God has me here for a specific purpose. My family is moving... for many reasons, but it is indeed so. God has given them the clue, & they are answering. The thing is they're starting in a rental, that for the amount of stuff the Umbaugh's have accumulated, it doesn't fit. From there they are building, but we obviously will be in the rental for a bit. Lydia is getting married in February, so shes not going anywhere. Laura (although perhaps not public yet) will be at home this semester and pursuing goals in the areas of style & fashing. Me? Well, as you know I'm a recent (minus 2 credits) graduate of Indiana University. I have no job, no money, and a quickly dying car. The new rental has 3 bedrooms. Thatleaves Laura & I (so Lydia can have her last room to herself) sharing a bed & a room. Lovely? I think so! :) But at the same time there is a push within me, and the fam, to get a quick hire and decent pay, so that I may become financially independant for the first time in my life! We'll see how that goes.

In other news... God is absolultely amazing for giving us this house. Kesho (tomorrow) I'll be working for my friend Blake who has begun his own landscaping company. Then next week I'll be going to Florida with a most gracious sister & brother-in-law (namely Rob & Anna). She has to get through some processing for life, and I for Kenya. So this will be much needed, prior to me joining the grind!

Yesterday in the shower I was listening to a christian radio station and they began talking, and my ears perked up when I heard "Here I am in Nairobi, Kenya". There was a radio announcer in Nairobi with Compassion International, who we(Tanari) worked with when I was over there. It almost brough a tear to my eye! But there is a time for everything, and it looks like it is the time for me to start this crazy financially stressing independant life!!!

So here I go...

xoxo,
katie

ps- I have decided to continue this blog. I don't promise to make frequent updates, but I suppose if this an easy way for you to keep up on my life, than you'll be able to stay informed!

pps- This picture is of us playing while Lyd was trying on wedding dresses!!!

Its almost over...

2006-07-03T04:19:00.000-04:00

Hello my faithful blog readers.

I understand that I’ve been a bit slow on posting. I suppose with Lydia being here I don’t feel the need, or rather, there is a lot less time for me to spend writing an update. But because you are faithful & the slight chance you want an update, here you go!

Last week we went on safari in the Masai Mara. It was incredible. We saw all of the “big 5” except Rhino. The big five are: Lion, Leopard, Rhino, Elephant, & Buffalo. We saw herds of buffalo & zebra migrating. We saw baby lion cubs, baby monkey feeding on its mama, baby elephants, ok…. Basically, it was the lion king in real life. The scenery was incredible. I’ll soon put up pictures when Lydia & I find a way to get the pictures from her camera to my computer!

Kesho (tomorrow) we are leaving for Mombasa, by train. It is on the coast of the Indian Ocean & absolutely beautiful. We’ve been trying to convince friends to come & stay with us in our little cottage, but if they don’t, we rest assured our time there will be lovely. It’s going to be perfect weather. We’ll return Sunday night by bus, and then Lydia leaves on Tuesday & I on Wednesday. Crazy huh? These past four months have flown. I of course recognize the times that time seemed to stand still & I had to wake up & trust that God had me where he wanted me.

As of right now, the biggest lesson I’m learned & have been praying about it worry. I never knew how bad I was with worry, until this trip, & recently how bad I am about worrying about money. Wow- lets talk about a stronghold. Its not that I’ve always wanted a lot, but to not be in want has been my desire. Well, Lydia & I are broke as a joke, and are in no way finished paying off certain debts in this country. God is faithful though, amen? So its just a good thing we have a dad willing (maybe not able) but willing to help us out!

In addition to constant lessons on this walk with Jesus, I am dealing with a great big transition. I have a new community, family, & friends that I’ll be leaving soon. To come to another country completely alone, and build new relationships from scratch, with them knowing nothing of your past or who you were has been incredible. My relationships here are so fresh & real, and I’m going to miss them deeply. So with that said, yesterday I think I cried my first tears as I thought about leaving this country & people that I love. Please pray for strength & a good transition back into life into the United States. Thanks! You’re the best.

Well, I return July 13th at 4:45pm, at the Indianapolis Airport. If I don’t see you there, I hope to see you soon after I return. I’ll take how ever many free meals, or starbucks, that you want to treat me to! Thanks again for all your love & support & prayers. God has richly blessed my time, & I now have a second home in Kenya.

Xoxo,
Katie

Ps- I’ll most likely send out a last “monthly update” email before I leave. If you don’t receive it… kwa heri (bye) until I return.

oh theft....

2006-06-22T04:03:00.000-04:00

Ok… well things are going well here for the most part! I’ve been having sweet time with friends & family. Adam turned 24 on the 20th & it was a fun celebration. This is a picture from the “party” that his host family had. Ann made stir-fry… YUMMY!

Anyway, I should let you know that I’m fine; that I’m rooting for the USA today in the World Cup; that my day at work yesterday was a productive one; that my dinner with Craig last night was really nice; and that Lydia arrives tomorrow. But here comes the story we’ve all been waiting for!!!

Yesterday there was a hard end to a good day. I was eating with Craig at a nice place called Prestige Plaza; the restaurant was Books First. Aj had arrived, so I moved my large handbag from the chair next to me to the rung of my chair. About 30 minutes later when it came time to pay I turned to get into my wallet and my bag was gone. A lady sitting at a table behind us in a booth saw a lady carrying the bag I described. In this bag was my wallet, with 2 credit cards, my Indiana drivers license, my $400 new canon camera, and my umbrella. I began to flip out. I’m ALWAYS paranoid, especially in Kenya, about things getting stolen. Usually I look for something, find it missing, pray, & realize I put it in a different spot than I had remembered. This time all my fears of the past became a shocking reality. My bag was gone. My debit card, which contained the money needed for Lydia & I to get through these next three weeks, was gone. My new camera, which I was using for my new found love for photography & which I was so looking forward to using on safari next week, was gone. Someone had eyed a white girl, who apparently looked like a tourist, and much to my dismay and somewhat humiliation I was an easy target. This has been a trial of which I never truly anticipated. It’s testing my faith & trust. I’m certainly sad that my amazing camera is gone, my cute bag that had made it faithfully through more than 3 months of hard Kenyan living, and my debit card, but more than that I feel violated. It made me feel used, and mistreated in a way I’ve never felt. I feel stupid & I often question (un-wisely) what I could’ve done differently; or I ask why I didn’t just leave my bag at home when I questioned doing it. I feel like a people I learned to put trust in have let me down. I feel the streets I’ve walked down every day for months, are now unsafe.

With this fear, that I now feel, I’m fighting against it. Last night as I was talking with Anna, she said “Katie, if there is one thing I’ve been fighting against its fear”. I of course “eased” her mind & told her I wasn’t scared. But waking up, and knowing I had to walk to work this morning, indeed there was fear. Our staff is going back to the same place to watch the USA vs Ghana game today, and I’ve realized, there is fear.

I’m going through the needed process of finding my hope, trust, faith, & security in the Lord. I’m seeing, through this trial, answers to prayers I’ve been praying; to have open hands so that the Lord will give & take as HE pleases, to draw near to God, & to really trust Him. I’ve prayed for the testing of my faith, and so it’s being tested. God is faithful through the worst of circumstances. I’ve learned that through Sarah’s going home, & now this. There are many other things that could have happened to me, other things that could have been stolen. What happened was allowed by God and now it’s my chance to turn around & tell Him I’m thankful for this experience. I’m thankful that He wants me to see Him so badly that He’ll allow, perhaps things that are blocking my view of Him, to be taken away.

“Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1: 2-4)

“Do not fear for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Well, this is my trial. It’s easy to quote scripture, but it’s another thing to have your heart, mind, body, & soul grasp to the words of Christ. Thank you for your prayers of safety. I am safe. I ask now that you would pray for a restoration. I would ask that this experience would not just be something bad that happened, or some experience I “learned” from, but that my heart would truly say “all the glory be to the Lord.” And that my mouth with all assurance in my heart could say “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.”

As Lydia arrives tomorrow, God is faithful. He is providing. Pray for her safety & for our time together; that it would be sweet and precious time. This upcoming Tuesday we leave for safari & will be traveling continuously (Uganda & Mombasa) until July 9th. She’ll depart on the 11th, and I on the 12th!

Thank you for reading this blog, and for all the others as well. I pray you are safe, and enjoying the goodness of the Lord in this day. For He is a good God!

Joyfully God’s,
Katie

PS- I wrote this in tears… and I’m now recovering. Yesterday I downloaded “This Little Light of Mine”, by Sam Cooke, off itunes because someone was singing it in the office. As I sit here and listen to it, its giving me joy & hope. This was a situation and its over now. Things will be fine. I hope you’re all well & enjoying life today. And if you’re reading this today (June 22) YOU BETTER find the USA playing Ghana today & root for your country!

The Last Month...

2006-06-14T04:19:00.000-04:00

Well I suppose as time runs thin I should keep my updates frequent. I am living in my last month in Kenya. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the Chicago airport, scared half to death, and thinking “what on earth did I get myself into?” But even then God was shown faithful, as I desired an isle seat or a window, and I ended up in the aisle.

He has been faithful for over three months now, and I know He will continue to be the same God He was yesterday, today, & tomorrow. Last week my team (Tanari staff) left for a climb up Mt.Kenya. I opted not to go because my friend was arriving. What can we guess? That God is faithful. Last week I was sick. I actually vomited and literally haven’t done that in years; not only that but that God given woman time of the month arrived the day before they left… I have NO IDEA how I would’ve handled that one. I’m getting better, besides a slight chest cold, which coming from the states is no big deal to me. God is good, amen? He confirmed my choice to stay back. Asante mungu! (Thank you God)

As you well know, my 23rd birthday was this past Saturday. It was lovely. The night before some of my best friends in Kenya (those who weren’t up the mountain), Adam, Craig, & Mark, took me out to what is Adam’s & my favorite restaurant. The Moon Flower. Louis Armstrong (or one who sounds like him) was on stage that night, candles were lit, & rose petals were on the table. It was just so romantic…seeing as though I was with three guys! I can only hope this male influence has been good.

Craig surprised me with a gift Amanda had bought before she left. It was so special to receive that from her. I had Mark order for me, and he ordered a steak. This is something I would never order for myself, but due to his selection I’ve now enjoyed one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten! Anywhere, let alone Kenya. After that we went back to Adam’s place & he played the guitar & sang, sometimes with Craig harmonizing. It was great. We just stayed up and talked and sang; one of the best birthdays I’ve had. It was super relaxed and I enjoyed myself fully.

The next day, my actual birthday, I woke up to pre-written cards by my sister Laura, Lydia, & my friend Leah. Those were fun. Then I went downstairs, and hung out with Jane; our househelp. She taught be how to make one of my favorite Kenyan foods, chapati. Oh it was lovely. As the day went I was worried about how I was getting to the airport to pick up Adam, aka Aj. It ended up he met up with people he knew & I met them in town. Then we went back to my place, and with much excitement I opened the five cards, tons of candy, my favorite shampoo & conditioner, earrings, and my favorite magazine, that my parents all sent with Adam. He had been traveling since Wednesday, and was in desperate need of some rest & a shower. We grabbed a bite & settled him into his short term home.

The rest of the week has been great. He is enjoying his stay with Kaguru, & he’s adapting to the culture well. We’ve hung out a lot with Craig & Adam, so needless to say, when Lydia arrives the girly company will be welcomed with much anticipation. I met up with Sandy & Rob Davis, our hosts from Uganda in 2002. When Lydia arrives, we’ll be visiting them in Jinga again. It was nice seeing them, and catching up on the past 4 years!

As for me, my time is getting low. It’s strange to think in one month’s time I’ll be landing in the United States; to a home I once knew. But I’ll be entering in differently; with new experiences under my belt, a small bit of a new language, & all this has developed me into who I am now, at this moment. My prayer would be that I could look at how I’ve changed, and take what’s good & keep it. I pray that my relationship with God would only get better, and that in the busyness of America I would find my times of rest, peace, and stillness. With my verizon phone, and American area code, anyone can reach me at any time; often this is a plus, but to me it might feel overwhelming. Of course I’m anticipating seeing everyone, to even think about how many there are, even in my immediate family, is stressing. Just my immediate family alone would be a high number of how many I make efforts to hang out with here.

So, with these things in mind, I’m scared, nervous, excited, and over all weirded out and I have no idea how to transition out of Kenya & back into America. If you’ve got any advice let me know!

Until then… Lydia arrives the 23rd; 9 DAYS from today. That’s nuts. And then we’ll begin our travels. I hope you are all well. Thank you for all you do for me; your love, support, & prayers. Keep them up! My great adventure is almost over!!!

Tutaonana,
Kate

ps- Two pictures are from my birthday dinner (one with Mark, & the other with all four of us- Adam, Craig, Mark, & Me) & the other is Adam & myself, at the end of his first day in Kenya!

Time is flying...

2006-06-02T04:28:00.000-04:00

Oh wow... I realize I am keeping up to date with this blog pretty well! Yeah for me!

Anyway, within the past couple weeks Amanda left for C.A. She received what’s been dubbed the “Adam/Katie Disease”. (Adam being my friend who I met here) It’s pretty much chronic diarrhea! Poor Amanda! She’s been seeing the doctor since she returned & she said they’ve run every test on her imaginable. So if you think about it, just pray for healing!

Yesterday, there was a public holiday here! It was glorious. I “slept in” (till 9), and with my recent membership to Body & Soul (a gym about 200 feet from my house) I went and worked out. It was so nice. Then I finished watching the 10th season of FRIENDS, and met up with Jackie. I hadn’t seen her for SO long & it was such a refreshing time to just catch up. She is such a blessing, and Lord willing next year she’ll visit Indiana in May so you’ll get to meet her!

Last week another intern for Tanari arrived from PA. His name is Jon Sovocool & working mainly with the ROPES program. It’s been great having him here for the simple fact that it makes me extremely thankful for the time I’ve spent here & what I’ve learned so far. It’s amazing how much you can learn by living somewhere for 3 months! But he is a cool guy & will be with Tanari for six months. He upped me by 2 months!

Well… on Wednesday I went to Kibera. (the largest slum in East Africa) I hope to put up a lot of pictures on my yahoo account (http://photos.yahoo.com/ktgirl242). It was a great experience. We met one woman who through Tumaini Medical Clinic [a ministry through Nairobi Chapel & who we were working with] asked Jesus into her heart in 2001. She now works with the clinic & the way she talks is with every breath she is thankful to God. She still lives in Kibera; among the people she ministers to. These were often the type of people I met in Uganda & it was refreshing to see the destitute be more filled with the Lord than I ever have been! It was great. In addition to meeting her, I didn’t know my blood type. So we pretended that I was coming in for service. I paid 60 schillings (about a dollar) and went through the whole process! A finger prick hurts worse than getting your blood drawn! So we saw how they test the blood, and we were in the lab with the doctor to see the different tests. We went into the pharmacy & got to see the different drugs they carry! The prices they have are more than 50% less than other clinics in the slums! If you want to support this amazing ministry I’ll find out more information. Just email me… kumbaugh@gmail.com. God is good & is working through them in a major way!

SO those are the major updates. I sadly have about 40 days left in Kenya. My friend, Adam Delp, arrives next week, June 10th (if you are the first one to tell me why that day is significant in my life, in exchange I’ll bring you a gift from Kenya)! His team will arrive on the 15th, so we’ll get a few days to hang out. Then Lydia arrives June 23rd. We are looking forward to our travels together. If you could pray that we will have the finances to do all the touristy things we hope to do that would be great! Thanks. I know God is good & I’m just thankful she’s at least able to come for three weeks. She’ll leave Kenya on July 11th & I leave on the 12th. So she won’t even be able to hold my hand on the plane while I’m balling… but all will be ok. Perhaps I’ll need that time to allow myself to sob as I leave my family & friends here in Kenya.

With that said, time is flying & I try & make the most of the days here in Kenya. God is so good to me & I’m eternally grateful for this amazing experience. More to come in a couple weeks I’m sure! I hope this finds you all doing well in America, or where ever you are. More soon than I can probably grasp I’ll be home eating a strawberry poppyseed salad from Panera & drinking an IC Carmel & wondering where the time went!

See you,
Katie

Ps- if you can be praying for a job for me & a car that would be great![preferably a wrangler, but I’ll take what I can get] Jolly (my 1994 Camry) is dying fast, and Lydia & I are “sharing” it at the moment. So when I return a job & a car are a definite necessity! PRAY PRAY PRAY! I know God will provide, but it never hurts to have people asking for you too! ASANTE SANA!